In The Shadow Of The Gun:

A Fan's Saga of the Young Riders

By: PixEDust

Part One: Hickok: The Longest Ride

(Authors Notes: This story takes place directly after the episode Blood Of Others. This is my first Young Riders fanfic so be merciful. I tried unsuccessfully to find a map of the Pony Express Routs, so if I've got them going in the wrong direction, ; ) , or the distance doesn't make any since just try to look over it. I have an awful time with spelling so if you find any mistakes please drop me a line and let me know. Some words are deliberately misspelled to give the impression that the characters are narrating their own thoughts. Deliberate bad grammar is also used, ; ) , that's just the way they talk (sound). Alrighty, then on with the story...)

Clouds moving across the moon cast shadows across the bunkhouse walls, the mournful howls of wolves could be herd in the distance but all Jimmy could hear was the pounding of his own heart. All he could feel was the softness of Lou's lips. All he could smell was her skin and hair. All he could taste was her sweetness, but all he could see was a black void of despair as he lay in his bunk unable to sleep...

James Butler Hickok was a man tortured by his own honor...

and the love for a woman he could never have.

Lou and Cody were eyeing each other over the checkerboard as Teaspoon looked on. Lou and Cody kept up this constant prattle whenever they were doing anything together, Teaspoon thought it was because they both wanted to have the last word. He shook is head realizing that, it wasn't just Cody and Lou, it was all his boys. My girl too, he amended in his thoughts. Then he turned his gaze to his most troublesome boy, James Hickok.

Teaspoon scrunched up his face trying to figure out what was eating Jimmy, it was painfully obvious, to him at least, that something was wrong. Somehow he didn't think it was all on account of having to turn over Elias Mills to be hanged. No, there was something else to this story, something Jimmy and Lou weren't saying. He frustratedly wondered what could have possibly gone on. This wasn't the first time Lou and Jimmy had gone off together and came back stiff lipped, nope, there was somethin' goin' on between the two riders. They were as thick as thieves these days. Ever since he'd sent Lou on that run to Willow Springs with Jimmy for company. (Author's Note:Jimmy and Lou had a night on the town in the episode Color Blind.) She'd been so hurt, he'd thought it do her good to get away, and he knew Jimmy would keep an eye on her, not let her do anythin' rash or stupid. He'd been real afraid in those first days after Lou and Kid's breakup that she'd run away if they didn't keep their eyes on her. (Author's Note: Kid and Lou broke up in the episode Daisy, after Lou turns Kid's second proposal of marriage down.) They were both actin' funny now. Did the two of them have a fallin' out on this last ride? He'd bide his time, Teaspoon was a sharp man, he could learn a lot from just watchin' people. That and askin' the right questions at the right time. After all, the truth always came out if you waited long enough.

Jimmy waited, leaning up against the porch rail, for Buck to come in, and his turn to go out. He was glad Kid wasn't here, he was afraid he couldn't look his friend in the eye at the moment. Kid, Ike and Noah were out on a special run together. His new shadow Jesse wasn't around either, Rachel'd went to town for the day to do some shopping and had said something about trying to civilize the boy by taking him around with her. Jimmy almost smiled, thinking what a chore that would be. Jimmy shuffled his feet, he didn't want to sit down because he was afraid he'd fall asleep.

Jimmy Hickok had not slept well at all the night before. His conscious mind had tangled with Lou, keeping him awake way into the night. When Jimmy had finally succumbed to exhaustion the Kid had appeared guns blazing in his dreams. He'd had a nightmare, where he and the Kid were facin' down on each other. Only this time they both had guns in their hands and nobody was around to keep them from hurtin' each other. The dream had scared him. In the dream he didn't want to be stopped. He wanted to kill. He'd wanted to kill his best friend. He'd woken to Lou's touch on his arm. A touch that even now he could feel on his skin, but then his skin could remember all of Louise's touches... And the guilt of it was eatin' him inside out. That and thoughts of Elias Mills. He was all to sure that someday he would share Mills fate... the hangman's nuse...

