LIFE'S
HEADACHESLIFE'S
HEADACHES© Andy
The next five days passed slowly with no change from Buck. Rachel had made a schedule were each person would sit with Buck for four hours. Now their greatest concern was the fact that he hadn't eaten solid food in almost a week and they were fearful that he wasn't getting enough liquids. The best they could do was to feed Buck small amount of soup and water.
Since the "incident", Cody had been uncharacteristic helpful and quiet. Every spare moment he spent talking to Buck trying joke, conjoil and bribe him to wake up. On the morning of the sixth day Rachel walked in on Cody's one way conversation with Buck. He was saying, "Buck, what have I done to you. Please wakeup." He buried his face in his hand and silently started to cry.
Rachel knelt beside Cody placing her arms around him and said, "Cody, you know Buck would never hold you responsible for this."
"Don't you understand, that makes it all the more terrible. I should never be forgiven. My vanity and greed did this to him," Cody sobbed waiving his arm in Buck's direction.
While Cody and Rachel were sharing their grief, they failed to notice Buck move. From a distance, Buck heard a talking. At first he did not recognize the language but eventually he made out the English words. As his mind began to clear, he felt soreness in his left shoulder and a sharp pain at the base of his head. He opened his eyes and saw two whites. Terror griped him. Where was he? Why was he in a white man's lodge? Furtively, he looked around for something, anything he could use to protect himself from the white man. On the desk next to the couch were he lay was a letter opener. Buck slowly and painfully moved his arm to reach the opener. Then quietly, rose from the couch and began backing towards the door.
"Buck," Lou cried as she entered the house and started toward him. Both Cody and Rachel looked up in confusion.
"Who are you? What am I doing here?" Buck replied in Kiowa backing away from Lou while waiving the letter opener in the direction of the whites. "What am I doing here?" he repeated.
"Buck. Calm down," Rachel said in a soothing voice. "Put the opener down. And we'll talk."
"Talk? Whites don't want to talk they just want to kill," he hissed in Kiowa suddenly shocked that he could so readily understand the white man's language.
"Buck, what's going on? Don't you remember us?" Lou cried.
"Remember what?" Buck replied again in Kiowa.
"Please Buck, put down the opener. You're sick. You need rest. With rest you'll be ok," pleaded the woman. "Don't you remember us? We're your friends. We love you, we care about you."
"Love me? Friends?" Buck once again responded in disbelief. Whites hate Indians. He tried to remember how he came to be in this place. As soon as he tried to remember, he felt a searing pain in the temples. The pain was so great that he dropped the opener to grab the sides of his head crying out in pain. Racked with pain he dropped to his knees and then lost consciousness.
"Buck," Rachel cried running to Buck. She began to rock his inert body. "Cody help me get him back on the couch and Lou, you go get the doctor."
"He woke up and he didn't appear to remember us. He spoke only in Kiowa, and he acted as though we were going to hurt him. What is going on doctor?" pleaded Rachel as the doctor examined the young man.
"My best hypothesis is that he is suffering from amnesia. He appears to have lost his short and mid term memory," the doctor responded.
"Will his memory come back?" she asked.
"There's no way of knowing. Try to expose him to familiar surroundings and people. Talk about your lives before the accident. But most of, all give him some time, if not to remember than to get used to a new life."
Suddenly they heard a moan coming from the couch. Rachel rushed over and sat on the side of the couch gently stroking Buck's hair. She spoke softly to try and ease his waking. "Buck, its Rachel. Everything is going to be alright I promise."
Buck quickly pushed Rachel's hand away as if touch hurt. "Where am I? How did I get here?" he said in Kiowa. Fear showed in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand Kiowa. Can you remember how to speak English?" she said softly.
"I think so. Where am I? And, how did I get here?" Buck said slowly. He was amazed that he knew how to formulate the English sentences so clearly.
"You are a rider for the Pony Express." She saw the puzzled look on his face. The Pony Express delivers mail across the west. You and two of your friends were on a job in Cedar Springs when one of your friends got into some trouble and you all had to run for your lives. When you were almost half way back to the express station one of the men who were chasing you shot you in the shoulder. The impact caused you to fall from your horse. After your accident, Lou, one of your friends, went to get help. The other riders came to your aid and took care of the men chasing you. Then they brought you back home."
"I live here?" he questioned in disbelief, looking around the fancy living room.
