Chapter One

Lou awoke sometime in the middle of the night. She wasn't sure what it was that awoke her at first, but as she heard the light snore she smiled. She turned her head towards the figure lying next to her, his mouth agape. He snored again and stirred. She giggled silently as he settled himself on his side, facing her.

Now she was able to look more intently at him. He was a handsome man. His hair maybe longer then she usually liked, his nose was beautifully sculptured and his lips full. He was a great kisser. He was also great in bed.

They had amazing sex – he was her best friend with benefits, as they called each other. Though she was perfectly clear with him that was all she wanted, she suspected sometimes that he might want to move to the next level. But for almost three years now they had kept their torrid affair strictly physical, and strictly under wraps. He was her partner at the agency, for one thing. For another, even though she cared about him, liked him, trusted him, and was incredibly attracted to him, she felt she could never love him quite as much as she knew he deserved.

Jimmy opened his eyes, feeling her gaze on him. "What time is it?" he asked sleepily.

Lou smiled. "Sometime in the middle of the night. Did I wake you?"

Jimmy smiled at her. "That's ok." He leaned over and looked into her eyes. "I can think of something to help me back to sleep."

Lou giggled and feigned trying to escape. She surrendered as his lips caught hers in a hungry kiss. His hands roamed under her pajama top, making her moan.

Lou walked in to her kitchen, tucking a white Oxford shirt into her neatly pressed dark slacks. She adjusted her holster, and clipped on the phone and badge hurriedly, before slipping a suit jacket on.

"Morning, Lou," Theresa greeted as she joined her sister by the kitchen counter.

"Hey, sweetie. Want some coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks. I wasn't expecting you to be up this early," the younger woman teased.

"What? Why?" Lou asked before she turned and saw the mischief in her sister's eyes.

"You know, you should try and be more quiet, Lou."

Lou was about to retort when Jimmy walked into the kitchen, carrying a small boy, of about three and a half years old, on his back. The boy giggled as Lou picked him and sat him in his chair.

Jimmy kissed Lou cheek before he greeted Theresa good morning.

"Want some coffee, Jimmy?" Lou asked from the counter as the man took his seat at the table.

"Yes, thanks. I really need something to keep me awake today," Jimmy answered.

"Hard night, Jimmy?" Theresa asked innocently.

Jimmy looked at Lou, embarrassed.

"Theresa, that's enough," Lou admonished with a smile. "Don’t you have class this morning, or something?"

"Yes, ma'am," the young woman answered and took her cup to the sink. "Are you coming home tonight?" Teresa asked.

"I don't know yet," Lou answered. "I'll let you know as soon as I know anything. Keep your cell on, okay?" Lou smiled at her eighteen-year old sister. She’d taken Theresa in when their mother died just before Zach was born; but now the responsible young woman was a wonderful help to her. Their brother Jeremiah, now 21, had enlisted in the Army when their mother died, and was stationed in Iraq now.

Theresa nodded before heading out, grabbing her backpack by the door.

"She heard us last night," Lou whispered to Jimmy.

Jimmy almost choked on his coffee, making Lou giggle. "She told you that?"

Lou nodded.

"God, next time you're coming to my place."

"You know I can't, Jimmy," Lou turned serious. "The mornings I’m available, I want to be here with Zach."

Jimmy nodded and rose to take his cup to the sink. He kissed the top of her head. "We'd better get going, Lou. Or Teaspoon will have a fit."

Lou wiped her son's chin from the eggs and picked him up. "Let's get you ready."

"Mommy, can Uncle Jimmy help me dress?" Zach asked.

"Jimmy, do you mind?" Lou asked.

"Not at all," Jimmy answered.

They were all ready in half an hour. Jimmy and Lou dropped Zach at daycare and continued to their headquarters. They entered the building and took the elevator to the basement. The guard smiled at them and let them in the secured area.

