AND JILL CAME TUMBLING AFTER

In the days that followed, Jack and Maddy slipped effortlessly into life in Sweetwater. The spare room at Lou and Kid's became Jack's own, and Maddy settled in permanently with Hannah. The two little girls mirrored the friendship of their mothers, who had become closer than ever. Ben established himself as Maddy's protector, and even little Adam doted upon her, trailing at her heels whenever she and Hannah played. In turn, Maddy was a regal little queen in answer to Ben's earnest loyalty, and bestowed Adam with sisterly affection. However, it was Hannah who was taken into her heart and declared her best friend in the world. She was devoted to her Aunt Lou, whom she considered absolute perfection, and she adored the Kid, but it was Jimmy who captured her heart most completely. She worshipped him and was by his side at every opportunity. "Uncle Dimmy" became the light of her world, in a way that even her mother could not be. For Maddy had without a doubt been born to be a 'daddy's girl'. Time had quickly begun to
fade the vague memories of the father she had undoubtedly loved, and soon his face was replaced by Jimmy's.

The people of Sweetwater came to be familiar with the sight of the tall, rugged young man walking down the sidewalks, his long stride lessened to accommodate the wee girl attached to his hand, the dark-haired, blue-eyed child chattering away at rapid speed. There was a new softness to James Hickok, a new expression in his eyes that had never been there before. Everyone noticed it. For his part, Jimmy knew that he could never have gotten through the days without Maddy. Jack was too near for his comfort. Before, he had let himself into Lou and Kid's without the slightest thought; now, he never entered
without knocking, fearful that he would find Jack alone and be tempted to fall on his knees before her and reveal feelings he certainly never wanted to reveal again. He had been used to dropping in at mealtimes when the notion took him, knowing he was always welcome; now he came far less often, unable to sit across from Jack with any ease. She had the knack of turning his world upside down. If it weren't for Maddy, Jack's return would have sent him running.

He had never before admitted to anyone how much he envied the Kid his children. He was now used to the fact that he wasn't ever going to have a love like the Kid had, but the fact that he had been cheated out of children as well tore him up inside. People didn't realize he wanted children; hell, Lou had laughed at the thought one day when he had mentioned it, and he had never mentioned it since. Not to Rachel, not to Teaspoon, not to the Kid himself.

He was a good uncle; he knew that. Ben and Hannah and Adam were crazy about him, and he was pretty crazy about them, too. He had a great time playing games with them and making them laugh, he loved when they climbed into his lap and read a story out loud, or sang to him. He liked buying them candy
and sneaking it to them behind Lou's back and taking them for horseback rides with the Kid. He loved all of that. But he had none of the real pleasures of being a father. The Kid was their provider and their defender; he was a hero to his children, the only hero in their eyes; he could fix any problem, fend off any bully, and when Ben fell off the fence, or Hannah and Adam fought over a toy, it was Daddy's help they wanted, not Uncle Jimmy's. With Maddy it was different. For the first time, Jimmy knew the pleasures of being a father. He didn't care if the others laughed at him -- one of these days he was just going to tell them all how much fun it was, how much it meant to him to have that little girl need him.