"Hickok!", Teaspoon yelled. "Wake up boy, you're up!" Jimmy was startled out of his depressing musings by Teaspoons voice and the smack on the back of the head the older man gave him. Jimmy through him a hateful look as he picked his hat up out of the dirt where Teaspoon had knocked it. He mounted his horse just as Cody yelled "Rider Coming!". Lou brought one of their spare horses, all saddled up and ready to ride, out from the barn to him. She wouldn't even look at him as she held Thunder's reins up to him, and attached a canteen of water to his saddle. Her sweet voice saying "Ride safe, Jimmy." made him spur poor Thunder a little harder than he should have, the effect being that he passed Buck hell bent for leather almost pulling the young native from his horse as he made the pass.

As Buck brought his own mount to a halt he said, "I can see Jimmy's in his usual mood today..."
"What's that?", Cody said cutting him off.
"Surly..." , Buck replied with a tired smile.
"Rachel's gone to town, Buck, so we're just having sandwiches for lunch... That is unless you want to fix somthin'...", Cody gave him a hopeful smile that was crushed by Buck's sudden frown.
"Cody, if you spent as much time doing your work as you do trying to get others to do it for you, you'd be done. I'm too tired to eat anyway... I'm just gonna get some sleep." With that Buck disappeared into the bunkhouse.

Cody turned toward the way station, "Lou?", he started but she just ducked her head and disappeared inside. Undaunted in the least, Cody turned to the older man.
"Teaspoon?"
"Cody!", Teaspoon warned, "The good book says if a man won't work, he shouldn't eat, so if you want lunch today, better get to workin' now!"
"Awww Teaspoon!", the blue eyed rider wined. Teaspoon stuck his thumbs under his suspenders in that way he had, squaring his shoulders as he did so.
"Now, Cody!", Teaspoon said even more forcefully. Cody hung his head and kicked the ground looking all the world like a chastised schoolboy. Teaspoon made a shewin' motion with his hands and said, "Go on now, Cody, get ta work." Cody reluctantly led Buck's horse toward the stable.

A cloud of dust left testimony to the passing of the lone pony express rider. Jimmy couldn't get Thunder to go fast enough to suit his mood. He was a man on the run after all. On the run from his past, the men that he'd killed. On the run from the present, Louise...his feelings for her, and his guilty feelings towards the Kid. On the run from the future, the one he told himself he couldn't have. He once again dug his spurs into Thunders sides, the horse obliged him by setting a neck breaking pace towards Willow Springs.

It was the longest ride of Jimmy's life. He couldn't get it out of his head. He cursed himself for a fool. Still the images came unbidden to his mind. That one reckless moment when he'd lost his control. An image now forever ingrained on his soul. Jimmy relived the moment again, and again in his head. The moment his lips had met Louise's in that devastatin', mind blowin', unforgivable kiss.

Her voice said to him," When ya gonna stop walkin' away? When are you gonna admit the truth?" He'd wanted to turn away from her but instead he'd stoped and asked, "And what truth is that, Lou?" She'd said to him, "That when you look at Elias it's like starin' in a mirror twenty years from now. And it scares you to death." He'd had to face her then, with all his pain in his eyes, because she saw him, into his very soul, as no one else ever'd been brave enough too. Louise had looked horrifed, and said " I'm sorry. I had no right sayin' that." She'd been about to say more he thought but he'd told her "Yeah you did. I keep tellin' myself that that ain't gonna be me. But all I see is myself headin' down that same road." Her kindness to him had shaken him to his core as she'd told him, "It doesn't have to be that way." Jimmy had wanted to squash the sudden surge of hope he had felt by saying, "I don't think it's gonna turn out any different. People got their minds made up about me." And then she'd broke him. "Doesn't matter what others think. It matters what you think... For what it's worth though, I... I think you're a much better man than you give yourself credit for." She hadn't know what she'd done to him, he was sure, but when she said "Goodnight..." with that so lovingly sweet look on her face... and tried to kiss his cheek... Sanity had fled and he'd given in too the long buried, aching desire he harbored in his heart since the day he'd met her...

