Yesterday's Tomorrow

Part 2

Kid got Katy and Lightning ready for the long ride, double-checking that everything was in place.  He kind of felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.  He wondered if she was still mad at him for saying what he said about her to the boys a while back, how they were perhaps just not meant to be.  He held the reins nervously for her as she mounted on Lightning.  He waved at the boys as they said their goodbyes.

"Kid, I hope you have fun," Cody called after him.  "Make sure Lou have some fun too!  Maybe you two could have some fun with eachother- - I meant with eachother's company."   

"Ride safe," Teaspoon whispered as he prayed that the two returned safe with their love for eachother strengthened and restored.

They rode for several hours without a word.  Lou wanted to stop a couple of times, but she did not know how to tell him.  She certainly did not want him to snap at her, especially not in the beginning of their run.  The sun was beginning to set as its golden rays painted the sky orange and pink.  Kid finally gave in and broke the long silence between them.  "Let's call it a day." 

She nodded, completely agreeing with his decision.  They found a clearing among trees and decided to rest there for the evening.  Kid left without a word and came back after a few minutes with wood for the fire.  Why is it so hard to talk to him? she asked herself sadly as she started the fire.  Why can't everything just go back to normal?  Is he doing this on purpose, or is he scared as much as I am?  She watched absent-mindedly as he prepared their bedrolls for the night.  She admired everything about him and secretly yearned to be wrapped around in his strong arms.  I wonder if anything happened between him and Samantha after the dance, she thought bitterly.  I guess he doesn't feel anything for me anymore, probably never did.  Why do I even go fooling myself that he did care about me.  When someone cares, they don't forget about that person no matter what happens, and he obviously has forgotten about his false feelings for me since Samantha came.  She's so ladylike, and she's everything he looks for in a real woman.  I'm not even good enough to compare myself with her.  What is wrong with me? she scolded herself for her lack of self-esteem.  Why am I even worrying about Samantha?  Everyone was created different, and everyone's special, she reminded herself.  I'm as good as she is and even better in some ways.

Kid caught a glimpse of Lou who was now hugging herself for warmth.  Her coat was not thick enough to combat the chill of the night air.  Lou, why won't you just talk to me?  It's hurting me so much that you don't talk to me.  I wish I knew what to do or say to make you be mine again, or even just be friends again.  "Lou, you're freezing!"

His voice sounded like a lost melody of love in her ear.  She felt warm as he touched her cheek. 

"Lou, your face is cold," he said softly as he hurriedly took off his coat.  "Are you all right?"  He wrapped his coat around her small frame and wished that it would help keep her warm.

She looked at him and smiled shyly.  "Thanks, I'm fine."

"Well, if you need anything, let me know.  That's what I'm here for," he said as he lie on his bedroll.  The fire they built did not offer much warmth.

Lou shivered in the dark as she watched him sat up near the fire.  She gazed at him lovingly, wondering if he ever did love her in the past.  Her heart almost tore apart when she saw him read the letter from Samantha again.  He's been reading that a million times today.  He's definitely fallen in love with Samantha.  She decided to talk to him, thinking that there was no sense in avoiding him during the whole run.  They would be together for maybe four or more days, and she did not want the tension to build up between them.  "I'm sorry about her, Kid," she said finally as she sat closer to the fire.

Kid looked at her with a puzzled look on his handsome face.  Sorry for what?  After all this time she hasn't spoken to me, and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is 'I'm sorry'?  What's going on here? 

"About who?"

"Samantha," she said softly, still avoiding his eyes.  She feared that if she looked into his eyes, she'd lose herself completely in them. 

"Why?" he inquired.

"I don't know.  I guess 'cause you love her, and now she left.  Everyone knows how you two were so close together.  I just thought that you're really hurting inside 'cause she's not here to be with you."  She tried to keep the jealousy out of her voice, but it was obvious that it did not work.  Her nervousness would not allow her to think straight. 

Kid wanted to laugh.  She thinks I'm hurting 'cause of Samantha?  If she only knows how much more she hurts me when she turned me down twice!  Lou, noone can hurt me like you can, and noone ever has.  "I'm not thinking about Samantha, Lou."

"You keep reading her letter," she told him.

"Only because I didn't finish it earlier.  Besides, I was thinking about something else."

"What?"

"About getting to Prosperity and settling in a soft bed for once.  I know I sound like a baby, but my back is really killing me.  Even my butt is sore!" he complained as he put Samantha's letter back in his pocket.

The next morning, Kid was nowhere to be found.  His horse, Katy, was saddled up and ready to go.  Lou almost called out his name when she noticed a writing on the ground.  It said 'BE BACK SOON' and was signed by Kid at the bottom.  She could picture him writing it with a stick and smiled.  Where in the world is he?  How long ago has it been since he left? she asked herself, hoping he would come back soon.

