Chapter 5

Emma knocked on the door of the bunkhouse then entered upon hearing the all clear from someone within.  She set a basket on the table and said,  "Here are some provisions for your trip.  Divvy it up amongst yourselves, you'll be needing it."

"Thanks, Mrs. Cain,"  Charlie told her and some of the other deputies nodded their thanks as well.

"Charlie, where's Jimmy?"  she asked as she watched the men before her.  This was very different from the last bunkhouse she'd set foot in.  These men were older, some even had families so the bunkhouse wasn't full all the time.  It was mainly used if someone had a long night in town and was too tired to head home.  Other than that, Jimmy, Charlie and only three other deputies occupied the room on a regular basis.

"He already went out to the barn to get his horse ready,"  Charlie answered as he took cans and wrapped pieces of jerky and biscuits and put them in his saddlebag.

"Well, I'll go check on him.  You make sure he gets some of that food,"  she said in a warning tone as she headed toward the door. 

"Yes, ma'am,"  Charlie assured her.  It felt good being in a place where there was someone around to mother him.  He'd been alone for so long that he never thought he would want that and he hadn't at first, but he welcomed it now.

Emma made her way to the barn, stopping in the doorway to observe the scene before her.  It felt like it was almost two years ago and she was back in Sweetwater.  Jimmy was carefully saddling his horse, taking the time to double check each strap and making sure all the items he would need were on hand.

"Looks like you're heading out on an Express run,"  she commented, walking inside.

Jimmy looked up at her and grinned.  "Feels like it sometimes.  Not much has changed, just don't have a mochilla hanging off my saddle anymore."

"Do you miss it?"  she asked.  He hadn't said much about why he'd made it through the Express as long as he did, only to stop when it had just a month left to go.  She understood Louise quitting, but Jimmy?  She and Sam had tried to get it out of him but he was tight lipped about the whole subject.

Jimmy shrugged.  "Sometimes, I guess.  It was fun while it lasted but everyone's got to move on.  We're not kids anymore."

"I can see that,"  she said, stepping closer to him.  He'd always held a special place in her heart and it hurt her that he wasn't the same Jimmy she used to know.  Oh, he was older and definitely wiser, not the hot head that showed up at her place all those months ago.  "Sam tells me you and Charlie are off to get some new men for the posse.  And it seems that I know these two."

"Yeah, you do,"  Jimmy answered.  "Just thought it would be better working with some guys I know on this one."  He tried to appear casual but didn't think it was working.  Emma was too smart and would figure out his problem eventually.

"That's always a good thing, having someone you're comfortable with around.  I'm glad you're going, Jimmy, and I hope things work out with the two of you."

He looked at her.  She did know.  He shook his, grinning, why wasn't he surprised?

"Can't guarantee anything but I've got to try."  Jimmy paused and moved to a hay bale.  He took a seat then continued, not looking at her.  "I didn't leave on very good terms, Emma,"  he admitted.  "I miss them, all of them.  But I miss Kid and Lou the most.  Kid is - or was, my best friend.  Instead of realizing he was just trying to keep me from getting hurt, I turned it around so it looked like he was trying to tell me how to run my life.  We got into some heated arguments and I said some horrible things to him, deliberately trying to hurt him but in the process, I hurt Lou as well.  I never meant to do that."

He got up and started pacing.  "I didn't want to hear what he had to say, didn't want to face the possibility that he might be seein' something I wasn't, so I kept to myself until I left.  I even figured it was just a matter of time until the others voiced their opinions as well so I shut them out too.  I couldn't even bring myself to say good-bye to them, any of them, not even to Lou.  I didn't even say anything nice to them when I went back to get the rest of my things - I just got what I needed then took off.  I didn't even tell them to have a good life together and wish them well."  He stopped right in front of her and asked,  "How could a friend do that to another friend?  I was so sure I was right and he was wrong that I told not only myself but Kid I didn't need any of them in my life any more.  And I believed it."  Frustrated, he took off his hat, toyed with it for a minute then put it back on.

Emma got the impression that the young man in front of her was waiting for her opinion so she thought carefully before speaking, not wanting to let him down.  "Jimmy, you and Kid are so different yet so much alike.  That's why you were drawn to each other, right from the first.  I bet he's hurting just as much as you are.  To be alone for so long then to finally find people you consider to be family, that's special - not every one gets that chance.  Just 'cause Kid and Louise have gotten married and are their own family now, doesn't mean he wouldn't want the rest of his family around."

She went up to him and gently touched his arm.  "You're doing a good thing going back and he'll appreciate it or he's not the Kid I remember."  She smiled at him.  "You finish up and be on your way and don't get stubborn and not say anything.  You may not ever again find the kind of friendship the two of you have so don't ever take it for granted.  Respect his feelings and he'll respect yours, whether it's on the war or family or anything."

He gave her a small smile as she affectionately rubbed his arm and bid him to ride safe.  As she walked away he whispered,  "I hope you're right, Emma ... I need you to be right.  I ain't ready to have them out of my life yet."