Lou grimaced as she saw everyone else was already there. She didn't like coming in with Jimmy like that, making the guys suspicious about her relationship with Jimmy. She sighed in relief as so far nobody had noticed them coming in together. Buck was talking to Noah, while Ike was reading the paper.

"Nice of you two to show up," Cody snickered at them as he came from the kitchen area, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a donut in the other. "Teaspoon is really anxious."

"Why? What's going on?" Jimmy asked. "Are they moving the operation sooner?"

Cody shrugged. "Didn't say anything. Just said to let him know as soon as you walk in."

Lou took a seat behind her desk, watching her friends with a smile. These five men were her friends and colleagues for the past three years, ever since she came to DC. Though she usually partnered with Jimmy, she trusted each and every one of them with her life.

She was so lost in thought she didn't even notice Teaspoon walking in, followed by a younger man.

"Louise, may I have your attention as well, please," Teaspoon addressed her.

"Sorry," Lou smiled, but her smile froze when she noticed the man standing next to Teaspoon. He also recognized her, and now they were both staring, oblivious to what Teaspoon was saying.

"Well, officers," Teaspoon started, "I was offered a position as a site director and I accepted. Officer Michael Kidd is replacing me on the job, effective immediately. I'm still going to be here, so if either of you needs my advice, don't hesitate. It's been a pleasure working with each and every one of you, and I'm going to miss it, though I’ll probably suffer from fewer headaches."

"So, Officer Kidd, the stage is all yours," Teaspoon addressed the younger man.

At hearing his name, the young agent cleared his throat and looked around the room. "As Officer Hunter said, my name's Michael Kidd," Officer Kidd said with a warm smile.

Jimmy darted a look at Lou. She was shifting uncomfortably in her seat, glaring at the new commanding officer. He saw the way she and that Kidd guy stared at each other earlier. Something wasn't right, and he couldn't wait to get her alone and ask her about it.

"Well, I'll tell you about myself, then would like to hear some about you," Kidd continued.

"Didn't you get our files?" Noah asked.

Kidd nodded. "I got your files, but since everything was on such short notice and I had to tie up a few loose ends back in LA before coming here, I didn't get the time to go over them. Anyway, maybe it's for the best – I'd just as soon get to my own conclusions about everything and not be prejudiced by others’ opinions."

He smiled at the nods of appreciation from his new officers. All but one.

"So, I was born in Manassas, Virginia. Moved to LA after I graduated and joined the agency…"

"Lou, psst," Jimmy whispered until he got her attention. "Did you know him in LA?"

Lou looked at Jimmy, contemplating what to say, when she heard Teaspoon speaking again.

"Well, I'll let you get to know one another. I'll be in my new office upstairs if you need me," Teaspoon shook Kidd's hand. "They can be bullheaded at times, but they're good officers."

Kidd smiled and turned his attention back to the group. Cody was the first to volunteer to introduce himself.

Lou jumped from her feet and ran out of the room after Teaspoon.

"Teaspoon, can I talk to you a minute?"

"Sure, Lou, what's up?"

"Uh… can we go to your office?" Lou asked, a little uncomfortable.

Teaspoon nodded as he waited for her to enter the elevator.

"What is it, Louise?" the older man asked as he closed the door to his office.

"Is it definite?"

"Is what definite?"

"You… the promotion… him…"

Teaspoon looked at her questioningly. "Is there something you want to tell me, Lou?"

Lou shook her head. "It's just that we worked really hard on this operation, he knows nothing about it…"

"Lou, I'll be there with you until you go out, and I already started going over it with him. Officer Kidd is a skilled officer. We're lucky to have him here with us. The site at New York really put up a fight for him, but he said he preferred DC."

Lou looked down, fidgeting with her fingers. Teaspoon smiled at her, obviously in a deep internal struggle, but his smile disappeared when she lifted her head and met his eyes.

"I want to transfer to a different site," she blurted.

Teaspoon registered what she was saying for a moment. "Why?"

Lou looked away. "I know him, Teaspoon. I don't think I'll be able to work with him."