One afternoon Jimmy passed by the creek to find Buck laying on the grass, a piece of straw sticking out from his teeth. He looked thoughtful and almost sad.
"What are you doin' away out here, ya lazy, good-for-nothin'?" he called out.
Buck turned his head and squinted at him. When he realized it was Jimmy, he laughed. "Same as you, probably: gettin' away from it all."
Jimmy crouched down beside Buck. "Nice out here, ain't it?"
"Beautiful," Buck agreed. "Where's your tagalong?"
"You mean Maddy?" Jimmy grinned.
"The little pipsqueak herself."
"She's helpin' her mama and her aunt Rachel out at the old station."
"Rachel and Cappie plannin' on movin' in there?"
"Well, he ain't actually asked her to marry 'im yet, but I reckon she's readyin' for that day."
"That's good. I imagine she won't have much longer to wait. Cappie's pretty foolish about her."
A companionable silence followed. Suddenly Jimmy was struck with a thought.
"I know why you're out here."
Buck nodded. "I always come out here on this day."
Jimmy shook his head in wonder. "My God, I can't believe it's been seven years already."
"Yes. Ike's been gone for seven years."
"It don't seem possible. Sometimes it seems like he was just here yesterday. Him and Noah both."
Buck sighed. "It may seem like that to you, but to me it feels like they ain't been here in a long, long time."
"You know what I mean," Jimmy added awkwardly.
"I know what you mean," Buck assured him. "Time passes differently for us all. I think about Ike every day; it just happens that on this day I always wind up thinkin' about him a lot more. And I always wind up comin' here."
"This is where he used to come and sketch, ain't it?"
"His favorite place, he said. I don't know why exactly, it don't seem much different than any of the other little spots along this creek. But he always came right here, to this very tree. Said he just liked it best."
"You gonna be all right, Buck?"
"Thanks; I'll be all right. After all, I got May to go home to. It's hard to be sad for long when you got a woman like that waitin' for you at the end of the day." Buck smiled.
Jimmy grinned wryly back. "All right for some, I suppose."
"You know, you ain't foolin' me, Jimmy."
Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "How's that?"
"Everyone's playin' guessin' games -- does he still love her, or doesn't he? Even the Kid don't know for sure, and I reckon he knows you pretty well. Better than Lou, even, although she fancies herself quite the mind-reader. But you don't fool me. I know the truth."
"I don't think I like the idea that everyone's talkin' about me behind my back."
"Well, get used to it. We're a family, and family always talks about their family. That ain't gossip, that's just love and concern. Don't give me that look, either. I'm feelin' a bit sentimental today, you should listen to me for a change. You love that woman and you want her back, and you're scared to death that she'll say no if you ask her."
"You don't know what you're talkin' about," scoffed Jimmy.
"Oh, I do too, dammit."
"No. You *don't*," Jimmy retorted angrily. "You're a happily married man, with a wife who loves you and a baby on the way. You're on top of the world. You don't know what you're talkin' about, Buck."
"Everybody's been hurt, Jimmy. It ain't like you're the first."
"Jesus, you don't think I know that? I ain't wallowin' in self-pity for the hell of it, you know! I ain't exactly enjoyin' myself!"
"Coulda fooled me."
Jimmy rose to his feet. "This *discussion* is over."
"That's right, Jimmy, take the easy way out," Buck called after him as he departed. "Just walk away and pretend she don't mean nothin' to you anymore. Just walk away instead of confrontin' her and demandin' the explanation that she owes ya!" He spoke the last in a loud shout, for Jimmy had descended the hill and was no longer visible to him.

Jimmy walked so fast he quickly grew winded. His head spun with the memory of Buck's words. Goddamn him. *Goddamn* him, what the hell did he know about anything? Up there in his little sugar-spun dream of a life, who the hell did he think he was judging feelings that were not his own? But he was right. Oh, Jesus, he was right. And Jimmy knew it. He still wanted Jack, he still loved her, and he most definitely wanted to grab her and shake an explanation out of her. She *owed* him an explanation. He had told her he would wait for her, she had told him she loved him and that her feelings would never change, and then less than a year after they said goodbye, Jack had married another man. She had had a child with another man. The thought killed him. Another man had created a child with her; a child was an act of love, and that child in particular was here, now, an adorable delight of a little girl who had captured Jimmy's affections as effortlessly as he had captured hers.

He had to leave. He had to get away. It was no good staying here. Cody had been saying for months that he wanted to do some scouting, at least start exploring land beyond Wyoming, and he was eager for a partner. Jimmy knew that it was the right thing to do, to leave and start something new. It would be hard. For once in his life he had something other than grudges and bad memories to leave behind. These people were his family; for better or worse they had stuck by him through the years, and it would be difficult
to replace that kind of steady, comfortable life with adventure or excitement.

He wanted to talk it over first, to find someone to use as a sounding-board, someone who wouldn't let their own personal opinion on the subject cloud their judgment. Which left Lou out right off. And Rachel.
Teaspoon would be a bit too preachy, and Cody would undoubtedly encourage him to come along, seeing as how that was the conclusion that would best suit his own interests. Obviously he could count Buck out, at least for the time being; at least until he'd apologized for his outburst, which he wasn't ready to do yet. He liked May, but didn't feel close enough to her to confide in. Which left the Kid. Over the years, as they had grown into men, they had become friends again, perhaps even closer than before. The Kid
would want him to stay, but he would also give Jimmy his honest opinion as to what was best for him.
The Kid seemed pleased to see him. "Well, hey there, stranger."
"Hey, Kid."
"Not used to seein' much of you these days 'less you got Maddy at your heels," Kid laughed.
Jimmy chuckled. "You ain't the first person to say somethin' to that effect."
"What's on your mind, Jimmy?"
Jimmy blinked in surprise. "Well, you cut right to the chase, don't you?"
"You got that look, that's all. I know that look pretty well."
"I'm thinkin' of leavin', Kid, maybe goin' with Cody when he finally leaves."