"Yes and no. You live at the station, but you and the other riders stay in the bunkhouse." she replied.
"My brother, where is he?"
"Your brother lives with the Kiowa."
"Why don't I live with him? He takes care of me. Why am I not with him?"
"I don't know. You told us that you had to leave the Kiowa but never told us why. I got the impression that that was a very difficult part of your life; a part which you wanted to keep private. You may have discussed it with Ike but not with me," said Rachel in a low soothing voice, a voice that would hopefully take the fearful look from his eyes.
"Ike?" asked Buck.
"Ike was your best friend. He died three months ago protecting a young girl," Rachel explained.
"Buck," interrupted the doctor. "What is the last thing you remember?"
"I was about to leave with my brother and the other warriors on a hunting trip, my first. The next thing I knew I was here."
"How old are you?" questioned the doctor.
"I have seen 13 summers." replied Buck with suspicion. The doctor looked disappointed with his answer. "What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Everything is going to be ok. Rachel, make sure he gets plenty of rest. Get something in his stomach and keep trying to jog his memory. If his condition changes for the worse, come and get me."
"I will doctor," Rachel promised. "Goodbye, and thank you very much for all your help."
Buck started to ask another question but was interrupted by Rachel. " You must be starving. I have a stew cooking on the stove. I'll get you some, then, if you feel up to it, I'll answer any other question you may have." Rachel brushed his hair from his face and head toward the kitchen.
The women seemed very nice and genuinely appeared to care about him… but, he wanted, no needed to get back to the only home he could remember. What could have happened to make him leave his brother and the tribe? Granted, no one in the tribe trusted him but it was all he knew. He had to go back. Red Bear would explain everything as he had all of Buck's life. He tried to get up but the pain and dizziness and forced him to fall back onto the couch. He decided to rest for a few minutes and then try again. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in an instant.
When Rachel returned she found Buck asleep. She gently shook his good shoulder, waking him. "Just have a few bites and then you can go back to sleep."
"Who are you?" he questioned.
"My name is Rachel. I'm the housekeeper here at the Pony Express station. In addition, I look after you boys. Given all the trouble you and the others manage to get into it has become more than a full time job." She smiled.
"Rachel," he repeated as if trying to lodge the name in his memory. "When can I go home?"
"Honey, you are home," she said stroking his cheek. "This has been your home for over a year." Buck squirmed away from the intimacy.
"Year, you mean I've lost a whole year?" Buck said in horror. Seeing Rachel's uncomfortable look, Buck asked, "What aren't you telling me?"
"Finish up the stew and we can talk after you have rested," Rachel said while trying to look busy cleaning up the living room.
"Rachel, tell me what's going on," pleaded Buck.
"You never talked much about your past, but from what I understood, you left your tribe when you were about 13 and went to live at a mission school in Kansas. There you met Ike and became the best of friends. When you turned 16 both of you left the mission and stuck out on your own. You worked at various odd jobs until you were hired on with the Pony Express," replied Rachel.
"You mean I have forgotten over four years of my life?" he said with disbelief. "How could that have happened?"
"The doctor said that when you fell off your horse and hit your head you damage a certain part of your brain. The part which effects your short and mid term memory," seeing the panic in Buck's face she continued. "He says that your memory may come back at any time. You just have to take it easy for a while."
"You said my memory may come back. Does that mean that it may not come back?" he questioned.
"Let's not worry about that now. You get some rest and we'll discuss it later. Maybe meeting the others will jog your memory," Rachel comforted.
Buck turned and faced the back of the couch. Despair sinking into every muscle. He tried to remember the life Rachel had described but as soon as he tried to remember, the incredible searing pain he had experienced before came flooding back. Soon exhaustion overcame him and he fell into a fitful sleep.
During dinner that evening Rachel explained the situation to the others. "Buck is awake, but there is a problem. He has lost the last four years of his life. He cannot remember leaving the Kiowa. So that means he does not know any of us and he doesn't trust us. He has his heart set on going back to the Kiowa."
"He can't do that," exclaimed Kid.
"Of course he can't, he belongs here with us," said Lou.
"Yes, he does belong here. And for damn sure he can't go back to the Kiowa," Kid reiterated.
"Kid, what do you know about his past?" Teaspoon asked.