Teaspoon nodded in understanding. He knew Louise McCloud too well to try and dissuade her, especially when she had that determination in her eyes. "You want to tell me more?"

Lou shook her head. "I don't care where to, just that it will be as quick as possible."

"It still might take a few weeks, Louise."

"I know."

"I need to know you'll be able to work with him on this next operation, Lou, or I'm taking you off it."

"No, Teaspoon. We worked too hard on it and I have an important part in it. I promise I won't be a problem."

Teaspoon nodded and rose, opening the door for her. "I'll make the request for you and let you know when I have any news."

"Thanks, Teaspoon," Lou said, and went back to join her team.

She went straight to her working space and hurriedly snatched Zach's photos from the wall and hid them, as well as the framed photo she kept on her desk.

"Where did you go?" Jimmy asked, coming to stand next to her. "What are you doing?" he asked as he noticed her hiding her personal items.

"I went to talk to Teaspoon. I need to talk to you, Jimmy."

"What is it?" Jimmy asked, concern clear in his voice. He put his hands on her arms, rubbing them affectionately. "And what's with the hate glares? Do you know him?"

"Officer McCloud," Lou turned her head towards the man calling her name. "May I see you in my office?"

Jimmy dropped his hands from her and watched as her face grew red with hate and anger. He watched surprised he she stormed into Kidd's office, and jumped at the sound of the door slamming shut. All eyes turned to him for explanation, but he just shrugged, bewildered as the rest of them.

"What are you doing here?" Lou hissed.

"Well, it's so nice to see you again, Lou. But I guess it's only temporary since you're running off again." Kidd could not help himself and the last part of his sentence came out louder than he planned.

"What are you doing here, Michael?" Lou asked again, her arms folded over her chest protectively.

"My job," Kidd answered.

"Yeah, I know how much you enjoy doing your job…" Lou muttered.

"What was that?" Kidd asked, becoming even angrier.

"Nothing, sir," Lou saluted mockingly. "Well, continue with your job. I won't be in your way much longer."

"Well, running away is what you do best. I'm surprised to see you're still here after, what, an hour that I'm here."

Lou was about to retort when the phone rang and Kidd answered it. She opened the door and left, slamming it shut behind her.

Lou felt five pairs of eyes on her.

"What was that?" Cody was the first to react.

"Nothing," Lou muttered as she walked to the kitchen area, followed by Jimmy.

"What was that, Lou?" Jimmy asked, the concern clear in his voice. "What was he saying about you running off?"

Jimmy was surprised as Lou suddenly turned and buried her face in his chest. He put his arms around her protectively. "What is it, Lou? You're scaring me."

"I need to talk to you," she said into his chest. "Can we go out for awhile?"

"Sure. Wait for me by the guard. I'll tell Noah we're out and to call if they need us."

Lou nodded and watched him leave. She bit back the threatening tears and went outside.

Jimmy met her at the guard a couple of minutes later. They walked out of the building in silence. Lou looked around her, looking for distractions. She could not believe the day that started so playfully was becoming one of the hardest of her life. She didn't really want to talk about it, but she knew Jimmy deserved to know the truth now, especially that she planned on transferring elsewhere.

"Let's sit over there," she motioned for a bench in a little park, minutes away from their office.

Jimmy sat next to her and took her hand in his for encouragement. "You got me worried there, Lou," he smiled, more for his own benefit than hers.

"Well, you figured out already that I know Michael from before," Lou started. "We were stationed together in LA and we were involved…"

"Like us?"

"We were engaged."

"Oh," Jimmy mumbled.

"We met on the same team, but after we got serious we were assigned to different units, with different supervisors. He was promoted to be the second in command in his unit, since his supervisor felt he needed someone to back him up. His unit was different from mine. He went on long missions, weeks or even months at a time…"

"Is that why you broke up?" Jimmy asked.

Lou didn't answer. She remained silent for a moment before the continued. "I put in a request for transfer."

"Back then?"