"Ready to go, Lou?" asked Kid as he sneaked up behind her.  She was so surprised to see him that she almost let out a cry.

"Kid!  How long have you been standing there?  Don't sneak up on me like that!" she told him angrily as she began packing her bedroll.  "If I'd been Jimmy, you'd be dead by now."

Kid rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, and if I'd been Jimmy, you would have jumped in my arms and kissed me," he said insultingly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"  She turned to look at him with hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Nothing.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have said that," Kid apologized.  "It just came out."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she told him angrily.  "Well, let's get a move on.  We can argue while we ride there."

Kid did not say anything.  He did not want their argument to carry on. He was tired of it, and besides she looked even lovelier when she was not mad.  He studied her for a moment while she got Lightning ready, hoping that she would not notice his loving gaze.  For a second she caught him staring at her, and he quickly looked away.  His heart was beating faster than it ever did, and he was not sure whether he could control his emotions anymore.  He wanted so much to run to her, wrap his arms around her, kiss her ever so tenderly, make sweet love to her, pleasure her the way he never pleasured any woman before. 

"Kid!  Are we going or not?" she asked angrily.

"I'm coming.  Sometimes you're so mean," he muttered under his breath, not really wanting her to hear.

"And sometimes you're so childish," she said as she rode on without him.  He quickly mounted on Katy to catch up with the woman who would forever hold his heart.

They rode in an uneasy silence, each not wanting to give in.  Finally they came across one of the most famous saloons in the west.  Kid grabbed the reins to slow down his horse.  "Lou, hold up!" he called after her. 

"What is it now, Kid?"

"I'm getting mighty thirsty.  We still have plenty of time.  Let's stop by for a drink.  Whaddaya say?"  he said with a smile, not taking his eyes off the beautiful saloon girls.

Lou looked at the place nervously.  She did not want to be there for many reasons.  Those saloon girls got on her nerves, and they reminded her of her bitter past that she hoped she could bury for good.  "I don't know, Kid," she told him reluctantly.

"Lou, c'mon.  We've been riding for so many hours now.  The sun is setting in a few minutes.  We might as well stay here for the night."

"You remind me of Cody," she told him, remembering Cody's annoying persistence. 

"C'mon, Lou.  Just this once."

She eyed the saloon girls enviously as she saw them talking and looking at Kid with excitement and anticipation in their eyes.  "Fine, but this is the first and LAST saloon we're stopping by."

Kid gave her a strange look.  ""Lou, how come you don't talk to me that much anymore?  We used to be real good friends, and now, I ain't so sure..."

Good friends?  We were never just 'good' friends,' she thought bitterly.  We were always something more than that.  "We're still friends, Kid," she said, trying to sound cheerful like nothing was the matter.  "We just argue and fight sometimes, just like how we argue and fight with Cody, you know what I mean?"

"You haven't been talking to me much.  You don't tell me how you feel, if you're mad, tired, happy, whatever."

She forced a smile.  "Who wants to know?"

"I do," he said softly as they made their way to the saloon.

"I can't tell you everything I feel, Kid, 'cause half the time, I don't even know what I feel," she told him bluntly as she eyed the saloon girls who were now waving at them. 

"Ladies first," Kid said as he held the swinging door open for her.

She shook her head in disapproval.  "You know, you shouldn't be doing that."

"What?" he inquired as he pulled out a chair for her.

"This, treating me like a lady," she told him harshly, hoping that noone noticed his display of courtesy.

"But you are."

"Yeah, but these people ain't supposed to know, remember?"

Kid chuckled, his blue eyes dancing at the sight of her happily.  "Lou, you can't hide yourself forever.  Besides, the way you've been looking lately, I'm not sure these people will be fooled by your disguise."

For some reason, he was getting on her nerves.  "Well, this is my life, and I live it the way I want to.  And I sure as hell not gonna let some Southern gentleman ruin it for me!" she said in a low angry tone so that others would not hear.

"Wait a minute here.  What's that supposed to mean?" he asked as he blocked her path.

"Nothin'," she told him softly, avoiding his eyes.  She regretted saying those things to him.

"No, something's up with you, and I wanna know what," he said stubbornly as he stepped closer to her.

"And if I don't wanna talk about it?" she challenged him as she looked into his eyes.

Kid thought real hard for a moment.  He could never do anything to hurt her.  "I'll kiss you."

"Is that right?" she said, not backing away.  She did not believe his threat.  Kid will never do that to me, especially not in front of all these strangers, she told herself for comfort.  He's still in love with someone else, and he sure won't ever touch me again.

"Yup, I swear, Miss Louise McCloud, I will kiss you right here, right now," he told her with mixed emotions, hoping she would just tell him what her problem was about him.  If she didn't, he knew he'd lose control of himself and lay a tender kiss on her sweet lips.

