Chapter 23

Lou stepped onto Rachel's front porch, pulling her coat on as she closed the door behind her.  She and Kid had spent the last hour talking and making love and though she still didn't like the idea of him riding off to join the posse, she did feel relieved that she'd voiced all her concerns.  Even though she didn't want to admit it, she knew that if anyone could get themselves out of a tight spot, it was the three men who would be riding out of there tomorrow morning with Charlie.

She had left Kid up in their room to gather items for the trip.  There was something she needed to take care of as soon as possible so when she saw a light on in the barn, she decided to look in there first. 

Lou heard a low voice coming from the barn so she slowed her footsteps, trying to figure out who was inside having a conversation.  She paused in the doorway in surprise.  She only saw one person and he was doing something she never thought she'd witness him doing.

She grinned as she leaned against the doorframe.  "This a new habit of yours, talkin' to your horse?  Keep this up and we'll have to start callin' you Kid Junior."

Jimmy looked up in surprise at hearing the feminine voice speaking.  He smiled and shook his head.  "I guess I just spent way too much time in the man's company, huh?"

"Yeah, his habits do have a way of rubbin' themselves off on a person," she said as she slowly entered the barn, making her way toward the stall he was in.  "It's strange isn't it?  Bein' in this barn, gettin' supplies together, your horse ready, it feels like just another mail run, doesn't it?"  She leaned her arms on the top rail of the stall and dared to look at him.

"Yeah," Jimmy agreed as he gave his horse a final pat then walked over to her.  "But you and I both know it's much more serious than that."

Lou nodded then moved out of the way so Jimmy could exit the stall.  "I owe you an apology, Jimmy."

Jimmy looked up from the latch he was fastening.  "Lou ... "

"Jimmy, please," she said softly.  He nodded then she continued, "I didn’t exactly act like a grown up married lady in there, did I?  I thought I was mad at you but it was me I was mad at for the way I was feeling and what I was thinking of you.  Whether I said it aloud or it was just in my thoughts, you didn't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.  You didn't come here to cause any trouble; you came to get back your family."  She looked at him.  "I've missed you, Jimmy, a lot.  It's not the same without you around."

"I've missed you, too, Lou.  I've missed my whole family, more than I even thought I would," he admitted as they walked toward the barn entrance.  She sat on a bale of hay while he leaned over the railing of a nearby stall.

"I know you would never intentionally cause any trouble for me and Kid, that's why I feel so horrible ... "

"How can you say that?!" Jimmy asked in surprise.  "After the way I treated the two of you before I left?  I deliberately tried to pick fights with him because it was easier than listening to what he had to say about Rosemary.  I wanted something so bad; something that deep inside I knew wasn't going to happen.  So I chose to shut myself off from the people I cared about the most just so I could keep my pride intact.  I didn't want to admit that any of you might be right about her. I was only thinkin' about myself and didn't care if I hurt anyone in the process.”

As he paused, Lou glanced at him.  It finally made sense – the arguments between him and Kid were just their way of not trying to get hurt by the other.  They’d all been guilty of saying and doing what they shouldn’t in those weeks following the wedding.  If only they’d realized it sooner, all of this alienation could have been avoided.  As much as they’d been at fault, pushing him away from them, Jimmy had also pushed himself away by not saying how he really felt about it all.  

“I wasn't nice to either of you so how do you know I'm not that same shallow person who left here all those weeks ago?"  He found her eyes on him the whole time he was speaking so he kept her gaze.

"Because you're here, that says it all.  I know it and Kid knows and it means so much to him.  See, I was the one being shallow before in the bunkhouse, only thinking of myself and what I want."  She looked away as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself.

"You were thinking of your family, Lou," Jimmy told her, coming closer.  "Nothin' wrong with that."

"It's just, I ... I never thought I'd have any of this and now that I do, I don't want it taken away."  She looked at her hands resting in her lap as she continued,  I'm afraid, Jimmy.  That's not something I admit to that often, but I am.  I love him more than anything."

"I know you do, Lou."  Jimmy came and sat next to her.  He tentatively reached out his arm, wanting to wrap it around her shoulders, give her some comfort, but pulled away, thinking it wasn't his place to make such a gesture.  He finally placed both hands firmly on his thighs.

Having sensed what he wanted to do, Lou glanced over at his hands, wishing he had given her a hug.  The two of them used to be so close.  Deciding to bridge the gap that had formed between them, she reached over, picked up his hand and lifted up his arm.  She then moved herself to slide under it.

Jimmy looked at her in shock, finding his arm around her shoulders.  He was taken further off guard as Lou leaned her head against him.  He didn't know what to do so he finally decided to take a chance and pulled her closer to him.

They sat like that for several seconds.

Lou slowly lifted her head and looked at him.  "That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

Jimmy chuckled.  "No, it wasn't.  I'm just glad your husband didn't walk in on us," he joked.

"I think even he would approve," she laughed then became serious.  "Jimmy, I want to ask a favor.  I'm sure I ain't got the right but I need to ask anyway."  She turned her worried eyes up at him once more.

"Anything, Lou, you know that."

"Promise me you'll look out for him, bring him home safe to me."  She found herself almost pleading with him but didn't care.  Kid meant the world to her and she would do whatever it took to have him come home to her.

Jimmy knew it would be an impossible thing to promise and knew Lou was aware of it as well.  But this was Lou and she would always hold a special place in his heart.  He didn't want to be the cause of her being unhappy so he agreed.  "I promise.  I promise I'll do everything in my power to bring him home safe to you."

"That's all I can ask.  Thank you."

He nodded.  The two sat in companionable silence for a few moments until Jimmy decided to break the seriousness in the air.  "A baby, huh?"  he asked, grinning at her.

Lou looked at him and instantly blushed.  She knew that look - it was the face of a man who had caught her and Kid sneaking out of the bunkhouse, in the middle of the night, more times than she wanted to admit.  "Yes, a baby," she admitted, shyly smiling.

Jimmy nodded then looked her up and down, his eyes finally resting above her waistband.  He leaned forward, trying to get a better look.

"What?" Lou asked, feeling eyes on her.  She followed his gaze and realizing what he was looking at, playfully smacked his chest.  "Stop that!  I ain't showin' yet."  She pulled the ends of her coat together to cover herself.

"Just checkin'.  You are gonna be a sight to behold," Jimmy told her, still grinning. 

Lou stood up, scrunching her face up at him, trying hard not to smile.  She placed her hands on her hips and trying to be stern, ordered, "If you even think of teasing me about my changing size, you can just forget about visiting until after the baby's born."  She nodded her head firmly, telling him this discussion was over, then turned on her heel and walked out of the barn.  Only then did she let the smile surface.  It was just like old times, finally.

Jimmy stood, arms crossed in front of him, and he started to laugh.  Leave it to Lou to turn an apology into a threat, well at least a playful threat anyway.  What she was really doing was giving him an invitation to come back and visit them anytime he wanted - as long as he didn't joke about how fat she was getting.  "Now there's no way I can promise not to do that," he told his horse as he walked back toward the stall.  "She's just gonna be too tempting a sight!"