Then the other thought would come into his head. Jimmy wasn't the only man that had fallen in love with Lou at first site. There was the Kid. His best friend. He loved her too, Jimmy knew, even if he was being stubborn at the moment... It was only a matter of time before he reclaimed Louise as his. Lou don't love me, she loves the Kid. He repeated that in his head over and over again. He cursed himself for a traitor. Kid was his best friend. It wouldn't happen again, he told himself. I've just got to find a way to purge the thought from my mind. But what "way" exactly would that be? He still didn't have the answer as he approached the Willow Springs way station, and heard them yell "Rider coming!"

"Hickok coming." Freddy told his fellow. His companion, Danny, just nodded. They both looked at their station master apprehensibly. Hickok had a reputation, and a temper a mile wide. They'd all been witness to it before and never wanted to be again. People who tangled with Hickok had a way of turning up dead. The general census was just to give the man a wide berth and let, as they say, sleeping dogs lie.

"Hello, there Hickok, how'd the ride go?", said Parkson, the stationmaster, as Jimmy dismounted.
"Fine.", was the curt reply.
"Well, that's good. We weren't expecting you so soon... What time did you leave?", the stationmaster asked as he dutifully recorded the information down in their ledger. His eyes widened when Jimmy gave him the time.
"Well...", he said after a few minutes, "Congratulations, you just made the best time ever." Jimmy snorted in reply and turned back to Thunder, only to be turned back by Parkson's voice saying.
"Oh, by the way, Hickok this letter was dropped off for you today by one of the saloon girls..." Jimmy looked at the smirking men and took the letter crumbling it up and putting it in his pocket.
"That all? I'd like to get some rest if you don't mind.", it came out even meaner than he'd meant it too. The station master and his riders all took steps back and just nodded in reply.

Jimmy couldn't quite believe it when he was told he'd just made the fastest run between Rock Creek and Willow Springs, ever. He was a good sized young man and there were plenty of riders that were lighter than him. He guessed it must have been the demons that were plaguin' him these days that had caused Thunder to carry him so fast. That was until he saw the raw places on Thunder where his spurs had made contact with her flesh. Jimmy's face scrunched up, he hadn't meant to treat the loyal creature badly. So he cursed himself again and took Thunder to the barn to care for her. He could be heard murmuring over and over again "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to do it... it'll never happen again... I'm sorry..."

The station master of Willow Springs shrugged his shoulders at his riders. James Hickok was a strange man, and nobody here wanted to ask Wild Bill why he was talking to his horse. Much less bring up the fact that Hickok had tears in his eyes when he'd lead her away.

Across town at the Left Holster Saloon, it was a busy night for the bartender and the working girls. There'd been two stages full of gamblers and a whole outfit from a neighboring ranch come in. The shifty eyed bartender named Melvin and a whole host of colorful characters inhabited the Left Holster on any given night and this one was a doosey. Melvin sent a note and a beer over to the farthest corner table where a tall, green eyed, black haired man sat holding a soppy bar girl in his lap. The man took the note, and gave it a cursory glance as he sipped on the beer. Then he meet Melvin's eye and gave a small grin and nod.

Alec Kenner drank his beer and watched the door. His mind wasn't really on the saloon girl sitting on his lap. She was just a prop. A useful tool to help him conceal himself in this menagerie of debauchery and sin. Alec had bigger fish to fry tonight. An old score to settle and a name to make for himself.

The girl, Sally, sitting on his lap licked her lips and asked, "You wanna go up to my room hunny, and give me a toss?"
"In a bit Sally, in a bit, the nights young yet.", he replied as he offered her his beer to drink. "And I've got plenty of money to spend on you so lets take our time." Sally, fancied herself in love with the too good lookin' gunslinger, sighed lustfully, and tossed his beer down with the ease of a true drunkard. Alec smiled, and waited for Wild Bill to make an appearance.

