He Was A Brother

by Debbie

I entered the stable to find the two men in a heated argument; the younger man, my best friend, has been shot in the shoulder and is trying to defend himself against the older man who sits astride a horse, pointing a gun, and threatening to kill the younger one.

"Don't do it!" I warn him then see the older man turn the gun on me and as the younger one screams 'no', I pull the trigger and watch as he falls from the horse.

As I come closer, he says something to the younger man that I can't make out then falls from his grasp, dead.

Tossing from side to side to try to clear the scene that kept replaying itself in his mind, Jimmy suddenly sat upright in bed. Beads of sweat ran down his face and, as he tried to catch his breath, he swung his legs over the side of the bunk and held his head with his hands. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had a nightmare and here he was on his third one that evening and it probably wasn't even midnight. Why did this nightmare keep coming back to plague him each time he fell asleep? He looked around the bunkhouse, which was illuminated by a full moon, and noticed the tossing and turning that was going on across the room. He realized then that he wasn't the only having bad dreams that night.

Not wanting to attempt sleep again, he quietly pulled his pants on then went to the wash basin on the nearby dresser and splashed cold water on his face. He didn't even bother to dry himself before he slipped out the door and sat on the porch, leaning against one of the posts.

Why couldn't he stop thinking about it? It wasn't like it was the first time he'd used a gun. He'd shot other men before, some to wound and some to kill, but he'd done it and moved on. Why was this different?

Jimmy stretched his legs out and stared up at the moon. Any other night, he would have admitted it was a beautiful sight but tonight, all he saw was a bright round ball.

I had no choice, Jimmy said to himself. If he hadn't fired when he did, he might have been shot or his friend killed and there was no way Jimmy could have let that happen. He'd been forced to shoot to save another person's life before but this wasn't like the other times. This man that he had killed wasn't a nobody with a name he didn't know or a face he'd never seen before or a person he hadn't talked to, he was more than that. And he was much more than that to his friend. He was a relative ... he was a brother. He was the Kid's brother.

I shot and killed the Kid's brother, Jimmy said to himself once more, staring out into the night.

"Jimmy."

Startled, Jimmy whirled around and saw Kid standing over him. It took him totally by surprise because he hadn't heard the door open or the sound of footsteps on the porch.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jimmy asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

Kid shook his head as he sat on the steps next to him.

"Yeah, me neither," Jimmy muttered, leaning against the post once again.

The two sat in silence until Kid softly said, "It wasn't your fault, Jimmy. The way I saw it, Jed left you no choice. You did what you thought you had to. He had a gun pointed at you, you figured he was gonna shoot you and you'd just heard him threaten to kill me - you had no way of knowin' he wouldn't have done it. "

Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment as the scene came back into his mind. He shook his head and said, "If only I hadn't seen him go into the stable with you goin' after him, or if I'd just gotten there a few minutes later ... Kid, he was your brother, your family." Jimmy turned toward him, not wanting to hide the sadness he felt.

Kid didn't take his eyes off the ground as he replied, "Yeah, he was." It hurt saying it in the past tense but he took a breath then continued, "And I tried to talk to him, brother to brother, tell him what he was doing was wrong, that his life wasn't worth trying to steal that gold shipment for the South. I pleaded with him to just forget about it, that we should concentrate on being together again after all these years and be thankful for that. He wouldn't listen to me. I was his brother and I was trying to help him. He got so desperate, he figured I'd let him go if he threatened to kill me. For the briefest moment, I actually wondered if he would do it. He told me my answer the second before he died."

Jimmy sat up straighter, feeling more guilt and looked at him. "Kid, I only wanted to stop him, just like you, I didn't set out to kill him. I keep thinking about everything I took away from you," he admitted.

Kid shook his head and explained, "No, Jimmy, he took it away long before yesterday, even long before he left me in Virginia. He was my big brother, he was supposed to look out for me and for a while he did but the only person he really wanted to look out for was himself. That's why he took off on his own. We never had the type of relationship brothers are supposed to have. I could see he needed me and I wanted to be there for him, like a brother should be, and he wouldn't let me. He took that opportunity away from me."

"Kid, I've never had a brother but not a day went by when I didn't wish that I had one," Jimmy said, trying to understand.

Kid looked at him and told him, "You do have a brother, Jimmy, right here, and you have three more in that bunkhouse. We may not be blood related but it's like Teaspoon's always saying, we chose to be a family. I thought I'd gotten something back when I'd found him, that maybe he'd changed but after a while, I realized, a person like that can't change." Kid stood up and added, "I wouldn't be able to get through this if it wasn't for the new brothers I have. They've never let me down yet and I hope if the time comes that I can do the same."

Jimmy locked eyes with Kid as his words sunk in. Kid didn't blame him but it still hurt.

"I'm gonna try to get some sleep," Kid said. "You comin'?"

"I'll be there in a minute," Jimmy answered then watched Kid go inside. He stood on the porch, looking out into the great expanse of darkness, wondering when he'd start to feel better about what he'd done, assuming it was probably around the same time Kid felt he could get over it. Talking to Kid made him better understand what led up to that moment and how it couldn't have been changed. But he was still bothered by one difference between killing Jed and killing the other men he'd had to face.

"He was a brother," Jimmy whispered into the night. "He was a brother."

THE END

Send feedback!