Lou shook her head no. "I spoke with Teaspoon before. I guess he called Michael right afterwards, because you saw how he called me to his office right when I came back."

"You're leaving?" Jimmy couldn't hide his disappointment as Lou nodded. "Why?"

"There's something he doesn't know about, Jimmy. And I can't let him find out. Ever."

"What is it?"

"On our first undercover mission together, Michael's code name was Zachary."

Jimmy's mouth fell open as realization set in. "He doesn't know?"

Lou shook her head, unable to talk through the tears that choked her.

"Oh, Lou, how could you keep that from him?"

"I didn't get a chance to tell him I was pregnant before I left."

"Why did you leave?" Jimmy questioned again.

Lou remained silent for a moment. She knew if she told Jimmy the truth, it would diminish Michael in his eyes… maybe make it harder for Michael to lead the team. It was between her and Michael and it was best to skip the details. "It doesn't matter now, Jimmy. It was a long time ago. I just wanted to let you know that I asked for a transfer and Teaspoon has forwarded the request for me. I just hope that he won't find out about Zach until then. Please promise me you won't say anything."

"Don't worry, Lou," Jimmy promised as he put his arm around her shoulders and drew her to him. He kissed her head.

Lou lifted her eyes to meet his and smiled at him. "Thanks," Lou whispered before she kissed him back.

"But I’ll miss you. Promise me you’ll tell me where you’re going, keep in touch at least?" As she nodded, whispering, "Of course," Jimmy pulled her onto his lap as they deepened the kiss.

"You know if you want me to call you, make sure your cells are on."

They both jumped at the sound of Noah's voice. Lou blushed and jumped to her feet, cursing herself for allowing herself to get caught with Jimmy like this.

"What's going on?" Jimmy asked as he too stood up.

"Kidd wants to go over the set up for next week."

Lou sighed heavily and started towards the office. Noah was about to follow, when Jimmy stopped him.

"What do you think of him?"

"Kidd?" Noah asked. At Jimmy's nod he continued. "I don't know. He seems to be a professional. You heard him talk about himself…"

"Actually I didn't," Jimmy answered, looking guiltily after the retreating woman.

Noah smiled knowingly. "Well, he has a lot of experience and he moved up pretty quickly. Hey, did Lou know him back when she was in LA?"

Jimmy shrugged. "Do you think we'll be ok with him just starting and us going on the mission next week?"

"He knows the case, Jimmy. And I trust Teaspoon's judgment," Noah answered.

"I guess you're right," Jimmy sighed.

Noah started toward the office again, but Jimmy stopped him again. "What is it now, Jimmy? We should really get going."

"Just… please don't say anything about… you know…" Jimmy said awkwardly.

Noah chuckled. "About you and Miss McCloud?"

Jimmy nodded, his face turning red.

Noah put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He tried his damnedest not to burst out laughing at his friend. Did they really believe they had anyone fooled? "Your secret's safe with me," he said in his most serious tone.

Kidd sat in his new office moodily looking out the window at nothing. He couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe she was here, not just in Washington, not just in the same office, but on his own damn team. He’d spent the last four years trying to forget her. He almost succeeded, too. He had moved on, best as he could… even managed to find love again. Not that it was the same. But Lou was my first love. Figured it was normal enough to always have a secret spot in my heart for her. But seeing her again. It’s like… like the last four years never happened. I’m right back where I started.

He tried to flip through some paperwork, but his mind kept returning to Louise. She’d looked at him like they’d never even been friends, like she hated him. He passed a hand over his eyes. Maybe he should talk to her. Find out why, so he could put it to rest, move on for real. He couldn’t believe the sweet, bright-eyed girl he’d loved so, could look at him with open hatred, like he was the one who did something wrong. She was the one who left without a word, without the decency of a goodbye, after all they’d shared.

