Chapter 39

Lou was on her way to the way station after checking out all the catalogues at Tompkins' store, for the second day in a row. But this time it was worthwhile - she'd finally chosen the furniture she wanted for the new house but would wait for Kid's opinion before ordering. Thanks to help from Rachel, the place was now ready for Lou to move into but she didn't want to make that move until Kid was by her side. It was their home and she would wait for his return so they could finally begin their life together as a married couple.

Feeling satisfied that she'd accomplished something and knowing it was too early to start dinner for Rachel, Lou decided to pay Teaspoon a visit. She crossed the street opposite the jail and got halfway there before finding a huge surprise in front of her. Tethered to the hitching post in front of Teaspoon's office were several horses. Now that wasn't anything unusual but it was two particular horses that got her very excited. Catching her eye was a golden palomino and next to it was the prettiest sight of all, a paint mare.

She almost clapped her hands in joy but instead ran up the step and threw open the door to the jailhouse. A quick survey of the room revealed Teaspoon seated at his desk, several men in the connected jail cells, and Jimmy leaning against the metal bars.

Calling out to Jimmy, she failed to notice the shocked look on his face in her eagerness to find out the whereabouts of her husband.

"Lou," Jimmy said and shifted his feet uneasily. The whole way back to Rock Creek, he'd kept asking himself why - why was he giving up the searching and returning alone. Yes, he'd heard Sam and Buck's explanations and they made perfect sense but this was Kid they were talking about, his best friend. A man just didn't leave his closest friend behind to fight for his life on his own. A man did something to help his friend. Seeing Lou walk into the jail, Jimmy knew this was one way to help Kid but it wasn't what he wanted to be doing. He wanted, no, needed, to be out there with Buck. But how could he explain all this to Lou? Words alone didn't seem enough, especially when Jimmy was having a hard enough time sorting through his own emotions. She deserved to know what was going on - maybe knowing that would help him get through this conversation he'd been dreading.

"Louise," Teaspoon said, sitting up in his chair.

"Afternoon, Teaspoon," she acknowledged then turning her attention back to Jimmy, she said, "Jimmy, you're back so soon, you must have made good time. I see you boys got what you went for." She pointed to the jail cells then glanced around again to make sure she hadn't missed things the first time. "So where are Buck and Kid?" Lou knew she was rattling on but didn't care - her husband was back, that's all that mattered.

Jimmy leaned back against the bars and thrust his hands deep in his pockets. He turned his head to avoid her eyes; he couldn’t stand looking at them. The smile on her face was making them sparkle, making her look so happy. He couldn’t meet her eyes but kept glancing toward Teaspoon.

She followed his eyes and noticed Teaspoon wasn’t looking at her either then turned back to him. Lou wrinkled her brow in confusion, her smile fading. Jimmy usually didn't ignore her unless there was something he didn't want to talk about. She moved to catch his attention but he turned to the side to avoid her. "Don't tell me they went to the way station already. Oh, I hope Kid didn't head out to the new place - I've been spending a lot of time there but don't want to move in until we do it together," she rambled while continuously glancing between the two men. Lou was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. All they had to do was tell her where Kid was waiting for her and she'd be on her way. "So where'd he go?" She tried to smile but the way Jimmy was acting made her realize something wasn't right here.

"Jimmy? Where's Kid?" Lou asked in a tense voice. He was frightening her. "I know he's back 'cause I saw Katy out front.”

"What is it?" she asked nervously. “Teaspoon?” She tried directing her question toward the other man since Jimmy was ignoring her.

"Darlin', maybe you oughta sit down," Teaspoon suggested coming over to her and gently touching her elbow.

"I'm fine where I am," she told him, moving her arm so he couldn't touch her. "What's wrong?" Lou noticed the two men looking at each other over her head, all the while trying to avoid her eyes. It suddenly dawned on her the reason why and panic started to set in. "Something happened to him, didn't it?" she asked as the last words caught in her throat. She wrapped her arms around herself as she felt her worse fear coming to life. "Jimmy?"

Slowly he nodded. "He was shot," Jimmy quietly told her.