"Remember when Ike was taken by the Kiowa and Buck and I went to the Kiowa camp to rescue him?" Everyone but Rachel nodded. "While we were in the village Buck had to endure days of torture in order for us to get Ike back. I have no idea how Buck survived." Kid swallowed hard remembering the horror and continued, "Buck passed their test and after all the pain he endured, Buck's bother looked strait into his eyes and told Buck to never look back. My guess is that, as war chief, he could not afford to have a white brother - the others would always question his loyalty. Buck loved and admired his brother more than anything and the words nearly broke his heart. If he does go back, Red Bear and the other warriors may kill."
"That is impossible. Other than my mother, the only person who ever cared about me was Red Bear. He would never hurt me, I know that," Buck said from the doorway of the bunkhouse. He was wrapped in a blanket and breathing heavily. In order to remain standing, he had to lean against the doorframe for support.
"I was there. I saw what the Kiowa put you through. I heard Red Bear telling you not to return." Seeing the despair on Buck's face, Kid continued. "I'm so sorry, but there is no way you can go back."
Unable to remain standing, Buck slid down the doorframe to the floor. Cody and Kid rushed over to him and carried him to his bunk. Rachel and Lou hasted over to Buck to check on his condition.
"Don't worry Buck, everything's going to be alright. You've just got to give it some time," Rachel said.
"She right, and you're not alone. You've always got us." Soothed Lou.
Buck sighed heavily, wrapped the blanket even tighter around his body and closed his eyes hoping that sleep would end his misery at least for a while. Maybe, when he woke up, he would have his memory back or learn that this horrible day had only been a terrible nightmare and he would wake up in his brother's tee-pee.
When Buck woke the next morning he was disappointed to discover he was in the bunkhouse and still had no memory of the events of the past four years. Luckily he was alone. He sat up swung his legs over the side of his bunk. The quick movement caused him to see stars. He placed his face in his hands and after a minute his head cleared. Looking down he realized that he was only wearing long underwear. He looked around for his buckskin cloths but could not find any.
"Looking for these?" Rachel said holding out some clothes.
"These are mine?" he questioned. Since waking up yesterday every aspect of his new life was so strange. Apparently, he had been dressing as a white man.
"Yes. I will give you these on the condition that you do not go wandering around. I want you to stay around the station houses," commanded Rachel. When Buck began to complain, Rachel silenced him with a single look. "Look Buck, I'm doing you this for your own good. You have been through a great deal this last week and you are not yourself. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes," Buck said reluctantly taking the clothes looking at them with distaste. "These are the clothes of a white man."
"You have been dressing this way since I met you nine months ago," Rachel said.
"Nine months ago? I thought you said the station had been hear for over a year." Buck questioned.
Rachel started telling her story while she worked around the kitchen and Buck got dressed. "I was not the first housekeeper you all had. I came here looking for a place to hide and instead I found a family. You see, my husband had been murdered by the sheriff's sons because we would not sell our property to him. When my husband was shot, I just reacted. I picked up his shotgun and shot the sheriff's oldest son. The Sheriff put out a warrant for my arrest. Knowing that I couldn't have a fair trial in the town, I ran. I took the first stage out of town and in traveled until I came to Sweetwater. When I arrived, I saw a sign saying that a housekeeper was needed here. Luckily, I got the job."
"Eventually, the Sheriff tracked me down. He informed Teaspoon, who is also the marshal, that I was a murder. Teaspoon did not turn me in right away. Instead, he asked for my side of the story. I told him what happened, and you and the others helped me convince the sheriff's youngest son, Dennis, to tell the truth. Teaspoon saw to it that all charges were dropped against me. I have been very happy here ever since. I have friends who love and care for me."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
Rachel knelt in front of Buck and said, "Buck you have been happy here as well. I'm sure of that. You found a family."
"I don't have to find a family, I have one," he responded stubbornly.
"Please, all I ask is that you give us a chance just like Teaspoon gave me a chance," Rachel said.
Reluctantly, Buck nodded his head. "I'll give it some time. That is all I can promise."
"That's all I can ask," she said with a smile. "Come on. I need to fatten you up. You haven't had anything solid to eat in a week."
He sat at the table and picked at the meal.
"If you don't want steak and eggs I can cook something else," suggested Rachel.
"No…, thank you. This is fine. It's just…." His voice began to trail off.
"What is it?" She said softly sitting next to him on the bench.
"The guy with the short brown hair, um, the one you called…"
"Kid?" finished Rachel.
