AND JILL CAME TUMBLING AFTER

Jimmy was already in the stables brushing down Manhattan when Maddy skipped in the next morning. She was wearing a pair of Hannah's overalls and boots, her hair tied back in a braid. The moment she saw him she beamed. "Morning, Uncle Dimmy!"
Jimmy's grin was instantaneous. "Hey there, Maddy m'girl! did you have some of your aunt May's pancakes and syrup?"
"Yes! I ate two whole pancakes and ever so much syrup! Just loads and loads of it. Aunt May let me pour it all over!" She was delighted.
"Better not let your mama know," he cautioned playfully.
Maddy was grave when she answered. "Oh, don't worry. I won't tell her."
He crouched down till they were nose to nose. "You ready to learn how to ride?"
"Yes!" she exclaimed. Then she seemed to take notice of Manhattan, and her gaze went up, up, up to the top of the horse. "But she's so big!"
"Today I'm just goin' to have you ride with me, that way you can get used to horses. Then maybe tomorrow we'll put you over there on one of Uncle Kid's ponies."
"I like the little black one over there." Maddy pointed.
"That there's Bunny."
Maddy giggled. "I like his name."
"Do ya? Hannah named him."
"Naming horses must be fun."
"Well, we're due for a couple new foals this spring. Maybe your aunt and uncle will let you name one of 'em. In the meantime," Jimmy lifted Maddy from the ground and swung her up to Manhattan's saddle, "get on up there and get comfortable."
Maddy's eyes were huge and she gripped the horn of the saddle tightly. "I'm so high up here!"
"Get a good hold, 'cause I'm comin' up after you." Jimmy slipped his foot into the stirrup and with a short grunt, careful not to dislodge Maddy, he hoisted himself up behind her. He slipped his arms around her and grabbed hold of the reins. "Ready?"
Maddy moved her hands to clutch Jimmy's arm. "Ready," she said firmly.
"All right, then. Let's go." He touched his heels lightly to Manhattan, and she began to walk smoothly out to the barn and into the corral."
"I'm so high up," Maddy said again, her voice full of wonder.
"Want me to take you around the ranch? You can see where you'll be livin' for a while." He waited for her to nod, and guided Manhattan in the direction of the corral fence. Jack was standing there beside the gate.

She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. Jimmy's chest constricted painfully at the sight. Her dark blue eyes were shining, her cheeks tinted faintly by the sun and wind, a tentative smile resting on the full mouth that he hadn't kissed in far too long. What he wouldn't have given to be able to lean over that fence and press his lips to hers, to gather her into his arms and hug her, to talk casually with her of the day's events. But he had no right. She had taken that right away.
"Hi, Mummy!" Maddy called out, bravely releasing her hold on Jimmy to wave at her mother with both hands.
Jack waved back, laughing. "Hi, baby! Are you having a good time?" She opened the gate for them and closed it after Manhattan had gone through.
Jimmy stopped the horse beside Jack, who had scrambled up to sit on the fence. Just as she had in the old days, he reflected.
"I'm having a great time!" Maddy enthused. "Uncle Dimmy put me up on his horse and now he's going to take me round Aunt Lou-Lou's ranch!" Maddy began to babble away excitedly, and while Jack appeared to be totally absorbed in her daughter's speech, Jimmy couldn't focus on anything but the woman perched on the fence before him.

She was dressed in breeches and boots and an old shirt of Kid's, a wide-brimmed hat hanging down her back, her hair wild around her face. She was as beautiful as he remembered, despite the way her skin was drawn so tightly across her cheekbones. Her husband's illness and death had obviously taken their toll on Jack, but even so, she was lovely, still the face that had accompanied his dreams all these years.
"Mummy, come with us," pleaded Maddy.
"Oh, no, Maddy, you go ahead with Uncle Jimmy. I'm going to stay and help Aunt Lou."
Maddy frowned. "All right. You can come next time."
Jimmy nodded at Jack and steered Manhattan to make a turn. He hadn't said more than two sentences to her since he had arrived to find her seated at the dinner table the evening before.
Her voice stopped him. "Thank you, Jimmy, for taking her riding."
He looked back at her, nodded.
"It means a lot to me," Jack added, eager to draw him into conversation. "And it means a lot to Maddy."
"I'm glad," was all he managed to say.
Jack watched as he turned his back to her once more and walked Manhattan past the house, then further on to the hills that dotted the landscape. She felt her face burn with shame. It was plain he didn't even care to speak with her.
"Speak with me?" She said to herself disgustedly under her breath. "Speak with me? He can hardly bear to *look* at me!"

