Chapter 44

"How did it go up there?"

Rachel stopped descending the stairs and looked down in surprise to see Teaspoon standing at the bottom, leaning on the railing. She had other things on her mind and wasn't paying attention to anything except what was going on in her spare bedroom.

"It didn't," she sighed, making her way down to him.

"You mean you didn't talk to her?" he asked in confusion. Teaspoon knew that if there was one person Louise would always talk to, it was the woman in front of him.

"Oh no, we talked, well actually, she argued so I did all the talking while she ignored me. But that was the first time I went up to see her. This time it was to bring her some supper. I spent ten minutes knocking at that door trying to convince her she needs to eat for the sake of the baby. But after what I said to her earlier, she wants nothing to do with me so she wouldn't answer. I finally left the tray in the hallway. Maybe she'll eat if she knows I'm not waiting on the other side of the door." She glanced upstairs, knowing she couldn't see the doorway from where she was standing but hoping that she would at least hear if the door was opened. But all she heard was silence.

"So what exactly did you say to her earlier?" Teaspoon asked, following her eyes with his own.

Rachel blushed, thinking of how blunt she'd been with Louise. "What I thought the situation called for," she replied. She glanced upstairs again then motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen. Louise was mad enough at her; Rachel didn't need her overhearing anything else that would put her over the edge. Lou needed to stay calm not fired up with anger like she had been earlier.

As Teaspoon sat at the table, Rachel nearly tossed a plate of food in front of him then went to pour both of them cups of coffee. Jimmy had told her that he was leaving soon to head back to the valley and that Teaspoon had said he was going along as well. She didn't want anyone going out without a full stomach - that was something she was very firm about.

He sat back in the chair and watched her harried actions, waiting for an explanation. He leaned out of the way as the coffee being poured in front of him suddenly landed on the table instead of in the cup.

Rachel grabbed a towel and started mopping the mess up, sighing heavily in the process. Once done, she threw the towel to the counter then turned to face Teaspoon. She had tried to stop worrying about the what-ifs but it was futile. Too much of her own past kept surfacing and that intensified the pain she felt for Louise. She knew Lou would have to come around on her own and that's why she had let her be but she also knew that there was a limit to what people could handle on their own. She'd resorted to liquor as a means of escape so Rachel wanted to be there for Lou no matter what happened to be sure something like that never happened to a loved one of hers.

Looking toward the ceiling as if she'd be able to see through it to the second floor bedroom, Rachel simply said, "She's in denial."

"I was afraid that's where she was headed," Teaspoon admitted, nodding his head in understanding.

Rachel nodded right along with him. "She has the perfect explanation for everything that's going on and wants to hear nothing I or anyone else has to say. She's mad at everyone: Kid for going to begin with, Jimmy for trying to scare her by bringing her this news, and at us for sounding like we're giving up on him." She sat in the nearest chair and took a long drink from her cup.

"So you couldn't get through to her?" Teaspoon asked between mouthfuls.

"I tried but when I realized she wasn't listening, I tried a new tact." She looked at him sheepishly. "I didn’t play fair; I used the baby." When he looked at her in confusion, she explained, "I reminded her how much the baby means to Kid and that she better calm down and take care of herself so she doesn't go through what I did."

"I'm sure it hurt bringing that up but I have a feeling that's just what the situation called for," Teaspoon said, trying to comfort Rachel once he'd seen the pained look of flashing back to a time in her life she didn't want to return to.

"Oh, Teaspoon, I don't want her giving up on him but I guess ... I guess I just want her to be prepared in case the worst does happen," she tried to explain. "The funny thing is that I can see where she's coming from and I can't blame her for acting the way she is. This is her way of holding onto him. Just think about all they went through to be together and then finding out she's going to be giving him a child. If she accepts what Jimmy's told her or even allows herself to think of the possibility, then it's like she's given up on him."

"She'll come around. This is a hard bit of information for any of us to swallow," Teaspoon acknowledged. "Jimmy feels as if he failed her so he's not talkin' sensibly right now and we're trying to convince her Kid might not walk away from it this time; no wonder she wants nothin' to do with any of us."

"Maybe she's right," Rachel said softly. "Maybe he found the strength from somewhere. He wouldn't give up, that we definitely know. He'd be fightin' with every breath inside him to try to come back to Lou. But if she's not open to the possibility of the worst happening then it'll hit her like a ton of bricks. And I don't know if she can recover from that."

"Well, she's got us; we'll help her through it if need be," Teaspoon told her.

"She just shouldn't be gettin' upset, not with the baby," Rachel said worriedly as she glanced at him. "I know she loves that child already and wouldn't intentionally hurt it but at this moment she's not thinking clearly and that's what's got me concerned."

"It might just make her more protective of it. I mean that baby is her lifeline to the Kid," Teaspoon reminded her as he reached over and laid a gentle hand on Rachel's shoulder. "We'll get through to her - you may have already started her on the right path of thinkin'. It may take a while but eventually, even though it'll pain her to admit it, she won't be able to deny that that little one growin' inside of her might be all she has left of the Kid."

His voiced trailed out into the hallway, both of them oblivious to the soft footsteps that had made their way down the stairs and had now stopped just a few feet away from the kitchen doorway.

Lou's hands flew to her stomach as she heard Teaspoon talking about her little one, as he had begun to call the baby. It couldn't be, she thought, but despite trying to brush the words aside, she knew they were imprinted on her mind. The only thing left of the Kid - it jerked her back into reality as tears came to the corners of her eyes.

She started shaking her head in denial as she slowly backed away from the kitchen. She stopped walking when she bumped into the front door. Without thinking, Lou fumbled with the latch until it opened then stumbled out the door. She quickly closed the door behind her and leaned against it in an attempt to keep Teaspoon's thought away from her. But she knew it was too late - he was right and she'd known it all along.

"Oh, God," she sighed as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She kept rubbing her belly over and over again.

Lou felt herself slipping, inside and outside of her body. Inside, she felt as if the wall of defense she had built up around herself was once more being torn down. She had felt it disappearing when she'd gotten so emotional over Kid riding out in the first place, now she was feeling it as she realized her husband was critically injured and might never come home. Outside, Lou felt the weight of the situation was too much to carry and her legs started to give out. She slid down the door, landing on the porch with her legs gathered up in front of her.

"Lou!!"