Kid sat down on the stool at his feet. They were out behind the house while Kid sharpened Lou's kitchen knives. He looked up at Jimmy, his eyes thoughtful. "Leavin', huh? Can't say I'm surprised. Surprised you waited this long, maybe, but not surprised you're thinkin' of goin'."
Jimmy grinned wryly. "You figured that, huh? And just decided to keep it all to yourself?"
"I had to wait till you said somethin' to me. I ain't a mind reader. I coulda been wrong."
"Well," sighed Jimmy, "you weren't. You were right. I think I oughta go."
"I don't think you *oughta*, Jimmy. Least, not in the way you're thinkin'. Maybe you oughta go for your own peace of mind, but you ain't got to go for any other reason. We're happy to have you stay, you know that. This is your home, we're your family, you have every right to stay."
"But you know *why* I wanna go," Jimmy interrupted impatiently.
"Oh, hell, of course I know. Jack's got you all riled and not knowin' which way is up." Kid shrugged. "I been there."
"We *all* know *you* been there," answered Jimmy. He rolled his eyes.
"All I'm sayin', Jimmy, is that you might wanna think twice before you up and leave. There's a lot for you here. I think the world of Jack and all, but is she worth leavin' for?"
"Is Lou worth leavin' for?" Jimmy challenged.
Kid shook his head in defeat and grinned. "You fight a hard battle, Jimmy Hickok."
"Fire with fire, I say. If you were in my situation, wouldn't you leave?"
"I *been* in your situation, Jimmy, that's what I'm tryin' to tell you! In case you forgot, Lou led me a merry chase for quite a while. I damn near gave up several times. But I just couldn't bring myself to let her go."
"Yeah, but Jack ain't mine to let go in the first place."
"Well, I don't know about that. I think that woman belongs to you maybe even more'n you belong to her. And distractin' yourself by carryin' on with Nellie Davis ain't gonna help you any."
"What are you tryin' to say?" Jimmy narrowed his eyes.
"I don't know what's goin' on between you and Nellie. You spend an awful lot of time over there. Maybe it's just time, I don't know. But if it's more..." Kid trailed off.
"It's not more," flashed Jimmy. "It is what it is, Kid."
"Are you sure Nellie knows that? She sure seems to fancy you, Jimmy."
Jimmy sighed. "I don't know how I feel about talkin' about all this." He shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. "Makes me feel kinda funny, like I oughta join one of them hen parties Rachel and Lou are always goin' to."
"What? Sittin' here talkin' about his feelin's makes the great Wild Bill feel a bit edgy?"
"Makes me feel a damn sight more than edgy."
They exchanged a laughing look.
"You love her, don't you?" asked Kid.
Jimmy grimaced and said nothing.
"Well, you got that frustrated look that tells me you do." Kid paused and eyed his friend. "Jimmy, if you think that leavin' will help you better in the long run, then I say do it. Move on, make a change in your life. There's nothin' worse than just sittin' and starin' at the person that's hurt you so bad. As long as you're not just runnin' for the sake of runnin', then it's the right thing to do. But I will say this, Jimmy -- if I were you I wouldn't leave until I'd heard Jack's side of the story. She owes you that much, at least."
"I don't know, Kid. I'm the one who said I'd wait for her. She tried to reason with me, but I insisted. Maybe I shoulda listened to her."
"If you don't find out why she did what she did, it'll eat at you for a long time, Jimmy."
Jimmy nodded. "I gotta think this out. Thanks, Kid."
Manhattan was tethered to the post at the front of the house. Maybe a nice long ride and then a trip to Cody's would help. At least he could find out what Cody's plans might be. As he neared the front of the house, voices became clearer. It sounded like two women.

It was two women. It was Jack, sitting on the porch steps, talking to Nellie Davis.

CHAPTER 1 ¤ CHAPTER 2 ¤ CHAPTER 3 ¤ CHAPTER 4 ¤ CHAPTER 5 ¤ CHAPTER 6 ¤
CHAPTER 7