"Talkin' to yourself? You English folks sure are a funny bunch." It was Lou, walking down the porch steps toward her. She was grinning. Jack grinned back. "You've still got quite the mouth on you, I see," she replied, rising to the bait.
"Always will, I imagine. Now what are you doin' out here mutterin' under your breath?" She had joined Jack at the fence, crossing her arms and leaning against it.
"What do you think?" Jack sighed. "I just talked to Jimmy. Well, not *with*, really," she amended. "More like *I* talked and he stared straight through me."
"Give 'im time. He'll come around. Especially if you tell him your side of the story."
"I don't know that I intend to tell him, Lou."
"What?" Lou was shocked. "Jack, you ain't told me what happened yet, but even so, I know that Jimmy has a right to know."
Jack didn't answer. Lou climbed up beside her and waited. Jack's face was to the wind, her hair blowing out behind her. She was watching the hills, where Jimmy had disappeared with Maddy. "When I left you in New York, I watched you all waving to me from the docks," she said at last. "I stood up there on the deck and I saw the three of you down there waving like mad. The boat was pulling away, and all I could think was, 'This is the biggest mistake I've ever made'. But it was too late to go back."
"You coulda jumped overboard and swam ashore." Lou poked Jack with her elbow, trying to lighten the mood.
Jack continued after a small smile. "I stood on that deck long after everyone else had gone. I cried for hours. For the first few weeks of the trip, I just stayed in my cabin. Then I met Magnus."
"And he saved you," Lou murmured.
"Yes, he saved me."
"And he loved you."
"Yes. I knew it long before he admitted it to me. But I wanted no part of it. He was a good person and I cared for him, but all I could think of was getting back to America. I decided that I would visit with my parents for at least a month, and then I would come back, just in time for summer."
"How did you find out you were pregnant?"
"I began to feel...differently. I was nauseous for one thing, and I couldn't remember ever getting seasick before. I didn't have the appetite to eat anything, and when I finally did, nothing tasted good. After a few
weeks, of course, I had definite proof that I was pregnant. I was beside myself at first. I didn't know what to do. What would happen to me? What would happen to my baby? What would Jimmy say?"
Lou hugged Jack impulsively. "Oh, poor Jack."
"And then I thought of something Kid told me about Jimmy. It was when I first came to Rock Creek, when I was injured. He said, 'Whatever people say about Jimmy Hickok, I know who he really is.' That stuck with me. I thought, I know Jimmy Hickok, and he loves me. After that, I was excited. I knew that
Jimmy would help me, maybe even take care of me. And I wasn't worried after that. By the time we arrived in England, Magnus's parents had taken me under their wing, and I could tell that Magnus was feeling something stronger for me than I was feeling for him. You know, it's funny," she stopped, smiling
in bemusement, "I was so in love with Jimmy, but I could never be certain that he was in love with me, even though everyone else seemed to see it. But Magnus -- I *knew* he was in love with me, and I didn't care for him that way at all."
"What happened when you got home?"
"My mum and dad were happy to see me. When I told them I was going to have a baby, my dad was fit to be tied. He wanted to take the first boat to America, find Jimmy, and have him horse-whipped. But my mum talked him out of that, and eventually he calmed down. He started asking me questions about Jimmy, and soon I could see that he liked what he heard. And then he took into consideration the fact that *I* was a product of two unmarried people as well. A lot of things made him stop and think, and pretty soon he was picking out baby clothes with my mum and thrashing anyone who said anything cruel about my pregnancy."

