Chapter Eleven
Ike gently squeezed Buck’s shoulder before following Red Bear and the others back inside the confines of the sweat lodge. He hoped that Buck was able to convince White Buffalo to let him skip that one memory; he wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to be looked upon differently by Red Bear.

As the others left, White Buffalo turned his gaze to Buck. “You will explain yourself,” he said.

Buck nodded. “I will try,” he replied. He took a deep breath. “This next memory is important to me,” he said. “It is very special, yet extremely private. I’m afraid that if I share it with the others, it will be misunderstood.”

White Buffalo simply looked at the younger man.

“I was hoping that I could share it with you in private, and then you could tell me if I must share it with everyone.”

White Buffalo nodded.

Buck once more took a deep breath. “It takes place the day Ike… I mean, Silent Wolf, and I left the mission. We were looking for a place to stay, possibly find work…

The two boys walked slowly into the town. There weren’t too many people about so they weren’t too worried about getting in trouble.

*Let’s go check the store,* Ike suggested. *We can purchase some supplies and see if there are any jobs.*

Buck nodded. He glanced around the street and finally pointed to the “General Store” sign located further down the road.

When they reached the building in question, Buck froze. Hanging in the window was a sign that clearly let it be know that he wasn’t welcome. “Maybe we should just keep going,” he said.

Ike shook his head. *We need canteens at least,* he said. *I’ll go get two and see what I can find out.* He looked around the street. *Wait over there,* he said pointing to a side alley.

Buck had made his way to the place Ike had indicated and stood watching and waiting. He was so intent on watching the store that he hadn’t noticed the men coming out of the saloon.

The first he knew of them was when one of them hit him from behind with a rotten piece of fruit. He turned to see who was there only to be hit by more. He tried to move away from them without making a scene, but had no luck.

The largest man grabbed him and pulled him into the space between the buildings. Here they took turns hitting and kicking him before pushing him into the pile of garbage filling the space outside the saloon. That’s where Ike had found him cowering - trying to keep from getting more seriously injured.

Ike had managed to get him on his feet and out of town without further incident. A few miles out of town there was a small clearing with running water. After building a small fire and starting some stew to cooking, Ike helped Buck to the river so he could clean up.

Ike went to set up camp while Buck washed, but when he finished this task Buck still hadn’t moved. He made his way to where Buck sat. *You need to wash up,* he said.

Buck didn’t respond. Ike looked at him and noticed that he had a far away look in his eyes. Ike slowly touched his shoulder. Buck flinched and a look of fear passed across his face before he managed to settle back to the blank stare.

Ike stood and quickly undressed. He then pulled Buck to a standing position, undressed him, and led him to the water. Once there he sat Buck down on the bank with his legs dangling into the current. Ike climbed into the water, picked up a cloth, plied it with soap and began to run it over Buck’s legs.

Buck tried to pull away, but Ike was able to hold him in place. He managed to get Buck to look at him. *I want to please you,* he said. *I need you to know how much I love you.*

Buck didn’t move so Ike continued. He once more ran the wash cloth over Buck’s legs. When he reached Buck’s thighs, he noticed that despite Buck’s unchanging face, his manhood was registering a definite reaction.

Encouraged by this, Ike reached up and pulled Buck into the water with him. He put the cloth on the bank, wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and pulled him to him. He leaned in and captured Buck’s mouth with his lips. As he ran his tongue across Buck’s lips, Buck came out of his trance.

“Don’t,” he said pulling away, “I’m not worth you ruining…”he had to stop as Ike once more covered his lips. This time he held Buck tightly and forced his tongue past Buck’s lips. After a few seconds, Buck relaxed and allowed Ike’s tongue into his mouth.

His own tongue slipped into Ike’s mouth and he wrapped his arms around Ike’s neck. Ike ran his hands down Buck’s back until they came to rest on Buck’s butt cheeks. He squeezed them gently, and then moved until he could lift Buck out of the water and set him on the bank. Here he broke the kiss and began to trail kisses down Buck’s neck.