Hickok walked down the street where not so long ago he and Lou had danced. She'd looked so lovely that night, his chest had puffed up with pride at being the center of the pretty girls attention. Kid had hurt Lou so badly with his thoughtlessness. Taking up with that school marm just after he and Lou had broken up. (Author's Note: Kid and Samantha, the school teacher got together in the episode Color Blind.) His guilty feelings were pushed aside as he thought about the shotty way that Kid had treated Lou. Lou was ten times the woman Samantha could ever be! How could he even think of anyone but Lou!

Yes, as he stood there in the middle of the street and let memories of that night wash over him he began to feel a lot less guilty indeed. It was Kid's own fault. If he really loved Lou, like Jimmy did, he wouldn't have went running after that school teacher so fast would he? Nope. He didn't really love Lou, he just wanted a woman. A lady. In fact that was what had split the couple in the first place wasn't it? Trying to make Lou into what he thought a lady should be. Kid was a fool. Kid had betrayed Lou's love for him. He called his friend a host of dirty names in his head. Kid wanted Lou back again, but for the first time Jimmy wasn't so sure he was gonna step back and let him have her. Yep, Jimmy Hickok was spoilin' for a fight, and Kid just might be the one to catch it!

Then Jimmy came to another place in the road. Here is the place where Lou disappeared from, he thought. His blood ran cold. All thoughts of courting Lou fled from him. She could never be his. He would never have anything to offer her but a life of movin' from place to place tryin' to outrun his name or worse. He could only bring her more pain and sufferin', that night had played testimony to that.

Then Jimmy heard a step behind him, and a gentile haunting voice said, "Jimmy, we got to talk."

Earlier that day at the Rock Creek Waystation:

Lou had just escaped Cody by going inside the house but didn't stay there very long before going out to the barn and saddling up her own horse, Lightning.
"Where you going Lou?", Cody asked her.
"That's none of your business William F. Cody.", Lou replied tightening her straps.
"Awww, come on Lou, you can tell me anythin' you know." Lou looked at Cody suspiciously then told him.
"Since it's my day off I'm goin' to go shopping... I might stay in the hotel in town so don't worry if I don't come home tonight."
"Alrighty, Lou. You could probably use some time off anyway, with the way things are between you and Kid right now, don't guess you want to be here when he gets back tonight...", Cody's voice trailed off as he noticed the glare Lou was throwin' him. He realized too late that he'd hit Lou's sore spot. Cody desperately searched his thick skull to find somethin', anythin' to take away the pain he'd put in those eyes of her's with his thoughtless words; but all he had time to say was, "Ride safe, Lou!" as she galloped away.

Lou had really meant to catch up to Jimmy and talk to him on the way the Willow Springs but she never did catch up to him. Lou got to Willow Springs an hour or two after Jimmy but decided to forgo the dubious pleasure of the waystation for the local hotel, where she could get a real bath. She'd found out from Parkson, that Jimmy had nearly ran poor Thunder to death getting here. Freddy and Danny two of the Willow Springs riders had told her all about the strange ness that was Wild Bill Hickok, coming in from his last ride. Lou was quick to warn them that Jimmy didn't like being called that, which shut them up at the implied threat. When she found out that Jimmy had already left for town, she made her excuses and headed to the hotel. When she got there she pretended to be getting a room for her twin Louise and snuck upstairs. She prettied her self up as best she could, transforming herself into Louise for the evening and as the sun slipped out of the western sky she began her search for Jimmy Hickok.

Freddy and Danny had also told her that Jimmy had gotten a letter from a friend via a saloon girl, to join a backroom poker game that night. It seemed a little strange to her, and even stranger that Jimmy would even share the information with anybody, but you never could tell with Jimmy. She was going to search every saloon in town, but it turned out she didn't have too. Her feet and memories had led her too him. So when she saw him standin' across the way she did what Lou would do. She walked right up behind him and said, "Jimmy, we got to talk."