He wanted to hate her back. He wanted to be able to forget her and act like she never hurt him. But… so many good memories. Even the sight of her in the squad room. He’d sat beside her every working day for a year, either in a squad room just like that, or in some van parked outside a surveillance site, or some other god-awful boring grunt work they’d had to do the year they were partners, both little more than rookies. They’d fought a lot at first, butted heads over approaches to cases, before earning a grudging respect for one another on the job.

Gradually, they’d gotten comfortable together, fortunately. All the hours of working together on low-level cases, it would have been unbearable if they hadn’t gotten to like each other. Then, before he knew it, he found himself in love with her. Even now, he had to grin a little at the memory of sitting on a stakeout with her, desperately in love with her; and how hard he’d tried to hide it.

They’d been in the van for three hours, slumped down in their seats dejectedly. "Nothing is going to happen, he ain’t moving," Kidd had moped, tapping the steering wheel. Lou had shrugged, stretched, and opened a large paper bag and started rummaging through it, emerging with a King-sized Snickers Bar.

"For Pete’s sake," Kid muttered, as she took out a plastic knife and started sawing the Snickers Bar in half lengthwise. "Not this again."

"What?" Lou asked, her eyebrows puckered as she carefully picked peanuts from the candy, dropping them into the bag.

"If you dismember one more Snickers in front of me, I’m going to snap," he muttered. "It’s gross and ridiculous."

She flicked a peanut at him. "So don’t look," she grinned.

"After a year of watching you do that, can I ask, why? Why do you buy Snickers bars if you don’t like the peanuts?"

"If you must know, it’s because I like Snickers, but just not the nuts. They’re too crunchy, I don’t like them."

He sighed, looking at her and shaking his head. "So why, pray tell, don’t you just buy a candy bar that doesn’t have nuts, and you don’t have to pick at for ten minutes before you can eat it?"

"There isn’t a Snickers bar without peanuts."

"Well, then buy a Milky Way, for chrissakes."

"That’s not the same," she explained patiently, reassembling the halves of the Snickers bar and raising it to her mouth.

"How is it not the same? It’s nougat, caramel, and milk chocolate. Just like a Snickers without the nuts," he said irritably. This stakeout was making him cranky. Not to mention the heat. The air conditioning was broken in this stupid van. Lou was comfortable enough, she had stripped down to a white tank top and shorts… and sitting in this close van with her dressed like that was getting him… frustrated.

"It’s not the same, because the Milky Way has chocolate malt flavored nougat. The Snickers has peanut butter flavored nougat. Everyone knows that."

"That’s common knowledge, you’re saying?"

"Of course." She was polishing off the Snickers and rummaging again through the bag.

"Do you have anything to drink in there? It’s about 90 degrees in this stupid van."

She looked at him, her own good humor starting to wear thin. "Quit your whining, will you?"

"I would if I could. But it ain’t easy sitting in here with you and all your food in this heat. Do you have any seltzer?"

She ostentatiously shook up a can and handed it to him. "Sure, here, you big baby."

He took the can and deliberately pointed the top toward her. "Oh, thanks. Looks refreshing." He opened it, and it spurted all over her, soaking her hair and tank top.

He looked over at her as she sat calmly, seltzer dripping from her, but somehow maintaining her dignity. He had to fight the insane urge to lick her face clean, as she turned and looked at him.

"Very mature." She pulled a wad of napkins from the bag and wiped her face.

"Sorry, Lou," he chuckled, as she got out of her seat and went to the back of the van

.

He had watched her in the rear view mirror as she stripped off the tank top. She was wearing a pale blue satin bra underneath, and he caught his breath as he watched her fumbling through a duffel bag for another shirt, pulling it over her head. She was so beautiful, he had thought. She clambered back into the front seat and he’d sat dumbly looking at her.

"What now?" she snapped, finally irritable as he was.

"Nothing," he’d said softly.

Nothing except I love you, he thought. And you don’t think of me as anything but your partner and a friend. His heart had ached a little bit then, wanting and wishing… and deciding that he would ask her out, never mind any regulations. He couldn’t hide how he felt about her much longer, he knew...