Lou suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. She turned away from the men and grabbed hold of the gate behind her for support. "Why, Kid?" she sobbed before covering her mouth in an attempt to stop the tears from coming. "He's just always gotta play hero, doesn't he?" she asked no one in particular. Slowly she turned around to face them. "How many times has he been shot already, Jimmy, huh? More than we can count. What, is he getting patched up before he comes to see me?" When Jimmy didn't answer, she turned to head toward the door but was stopped by Jimmy grabbing hold of her hand.

"Lou, wait."

"What do you mean wait?" she questioned in confusion. "I can't. I have to get to the doctor's office. He might not like me tellin' him what I think of him getting in the way of a bullet but Kid needs me." She wrestled her hand free then attempted to leave once again, only to be stopped by Teaspoon blocking her path.

"Sweetheart," he softly said, placing his hands on her arms.

"Teaspoon, what are you doing? I have to go to Kid," she argued.

"Lou, you can't," Jimmy told her, coming up behind her.

"And why the hell can't I?" she yelled at him in frustration. "He's my husband - I need to see him."

"You can't see him because he ain't there," Jimmy yelled back. He slowly walked away from her, toward the desk and took a seat in front of it.

"Then where is he? He came back with you, right?" She searched his eyes for an answer but found nothing but a blank stare. "Right?" she pleaded.

"I couldn't bring him back with me, Lou." Jimmy said, the frustration he was feeling clearly evident in his voice.

Lou wrapped her arms around herself as the meaning of his sentence sunk in. "He's hurt that bad?" she asked quietly. She closed her eyes then instantly opened them as an image of Kid lying in a pool of blood flashed before her. “Damn it, Kid,” she said to herself, “why did you have to take the chance? I told you something like this could happen but you always have to try to prove me wrong, don't you?”

"I ain't sure how hurt he is - I never got to see him," Jimmy admitted in a calmer voice while still not looking at her. He'd glance at Teaspoon once in a while but didn't dare look at Lou. In his eyes he'd failed her - he'd promised to bring Kid home to her and here he was safe and sound in Rock Creek and Kid was God knows where.

"What in the world does that mean? You were with him, weren’t you?"

"Louise, what Jimmy is trying to tell you ..."

"Is that I don't know where he is." Jimmy stood and finally looked at her. "I just don't know," he said matter-of-factly, not being able to tell her any other way but straight forward. He shrugged, sat back down, and leaned back in the chair.

"Could someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" She turned toward Teaspoon for an answer. "Where exactly is he?" She turned around when the voice came from behind her, instead of in front of her.

"We were in a valley about a days ride from here," Jimmy began. He stared at the wall in front of him when she turned toward him. "It was an ambush. He got hit straight away. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it from happening."

She leaned back against the gate for support. "Damn it, Kid, you just can't stay in the background of things, can you? Gotta be right up where the action is." She ran her hands down her cheeks, stopping by her mouth, winding up in a prayer like stance. "Why did you come back without him? I don't understand, Jimmy. He's family - how could you just not ... help him?" She was trying to find the right words but nothing seemed to be coming out the way she wanted. But he wasn't making it any easier on her.

"I did what we thought needed to be done," Jimmy said quietly, getting up and walking past her toward the door. He stood with his back to her.

Lou stared at his back. "That's all you've got to say? You've told me nothing! Doesn't it matter to you? Do you think we'd be standing here not caring if it was you who was shot? Damn it, Jimmy, talk to me," she pleaded, getting angry at his lack of response. "This is my husband you're talking about?"

"You think I don't know that? What do you want me to say?" Jimmy yelled as he turned around quickly, causing her to take a step back in surprise. "You want me to tell you how he got thrown off his horse from the force of the bullet and by the time I was able to go back to him, he was nowhere to be found? Is that what you wanna hear?" He stared at her until she turned her eyes away then he walked back toward the door and stood looking out, his back to her once again.

He was hurting, she finally realized it, but damn it, so was she. And she needed to get answers from him. "Then you did what? You came back here? You've always covered each other's backs before, why was this different?" she asked in shock. She felt as if her head was spinning and was sure her questions were coming out that way, repeated over and over again, just with different words each time. The main reason she felt this way was because she was scared but more than that, she was so mad right now and needed to take it out on someone. "I know he's been shot before and can take care of himself but that doesn't matter. Kid was hurt and you just left him?" she accused, getting angry.