Jimmy spun around ready to shoot.
"Lou! Don't every do that to me! I could have shot you dead!"
"I've got faith in you that you wouldn't.", she replied.
"What are you doin' here? Has somethin' happened?", he began to worry about his family.
"No Jimmy, everybody's ok as far as I know. Everyone but you it seems.", Lou looked at Jimmy trying to see his eyes in the darkness. Jimmy grunted and put his gun away, momentarily taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair.
"You could age a man fast, the stunts you pull.", saying as he stepped protectively towards her. Their eyes finally met and held each other. Jimmy swallowed the lump in his throat and asked, "What do we got to talk about?"

Alec Kenner was getting tired of waiting. Hickok should have been here an hour ago. He was having a hard time keeping an open seat at the table. The place was packed with cowhands just waiting to throw away their hard earned money, and the professional gamblers he was sitting with weren't happy with him for keeping their marks from joining the game. Twenty minutes later he was forced to submit and allow someone to take the place he had diligently been saving for Hickok all night. Sally wasn't endearing herself to him ether by asking questions he didn't want to answer. These gamblers got around and were know to sell information from time to time. He didn't want them to have anything to sell about him. So, he did the only thing he could do to shut the girl up, he kissed her sinceless.

"Don't you know?", Lou said. She stepped in close to the tall rider and put her hand on his arm. He felt it, from the top of his hat to the tips of his boots, and he also felt himself beginnin' to lose control again. He was mesmerized by the small curls that softly framed her face. So, soft and feminine. How could he have ever thought she was a boy? How could anyone say that she wasn't a lady? She's wearing the dress I bought her, he thought. Why? I know she has others. Does it mean somethin'? He couldn't stop himself, she was looking at him with doe eyes. He reached out and hauled her up against his chest, tilting her head back with his hand on her neck. He pressed his open mouth against hers and groaned in her mouth when he felt her tongue flick against his. His arms tensed. The blood that was rushing through his veins seemed to be pooling up in his face, it felt like his cheeks were on fire. Oh, God, Jimmy thought, and let go of Louise as if he'd been burned. He turned away from her quickly. His embarrassment was profound. Jimmy didn't want her to see the state he was in at the moment so he took a few steps away from her trying to calm his treacherous body down.

"Jimmy?" , she said in a questioning breathy little voice. "Please..., don't walk away from me. I'm so confused right now I... I... I need you...", Lou hated to sound so week, but was unable to disguise the desperation in her tone of voice. Jimmy was not immune. Her fragileness made his muscles flex, his back straighten up, and his eyes become just a little more dangerous. There was nothin' he wouldn't do for her. Nothin'. She only had to say his name in that way to make him her willin' slave. Her guileless eyes pleaded with him and he responded in the way men have been responding for a thousand years...
"Oh, sweetheart, shush, Jimmy said gently, I'm here for you and always will be." "Jimmy wrapped his arms around her as chastely as he could and just held her against his rapidly beating heart.

They stood like that for the longest time.

And neither felt the need to say a word. Or maybe it was just that they didn't have the words...

to describe what they were feeling.

Kenner was not a happy man. He'd paid a lot of money to ensure that Hickok would show up in this place. He looked at Melvin with extreme displeasure. He unceremoniously dumped the girl Sally off his lap. She was too drunk at this point to really care. Alec gave her ten dollars and told her to go upstairs and wait for him. The more than tipsy bar girl complied with an annoying high pitched laugh. He decided then and there if he was to give her a tumble, as she'd so vulgarly asked him to, it would be with a gag in her mouth.

He didn't have to push and shove to get to the bar like most of the patrons, for some reason, call it a natural since of self preservation, most people got out of his way. "Melvin, he said upon reaching the bar, I'd like a word with you. Now."

Jimmy told Lou a little latter, "I was supposed to meet some guys over at the Left Holster tonight to play some poker in the back room... It's too late now I guess... they've probably done found somebody else to sit in. Do you wanna go to the hotel and get a bite to eat?"
Lou smiled and said, "It'll be just like our last date, but without the abduction." Date? Did Lou think of that other time as a date? Jimmy didn't know how to ask her.
"I've got a room", Lou told him, "You can sleep on the floor..." That too brought back images of their time spent here before... They'd been forced to share a room last time, but this time Lou was inviting him to stay in the same room with her, even thou he could easily afford one himself. For a wild minute he wanted too but then his body let him know it probably wouldn't be a good idea.
"Come, on Lou.", he said, leading her down the street. "Let's get that food, I'm tired, and sitting down sounds good."
"Alright.", she replied taking his arm that was offered too her. Jimmy smiled at his cleverness at avoiding the subject of sleeping quarters.