"Do it!" she challenged him, thinking that he would never do it.  Then all of the sudden, just before she backed away from him, she felt his hands around her waist, his lips locking into hers.  She tried to push him away, but her feelings for him finally gave in.  She kissed him back hungrily, not caring anymore who was watching them.  After a while, he pulled away from the sweet kiss that left both of them breathless.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn ya," he told her with a smile on his face. 

Lou stared at him in amazement.  The suddenness of what just happened finally hit her.  This ain't right! she told herself.  I shouldn't have given in.  Now he thinks he can have me when he wants me.  Well, I don't think so!  She ran away from the wild saloon to get away from the tension. She freed her surpressed tears and headed to the nearest hotel she saw.  She could hear his voice ringing in her ears, begging her to stop, telling her he was sorry.   She threw herself on the bed and cried for what seemed like years until she could not cry anymore.  She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes red and her nose pink from hours of crying.  She did not really understand where all her pain and problems were coming from.  All she knew was that she was in love with a man who was in love with someone else, who would never return her love after she turned down his proposals.  The loss of this true love pained her terribly, and having never felt like this toward anyone in her life, she did not know how to cope with it, with her raging emotions. 

I gotta straighten myself out, she told herself as she washed her face.  I have to forget about him, stop thinking about him, stop dreaming about him.   I have to get over him, or I'd never feel like this toward anyone.  Just bury whatever we shared together, or what I shared with him 'cause I probably meant nothing to him, and move on, she planned.  She tried to convince herself that everything would be okay, but how would she do all the things she planned on doing?  She still did not know, but she'd have to worry about it later.    

The cool breeze blew her hair gently in the air as the sun welcomed her outside.  She saw Kid waiting for her outside the saloon with a sad look on his handsome face.  She smiled when she saw him and wished that he would just forget about what happened earlier that day.

"Hey, Lou, you okay?" he asked as he scratched his head nervously.  "I'm sorry about what happened . . . I don't know what the hell got into me, kissing you like that."

"Ummm, I- it's okay.  I really. . .I-I feel fine," she stammered.  His nervousness was making her more nervous, and he looked so fine looking like he did, which added to her uneasiness.  "I acted so stupid, running out like I did."

"No, I was the stupid one," he said, wishing he could kiss her again.

"Are we gonna stand here and argue?" she finally said.  "Let's get something to eat.  I'm hungry."

He started in the direction of the saloon.

"Kid, let's go somewhere else," she said uncomfortably. 

"Don't worry, noone saw what happened," he assured her.  "They were all too busy in their own little world that they didn't even notice us."

She did not want to make a big deal out of anything with him so reluctantly, she followed him as he slowed down to let her catch up.  "And, Kid," she said, stopping before the swinging door, "This time, don't open the door for me."

Kid laughed as he followed behind her, helplessly falling more in love with her than ever.

"Hey, cowboys!" three saloon girls said a little too eagerly as they approached the table. 

Kid's eyes twinkled at the sight of the three beautiful girls.  "Hey, ladies."

Lou could hear her heart beat a thousand times faster.  Please, don't come any closer.  Please, get away from here, she prayed quietly.  Much to her dislike, her prayer went unanswered as the saloon girls sat on their table.  It took all of her self-control to keep herself from slapping the girls' hands as they massaged Kid's shoulders.  She backed away at the woman's attempt to giver her a massage.

"People call me Kid, and my friend here is Lou.  He's a little shy," Kid said as he winked at Lou.

"No need to be shy, Lou," the lady said.  "We won't bite."  She tried to reach for Lou's shoulder.

"No, it's really all right.  I can take care of myself," she said in a deep voice.

"We'll get you boys something cool to drink," the ladies offered.  "Don't go anywhere now.  We'll be back."

"That's it," Lou said as she got up from her seat.  "I'm out of here."

"But we haven't eaten anything!"

"I ain't really that hungry.  I just lost my appetite."

"Lou, just stay.  It ain't so bad."

"That's 'cause you enjoy having their hands all over you!" she said, wishing her voice did not sound so jealous as it did.

"That ain't true.  They were just doing their job, and I was just being polite."

Lou shook her head with a determined look on her face.  "Stay here then if you want, but I'll find a decent place to eat!"

Kid knew better than to let her leave, but her stubbornness was annoying him.  "Fine, do whatever you want.  See if I care."

Lou stomped out of the saloon that disgusted her so much.  She did not know why she felt like crying again.  She hated to admit it, but it was true that she was craving for Kid's attention, for his gentleness and care that used to belong to her, for his touch, embrace and sweet kisses that were only reserved for her.  Those times seemed to be so long ago, so impossible to think that they did happen that it felt like they never did.  She went back to the hotel and lie on the bed.  She was not hungry anymore as she fought the tears that were raging to come out.

Part 3