Chapter 41

Kid was never so glad to feel his feet planted on solid ground as he was at that moment. It had taken longer than he’d expected, even with being injured, to make it to the valley floor but he was there. He gingerly touched his sore shoulder and cringed when he removed his hand and saw fresh blood on it. The wound had opened up during his descent and he had nothing with him to stop the bleeding.

Water; maybe if he washed the wound that would help. Kid slowly turned his head from left to right trying to get his bearings. He recalled seeing the creek from the ledge above; now all he had to do was try to remember where exactly he saw it. He wasn't thinking straight at the moment; his head had started throbbing again and the pain of it was making it hard to concentrate.

Kid sat on a large rock. "Concentrate," he said out loud to himself. "That way," he decided a couple seconds later as he pointed to the right. He pushed himself up with his good hand. Once he was steady on his feet he headed in the direction he thought he should, wiping his mouth in anticipation of what was to come.

Rachel stood outside the door to Kid and Lou's bedroom and knocked for the third time, calling out Louise's name at the same time. She had been surprised then dismayed when Teaspoon showed up at the schoolhouse not fifteen minutes ago and had informed her of what had transpired. As soon as she had heard how Louise took the news, Rachel knew the young woman needed her. Thankful that the town had recently hired a second schoolteacher for the newly built two room building, Rachel left all the children in the woman’s care and hurried to the way station.

Now here she was, ready to comfort a hysterical young wife but all she heard instead was silence. Worried as to what Louise must be feeling, Rachel decided to take matters into her own hands and slowly opened the bedroom door. She was shocked at what she saw.

Sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed was Lou. On her lap was one of the pillows from the bed. Her eyes were transfixed on it as her hand slowly ran across its soft surface then would repeat the action as if it was a reflex. It was the same action a person used when petting a dog, Rachel noted.

When she had stood in the doorway for several moments without being recognized, Rachel cleared her throat to break the silence in the room. She noticed Lou slightly moved her head at the noise but did not look up so Rachel softly said, "I expected to find you asleep up here it was so quiet." She moved to the foot of the bed and put her hand on the bed rail.

Lou gently put the pillow back in its place on the bed. Rachel noted with a grimace that it was Kid's pillow the young woman had been holding. She looked up as she heard Lou sigh then get off the bed.

"I don't feel like sleeping," Lou muttered as she moved to the window, pushing the lace curtains aside so she could look out. She didn't want to tell Rachel that she'd tried to fall asleep but each time she'd closed her eyes, an image of Kid lying in a pool of blood had surfaced so to avoid herself from seeing it again, Lou would stay up all night if possible, she determined.

Rachel studied Lou's posture. It was too perfect. And the way she kept avoiding her eyes, almost as if she was afraid that once she looked at Rachel, she would be brought back to reality and out of the fantasy she'd taken herself to.

"I felt the same way," Rachel told her, thinking back to the death of her husband. "The nightmares are the worse. They take over your mind and ..."

"I ain't havin' any nightmares," Lou yelled at her. "And I won't be havin' any because Kid is just fine," Lou said, this time more softly. "I have nothing to fear. Kid's been through a lot, I'll admit it, but it's not the first time he's been shot. He just got out of the way of the shooting, that's why Jimmy couldn't find him - he just looked in the wrong direction, that's all." She turned back toward the window.

Rachel stared sadly at the young wife and mother-to-be. She had hoped that Teaspoon had been exaggerating about Louise thinking Kid would be alright but realized he was speaking the truth.

Rachel watched Lou's actions, the firm set to her jaw, crossing her arms. And the way she kept speaking over and over again trying to avoid the subject at hand but only succeeding in bringing it out in the open more. Rachel remembered doing the same thing to herself right after her husband had died. All she wanted to think about was the good times they'd had together; she didn't want to focus on a future without the man she loved. She knew Louise was doing the same thing; the only difference was that Rachel saw her husband die while Lou was still in limbo not knowing what had happened to her husband.

Rachel didn’t want her to give up all hope, just to accept what she’d been told and go on from there. She didn’t want to keep sounding so negative but Lou needed to face the reality of the situation. ”Jimmy’s not even sure how hurt Kid is," Rachel told her softly. She hated to sugar-coat anything but maybe saying it out loud would get Lou talking.

"That's 'cause Kid is just fine," Lou declared, whirling around to face the other woman. "He just got separated from 'em is all. Jimmy was just too hasty in his judgment; he couldn't even be bothered to wait around for him. No, he'd rather come back here and try to scare me." In a huff, she sat in the rocker next to the window. She crossed her arms once again and turned away.

Even though she knew why Lou was saying what she was, her behavior was starting to get Rachel angry. "Now that is just not true and you know it," she said, crossing the room to stand in front of Louise who was still looking away. "You're blaming Jimmy because he brought you the news when all you want to do is yell at Kid for putting himself in the situation in the first place. Sweetie, I hope you get the chance to yell at Kid."

"I ain't blaming anyone and I don't want to yell at Kid," Lou said, looking up at her. "All I'm trying to tell you is that this conversation is unnecessary. Kid promised he'd come back to me so I'm going to focus on that promise and nothing else. He wouldn't go back on his word."

"Louise," Rachel began. She stepped behind her to sit on the edge of the bed. She hoped it would help to be eye level with her but it didn’t work as Lou once again turned away from her. "Sometimes promises are impossible to keep. No one wants to break them but things aren't always in our control. I know that my husband had told me everyday of our marriage that he'd always be there for me but it was out of his control to carry out his words. I never thought I could be so happy until I met him so when he died it was like a part of me died too. It was so hard losing him ..."

"Well I ain't you, Rachel," Lou yelled, getting up. "Why do you want me to think I've lost my husband? Now I'm real sorry that yours died but that ain't gonna happen to me. It can't happen," she whispered as she turned around and pushed the curtain aside once more. Lou didn't want to think about what Rachel was saying because thinking about it might make her start to think that she was right. She turned her head away; she knew if she looked at Rachel she would start to feel and right now she didn't want to feel anything.

Rachel heard the hint of desperation in those last words Lou muttered. This was the first sign that she might be getting through to her but since she knew the young woman so well, Rachel knew she couldn't push it too much or Lou would clam up and refuse to talk to her at all. She decided on another tact.

"Well, if you don't feel like talking about it then we won't. I'll be downstairs if you need me. Jimmy's talking about leaving soon to head back out to join up with Buck. I wanna make sure he does it on a full stomach." Rachel rose, went to the door and opened it but stopped before leaving the room. She looked back toward the figure by the window. "Why don't you stop and think about what's going on inside your stomach? You need to calm down and take care of yourself. You've got someone besides yourself to think about, Louise, and I know how much it means to the Kid. It's a part of him - not everyone is lucky enough to have a piece of the man they love growin' inside of them. And believe me, you don't want to know what it's like to lose it." She sounded bitter but at this point, Rachel didn't care. If Louise kept on being so angry, she could wind up hurting more than herself.

Lou only turned away from the window when she heard the door close. Her hands instantly grabbed onto her stomach, trying to massage her little one. She would never let anything happen to Kid's baby that was for sure. "Damn you, Rachel," she whispered as she rubbed her balled up fists into her eyes, shutting out anything that might try to escape.