Buck moaned when the kisses reached his nipples and turned into nips. He leaned back as Ike continued his assault and finally his mouth found Buck’s now hardened member. His hips began to move on their own as Ike’s mouth attacked him causing him to explode with a scream of passion and release.

Ike quickly crawled out of the water and took Buck in his arms. He kissed Buck deeply and then held him as Buck let the humiliation of earlier escape him in the form of tears.
When Buck had exhausted himself, Ike moved so he could lay him on the ground and talk to him. *Are you alright?*

Buck nodded.

*You sure? You don’t look like you’re alright.*

Buck sat. “I’m just so ashamed,” he said, looking at the ground. “I…”

Ike reached over and placed his hand under Buck’s chin causing the Kiowa to look at him. *I love you,* he said. *You have no reason to be ashamed because you showed me that you were scared, or hurt.*

Buck smiled at him. “I love you too,” he said.

Ike leaned over and kissed Buck’s cheek. *Let’s finish cleaning up.*

Buck turned his gaze to meet White Buffalo’s. “I really needed to be shown that I was worth loving,” Buck explained. “We’ve never been together like that since, but…” he paused.

White Buffalo nodded. “You fear the others will not understand; they will think that you are like our two trackers.”

Buck nodded. “Silent Wolf has just been honored,” he said. “I don’t want him to lose that because of a misunderstanding.”

The older man placed a hand on Buck’s knee. “I see no reason for you to share that memory with the group,” he said. “Start with what came next. We will go in when you are ready.”

Buck smiled his thanks at the older man. “I am ready,” he said.

White Buffalo nodded. “I will send Silent Wolf to assist you.”

Ike was soon carrying Buck back into the sweat lodge. They entered and the heat wrapped itself around them causing their skin to glisten. This time Buck took the cup readily and soon all the men were once more sharing his memories.

They watched as he and Ike joined the pony express and Buck was accepted unconditionally into this strange family. They saw the good and bad experiences including Buck rescuing Ike from the Kiowa, his heart-break at the hands of Kathleen Devlin, Sam and Emma leaving, all the way up to the most recent incident that had cost Ike the woman he’d hoped to marry.

From there, the memories took a more painful turn. There was Noah’s death, Jesse’s departure on less than friendly terms, the dissolution of the express, their new jobs as deputy marshals under Teaspoon’s guidance and finally the incident that brought them here.

Buck once more began to fight having to relive this memory. He’d barely survived it the first time. Ike noticed the change and reached out to touch him. As soon as he felt Ike’s hand on his shoulder, Buck realized he had to do this. He had to allow them to all to know what he’d been through so he could put it behind him and move on with his life. As he relaxed with Ike’s touch, he allowed the memory to flow.

Soon he was once more resting in Ike’s embrace outside the sweat lodge. He opened his eyes to find his brother studying him closely. “Why did you not tell them?” he asked.

“Tell who what?” Buck asked.

“Tell the army where to find Laughing Crow, Little Fox, and Stands Tall?”

“They would have killed them,” Buck replied, confused at his brother’s question.

“They’ve done nothing but cause you pain,” Red Bear said with a glance at the other men. “Why would you spare them?”

Buck followed his brother’s gaze. “It wasn’t for them,” he said. “I didn’t tell the army where they were because that would have cost me you.”

It was Red Bear’s turn to be confused.

Ike noticed that Buck was fighting off sleep. *He needs to rest. Maybe I can explain.*

Red Bear nodded and spoke softly to Buck. As Buck allowed sleep to overtake him, Ike explained, * He couldn’t tell the army where to find the others because after they killed them, the army wouldn’t have done anything to hide that fact. When they didn’t come back from their scouting trip, you would have gone looking.*

Red Bear nodded.

*When you found them, obviously butchered by the army you would have…* he looked up at the older man.

*Avenged their deaths,* Red Bear stated.

*How?*

Red Bear looked at Ike in disbelief. *We would attack the fort and make the…* he stopped speaking.

*Exactly,* said Ike. *He couldn’t risk being the reason that happened, and having you die. He cares for you deeply and would never be able to live with the guilt of being the cause of your death.*