"Yes, that's it, Kid. He said that Red Bear was the war chief. Red Bear's father was the war chief and it was his dream to be one too. It just never occurred to me that my existence would have hurt his chances. I can't believe I was so stupid… so naive, that I didn't see it before. After my mother's death, he told me that he would always be there for me, I believed him," he said sadly.
"I don't know what to tell you. But I know you are wanted right were you are," Rachel said.
"Thanks. I think I'll take a walk around and try to clear my head…," he smiled sadly at the irony of his last statement.
"Please keep the station in sight. You are not familiar with the area and I don't want you to get lost." Rachel said, clearing away the barely touched meal.
He nodded and left the bunkhouse. He wandered around learning the station and the surrounding grounds. To the north lay the town and he was careful to keep clear of that area. The thought of all those whites chilled him to the bone. He ended up at the corral where a number of horses were grazing and playing. He perched himself on the top rail hooking his feet under the second rail to maintain his balance.
"Whenever you wanted to think, you always sat in that same exact spot and watched the horses. Maybe your memory's gone but you mannerisms haven't changed," Lou said with a smile. "Can I join you?"
He nodded at the younger boy who appeared to be about 14 years old. "In case you don't remember, my name is Lou." Buck nodded again and then concentrated on the horses. They sat like that for the next few minutes. When one of the horses came over to Buck and tried to nuzzle his stomach.
"That's your horse," Lou said. "You named him Eagle's Heart thought you say the name in Kiowa. He's looking for sugar. You typically keep a piece in your vest pocket."
He checked the pocket and to his surprise he found a piece of sugar. He fed Eagle's Heart the sugar, and petted the nose of the animal, speaking to him in Kiowa.
"You may not remember him, but he sure remembers you," Lou said with a laugh. Once again Buck only responded with a nod. They sat like that in comfortable silence until Rachel rang the dinner bell.
"Come on, that bell means dinner is ready and if we don't get in there soon there will be nothing left for us. Cody eats more in one sitting than the rest of us do in a week. Just remember to keep your hands away from his mouth or he is likely to mistake it for a chicken leg," she joked as they entered the bunkhouse. "Come and sit here."
He sat down and listened to the boisterous conversation going on around him. Lou had joined in on the waylay grabbing two pieces of corn bread as a platter went by. She put one of the pieces on Buck's plate. "If you're going to survive in this crowd you have to move fast," she said as she grabbed a bowl of mashed potatoes from Jimmy serving both herself and Buck.
Buck watched in amazement at the commotion. There was enough food on the table to feed Kiowa family for a month and these people acted as if there was not enough to go around.
"So Buck, were you able to remember anything else?" a blond rider said with a mouth full of potatoes.
He shook his head no.
"It'll come back, son, just give it some time," said Teaspoon.
"Don't you remember anything?" pressed Cody.
Buck desperately searched his memory for any recollections of these people sitting with him at the table but got nothing.
"Ya, like how obnoxious Cody is," said Noah
"Or how he always manages to get into trouble," continued Jimmy.
"Ahhhh," cried Buck grabbing his temples rocking backward with pain.
"Buck, what's the matter?" Lou said with concern.
"Pain," he gasped. "Whenever I try to remember." He stumbled over to his bunk curling into a ball.
"Oh Buck," Lou soothed bathing his brow with a wet towel Rachel had brought over.
"Lou, you look after Buck, the rest of you finish up you dinner. Don't worry he'll be alright," Rachel said.
Reluctantly the boys all went back to their places at the table. The remainder of the meal was subdued. As the pain in head subsided, Buck drifted off to sleep.
Lou returned to the table saying, "He's asleep."
"Boys you can't press Buck to remember. We can't push, him we have to let him heal on his own schedule," Teaspoon said.
"I'm sorry, Teaspoon. It's all my fault. First, I got him into this mess and then I try to get him remember before he's ready," apologized Cody. "It's just that I want him to get better now."
"I know, but we have to think about Buck and not what we want," Teaspoon responded.
"Teaspoon, what if he never remembers. The doctor said that is a possibility," said Noah thoughtfully.
"Then we deal with it. We do whatever it takes to have Buck trust us and convince him that we are his family now and will be there for him. We have to remember that he is dealing not only with the trauma of loosing his memory but he is also dealing with the loss of his brother. The fact that his brother chose being a war chief over him must be tearing him apart," Teaspoon explained.