"No, I didn't leave him!" Jimmy yelled, coming to stand before her. "I would never do that to him. Buck and Charlie are looking for him but that's beside the point."

"Jimmy, Lou, that is enough!" Teaspoon commanded. "Yelling won't ease the pain or solve the problem."

"It's not a 'problem' we're talking about, Teaspoon, it's my husband's life," Lou retorted as she came toward him then glancing at Jimmy, added, “and your friend.” She felt a momentary triumph when she noticed Jimmy still stood his ground but his eyes were diverted to the floor instead of at her.

"Sweetheart, I understand you being upset by this and maybe a little angry but taking it out on Jimmy won't help matters any."

"I ain't taking anything out on Jimmy," she told him sternly. "I'm just trying to get answers and he won't give any." She turned toward Jimmy as she spoke. Lou stepped in front of him in an attempt to get his attention but he still ignored her, this time by looking over her head instead of at her.

"I can't be here." Jimmy glanced at Teaspoon then walked past Lou, only to pause next to her. "I'd trade places with him in a heartbeat, Lou, I hope you know that." With that said, he strode out the door and was gone.

"Jimmy," Lou called, not moving. "Jimmy, where you going?"

"Let him be, Louise. He'll come around when he's ready." Teaspoon came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders only to have her pull away.

She didn't want comfort, didn't want to be coddled; Kid had never let her down but she had let him down by not accepting what he needed to do, what he and Jimmy needed to do. She'd been selfish and only thought of herself and what she wanted, now here she was proving that she was right. But she didn't want to be right, damn it!

Lou moved away from Teaspoon and slowly walked to the open door. She stood in the doorway, looking in the direction Jimmy had taken. "He promised me," she muttered.

"Who promised you what?"

"Nothin'," she answered. "It was all my doing anyway. I shouldn't put that responsibility on anyone but I couldn't stop myself. Maybe that's what happened - he was distracted thinking about me not liking what he was doing and he forgot to pay attention." She wrapped her arms around herself for comfort but it wasn't working.

Teaspoon studied the young woman in front of him. She was one of the strongest people he'd met but still there was a limit to what people could handle. He prayed to God that this was the worst news she got from this whole situation.

She had obviously been shook up by the news so Teaspoon wanted to handle talking to her delicately. She'd already blown up at Jimmy a couple times and he didn't think it was good for her to keep getting that upset.

"Louise, why don't you come sit down?" he offered.

"I don't wanna sit down," she yelled, turning around. "I ain't some fine piece of china that's gonna break so you have to handle me carefully. I'm fine and so is the baby. I'm just trying to figure this all out." She threw her hands up in frustration then brought them down, clenching her fists angrily.

Teaspoon began to worry about her mood swings. He had understood her yelling at Jimmy earlier - it was her way of releasing her worry and even some anger. But she seemed angrier now.

He leaned back against the edge of his desk as he watched her turn toward the window once again. "Now, Lou, you have to remember that Jimmy wasn't next to the Kid when he fell so it might not be as bad as he lets on. You just have to have faith and try not to worry."

"Who said I'm worried? I ain't worried," Lou exclaimed, turning to face him.

Teaspoon held up his hands in defense. "Alright, you ain't worried but, darlin', you gotta settle down. I know waitin' can be frustrating, especially when you don't know nothin' but you have to prepare yourself for whatever the situation brings." He hoped he sounded vague but realized too soon that he'd said the wrong thing again. He shook his head - even with having been married six times, he still couldn't figure out women's mood swings.

Lou stared at him in shock. He was giving up on Kid. She couldn't believe it. Sure she was upset and angry at him and even madder at herself for arguing with him, not letting him be Kid and do what he needed to do, but she would never doubt he wasn't coming back. Not without clear evidence anyway and she hadn't heard or seen any. Well, she hadn't, she argued with herself.

"There's no 'situation' to get upset over,” she reminded him in a stern yet calm voice. “Waitin' like this ain't much different than waitin' when he was late comin' home from a run. There was no sense worryin' then so why worry now? If anyone can handle himself out there alone it's the Kid." She nodded her head in agreement to what she'd just said then turned toward the window once again.

