SOMETIMES
THE PAST COMES BACK...SOMETIMES
THE PAST COMES BACK...© 2000
Lou sat behind the school desk and let her mind travel back to a much better time. She hadn't had much time to dwell in the past lately, not with Seth starting to crawl and get into everything. But every once in a while she would allow herself a few moments to think about how different her life may have been...... if she had accepted his proposals. Kid had asked her two different times to marry him, but she had refused both. Not willing to give up the life she had at the time, masquerading as a boy riding for the pony express. She never doubted her love for him, and his for her, she just thought, hoped really that he would wait for her. Wait until she was ready to give up the freedom she thought she had living life as a boy..most of the time. Well, she thought regretfully, she was wrong and now she realized just how selfish she had been to even think that he should wait for her.
Kid had left Rock Creek shortly after her second refusal and with him he took a part of her no one would ever have.
She was startled out of her daydream by the stirring of little Seth from his nap in the cradle she kept in the school house. She had had to work to support them because Robert rarely came home any longer, and hadn't provided money since Seth's birth. She didn't mind so much that he didn't come home, actually relieved each day he didn't come home, but struggling to make ends meet for her and her son was cumbersome. Robert was not the man she thought she had married.
A little while after the express days were over each of the riders went separate ways. Lou and Rachel stayed at the old way station, Lou planning on heading to St. Joe to get her brother and sister as she had always planned. But Rachel took sick and when they realized it was going to be a lengthy recovery Lou agreed to take over as school teacher until Rachel could resume her duties. Little did she know what that meant for her future.
He was a very tall and dashingly handsome man that came to her schoolhouse that day selling school supplies they would need for the school year. Though she wasn't really looking for romance, she found it hard to think about other men since she'd lost the Kid, but Robert liked what he saw. It didn't take long until he had convinced her to have dinner with him, and he was charming and kind. Well, the rest of the courtship was short but Robert treated her kindly and she, knowing she had lost her one true love, accepted his proposal. She knew she would never share the love with Robert that she and Kid had shared, but she could envision making a decent life with him.
It wasn't long after their wedding day that she saw the first flashes of his anger and rage. She didn't quite have the meal ready when he came home and without any warning he'd slapped her - hard. She was overwhelmed, she couldn't believe what just happened. She placed her hand on her cheek and felt the warmth from the blood rushing to the place he had just slapped. She glared at him trying to understand what had just happened. He seemed unmoved by her pain. Confused and overwhelmed she couldn't think straight, she served the meal and they ate in silence. After Lou had cleaned up the dinner dishes Robert took her forcefully to the bedroom, after quite a struggle on her part, begging him to leave her alone and to not do this she gave in to him, his strength far outweighing hers. When he finally finished he rolled off of her dropping immediately into a deep sleep , leaving her feeling guilty and ashamed; she wept bitterly.
Life changed drastically for Louise McCloud Clark that evening. The fire usually burning brightly in her chocolate brown eyes began to dim. Robert came home seldom, but when he did he was drunk and all he wanted was to take what her referred to as "rightfully his". Lou had begun to contemplate things she didn't think she would ever be able to do, kill him, kill herself...she had lost all hope.
The only good thing that had come out of the first year of their marriage was her pregnancy. When she found out she was pregnant she was excited; maybe this would change things, maybe Robert would change, maybe he'd become the man she thought she had married.
Seth was born right after the second anniversary of Robert and Lou's wedding. And though right after his birth Robert seemed to have softened, it didn't take long before the abuse began again.
Coming out of her daydreaming she picked the baby up and began to head home, "Don't worry Seth, I will find a way out of this, I won't let him ruin your life, too."
She decided to stop by and check on Rachel before returning to her home. She walked into the front door to be greeted by Rachel, who never really made enough of a recovery to resume her teaching responsibilities. Although weakened by her current state of health she was able to get around and Lou's precarious situation did not go unnoticed by her. "Louise, you have to get yourself out of that situation, you know you deserve so much more"; she thought about the Kid and how he had adored her, how her life would be so much different if he hadn't left. "Now if I had the strength I would physically take you away, but I can't do that, this is something you have to do- please Louise- don't wait until it's too late" she pleaded.
TO BE CONTINUED...