"I planned on leaving for America, but the doctor said I wasn't well enough. I didn't listen, of course. By then I'd established a pattern in my life of leaving the moment I got the notion, and I wasn't about to change. But then I lost my baby. I...I can't talk about what happened then," she broke off, choking on an unreleased sob. "I just can't, Lou. You just don't know what it did to me."
"Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell *me*?"
Jack cleared her throat. "Well, at first I didn't say anything because I wanted Jimmy to be the first to know, and I wanted to tell him in person. I didn't think it was the sort of thing he should have to learn in a letter. After I lost Thomas, I didn't say anything because I couldn't bear to. The doctor said I couldn't have any more children. He said I'd ruined my body riding horses and traveling as much as I had. By that time, Magnus and his parents had found out. The Kendalls were furious, as I mentioned to you earlier. They felt I'd deliberately misled them; they called me horrible names, told me I was a harlot, a trollop, a whore. It was dreadful. But Magnus persevered. He told them he loved me and he didn't care if I'd
carried another man's child, or if I could never have any more. He wanted to marry me. At first I resisted. I didn't love him, I certainly didn't want to marry him. But he convinced me. He told me that I couldn't have any more children, and there weren't many men who would want a woman who couldn't have his babies, let alone a woman of my 'virtue' as he called it. He said, 'Jill, Wild Bill Hickok is not the sort of man to settle down with a woman like you. You'll never be suited to him. He fancied you as any man would, and by now he's moved on, as should you.'"
"How horrible!" exclaimed Lou. "Jack, I thought you said he was a good man!"
"He was. Oh, he was, Lou. Please don't think any differently. But he was a man of such little experience. He felt he knew best simply because he'd read about something, not because he'd ever actually lived through it. He told me that I would be better off with him, and I wound up believing him eventually. We married, and his parents were angrier than I'd ever seen them. But I just reminded myself that I had married the one man who would overlook my past and marry me despite my flaws. Six months later, I was
pregnant. I had Maddy, and my world changed all over again. I had been capable of having a baby all along. Suddenly everything was so clear to me: what a complete and utter fool I'd been to once again doubt what I felt for Jimmy and what he felt for me. I was surer than ever that Jimmy loved me and
we were meant to be together. But it was too late, then. I was a married woman, with a family, and I had turned my back on Jimmy."
Lou's eyes were welling up with tears, even as Jack turned calm and composed again. Jack continued, "So I lived with Magnus, and I loved him. I did. I loved him. And I could never have fallen in love with him in a million years. I loved him as a friend; he was very good to me, very kind and trustworthy. But I was never in love with him, not for a moment. I loved Jimmy from the first day of our marriage to the last, and I still love him."
"I guess I don't understand," Lou said finally. "I don't understand how you could marry a man you weren't in love with. It seems very wrong."
"It was," Jack conceded. "But people have married for reasons far more wrong. I was in a bad state, Lou, and I truly believed what Magnus told me. I believed I would somehow be less to other people, to Jimmy, because of what I'd been through. I believed that I'd done something so wrong no one else would ever want me." She looked at Lou and her lips curled into a sad smile. "I'm not as strong as you, Lou. I've never been as strong as you. I doubt myself far too much. *You* would never have turned your back on the Kid, no matter what someone told you to the contrary."
"You're right. I could never have done that. But Jack, you sell yourself short far too often. You are a strong person; one of the strongest people I know. Other women could never have made it in the life you've led. I know you've made mistakes -- hell, we all have -- but you've lived through them. You've made some tough choices; you've done things no one else would have had the guts to do, and you always make it through. Besides," Lou stroked her friend's face in a motherly fashion, "it's never too late to make things right, you know?"
"Lou, you have to promise me that you won't say a word to Jimmy. I have to tell him when I'm ready." Jack's eyes searched hers worriedly.
Lou took a deep breath and nodded. "All right, Jack, I promise: not until you're ready."

CHAPTER 1 ¤ CHAPTER 2 ¤ CHAPTER 3 ¤ CHAPTER 4 ¤ CHAPTER 5 ¤ CHAPTER 6 ¤
CHAPTER 7