Teaspoon stared at her in confusion. She had been upset by the news that he'd been shot, that was clear by the anger she'd shown earlier, and now she was standing before him talking as calmly as if Kid was late coming in for dinner. Something didn't sit right with this situation and he was going to find out what was going on.

"Louise, we'll find out what happened to Kid," Teaspoon promised. "It may take some time. Jimmy is heading back out after him and I'm gonna ride along. One of my boys is hurt and he needs all the help he can get."

"The things Kid has been through, they've made him stronger. Besides, it ain't the first time he's been shot and thrown from a horse, Teaspoon," she reminded him. She sat down in a nearby chair and began playing with an imaginary string on her skirt. "When we were bringing Elias Mills to his hanging, remember how we told you Kid got shot by a drifter we ran across? He lost a lot of blood but I took care of the wound the best I could and he recovered just fine. This ain't no different." She closed her eyes trying to block out the memory, even as she was saying it. She'd never told anyone how she'd lost sleep over worrying if he'd made it back to town safely or not. Lou had actually been relieved when he'd returned, not for saving their lives but because she could take care of him and see for herself that he was going to be fine. That's what she wanted now - to see her husband, hold him, and know that he was still with her.

It was as if she wasn’t even listening to anything he said, Teaspoon realized. How could he make her accept what was going on? “Sweetheart, you have to keep remembering that Jimmy and the others aren’t exactly sure how bad he is but the longer he is out there on his own …” He sighed, letting the rest of the sentence remain unspoken as he saw her begin to shake her head from side to side.

Lou couldn't give up believing he was alright because if she did then it was like she was giving up on him. And she could never do that to him; she loved and believed in him too much. She needed to show the others how much faith she had in him. She looked up at Teaspoon. "He's a fighter, always has been. I know Kid and how he handles himself in these situations. He's on his way home right now, I know it, and I gotta be there, waitin' for him so I can take care of his wound like I always do. Kid won't let me down - he promised he'd come back and nothin', especially a little gunshot wound, is gonna prevent him from keeping that promise."

Lou got up and walked slowly toward the door. With her head held high, she stepped out the door and sure that Teaspoon would be watching her, kept walking until she’d rounded the corner by the jail; only then did she pause to collect herself. He's gonna be just fine, she assured herself over and over again. There was no way she would let any of them get to her with their worry talk. How could they even doubt that Kid would be anything but able to fully recover from whatever was thrown his way? She shut her eyes tight as moisture started to form in the corners. I will not cry, she told herself. She had to be strong, Kid was depending on her. He'd come home, she'd apologize for being so foolish and petty and they'd get on with their life. That was it, so there was no reason to cry when everything would work out just fine.

Lou took a deep breath then quickened her pace, not stopping until she'd entered the house at the way station. She climbed the steps and entered the bedroom she shared with Kid. She closed the door and leaned against it for support, the weight of the situation heavy on her shoulders.

Her eyes fell on the bed that took up most of the space in the room. Was it only less than a week ago that she'd mentioned them almost breaking this bed with how much use they gave it and him surprising her with their own home? Home. Kid would be back in no time and want to celebrate his return the way they'd celebrated ever since getting married. Of course they'd have to work around his injury but what was life without a few challenges thrown into it? She tried to chuckle at the thought but failed as she slowly walked to the bed she'd been sleeping in alone for the past few nights. She walked around to her side of the bed and sat on the edge. Exhaustion suddenly took over and Lou let herself relax enough to lie down. She turned on her side, her hand reaching out to caress the pillow next to hers.

"Oh, Kid," she sighed, "please, fight with everything you got inside you. Fight for us ... for our child. I need to tell you I was wrong and that I promise to never make too many more demands on you, or anyone." She paused to wipe at the wetness that had started to appear on her cheeks. "We never got the chance to start our life together yet, just the two of us. Come home soon, Kid, I waited longer than I should have to become your wife, please, let me stay your wife and not your wi..."

She gasped, shocked that she had almost said that awful word. The tears were now flowing freely as she grabbed his pillow and brought it to her face. She breathed in its aroma that was all Kid, relaxing in the familiarity of the scent. He always brought her comfort and would again. She would not think anything less until she saw him riding home to her, and no one could tell her otherwise about the health of her husband, she determined.