They talked. Jimmy confessed, "I've been avoidin' you, I know, and I'm sorry."
Lou nodded. Then said, "I thought I'd just bite the bullet and come after you."
Jimmy looked at her, "Is it that painful to talk to me, now?"
Lou sighed looking down at her stake. "It's a hard time for me right now. Things are changin' again. Things are changin' all around us an we can't do nothin' about it... You, know?"
It was Jimmy's turn to look at his food and say, "I'm sorry, It's my fault. I know... We all know... you and the Kid belong together. I had no call to do what I did. I meant it, when I told you it won't happen again."

Lou contemplated the complex man that sat across from her then said, "Jimmy, quit trying to take responsibility for everythin' and everybody. You're the strongest man I've ever known, but even you can't shoulder the world. Ya, hear! It's not your fault; I kissed you back." Lou's face colored at the pronouncement. Jimmy felt warm again and was glad he was seated behind a table where he wouldn't embarrass himself or Lou. He was feeling pretty sure he wasn't ready for where this conversation seemed to be goin' so he said, "I guess it's just nature. We're both young... and I don't know a man that wouldn't... ... ... " After a long tense silence Jimmy tried again, "Are we still friends?"
"Jimmy, she said, you're my best friend."

There was another long pause after that pronouncement, then all of a sudden they were both trippin' over their tongues to talk. Jimmy spoke some of his feelin's that the road in front of him never seemed to end. They talked too of his fear of the past that seemed to be forever doggin' his heels. Lou told him, "We all got pasts Jimmy, and most of us ain't proud of them, cause if we were we'd talk about them more. I'd like to believe for my own sake that it don't matter. That we can make up for what we've done. You, know?" Jimmy nodded. "The ride here was a long one you know, but I have a feelin' the ride home is goin' to seem even longer." Lou looked at him her voice soft and full of double meanings as she said, "But you don't have to ride alone."

The Marshal of Willow Springs wasn't having a good morning. There had been two murders in town last night. A saloon girl named Sally, and Melvin the Left Holsters bartender. They'd been found upstairs together in a rather compromising position. It looked as if someone had shot them in the room while they'd been occupied on the bed. Shot by one of Sally's many admires no doubt, his deputy believed. The good folks of Willow Springs didn't really care if justice was done or not he knew. The Marshal, thought different. He was still naive enough to believe in justice for all people. This killin', something about it bothered him, he just couldn't put his finger on it. So, he started asking questions, all over town.

Jimmy's nerves were tore up even more than they'd been before his trip back to Willow Springs. He'd been right too about the ride home seemin' even longer than the ride away from his troubles. Every minute he spent alone with Louise was an incredible sensation of livin'. It was a feelin' he never wanted to end. They'd settled absolutly nothin' between them and yet he'd never felt so alive, and afraid, and hopeful. They didn't speek to each other on the way back, but Thunder and Lightin' rode in perfect harmony...

Side by side, and it seemed to Jimmy that he and Lou also moved as one. It was a feelin' that almost bordered on the spiritual, if they could only acknowledge it to each other.

He didn't want it to end.

So, of course it did.

James Buttler Hickok stilled his blood and hardened his heart as he rode into the Rock Creek waystation to the cheerful voice of the Kid callin' "Riders' comming!" He forced a smile to his face as the Kid took Thunder and Lightin's regins, with a smile, and said, "Jimmy, Lou, good ride?" Jimmy nodded. That at least was the truth.

TO PART 2

If you liked my story please drop me a line at pixedust@hotbot.com ,I'd love to hear what you thought of this story, and any suggestions or constructive criticisms you might like to share with me. Thanks for reading my story!!!

This author has a her own homepage at PixEDust's Realm.