Following my Heart

Miss Raye © 2001

...they say that you need to follow your heart, be true to yourself-

no one ever said it would hurt so much...

or be so hard.

vvvvv

Prologue

The day she left, she slowly rode along the edge of the property... memorizing every last color and scent of what she was leaving behind. "It's so beautiful in the mornings you know?" She nodded to the hills crowned in golden light. "It's like magic in the mornings. The birds wake and the sun warms the ground. You can feel the energy around you, you can feel the power of the horses as they move through the fields. That's the feeling that will stay with me." She grew quiet again as she watched a new foal settle beside his mother.

"Are you sure, Lou? This is your dream, can you really leave it behind?"

"My dreams have too high a price Buck," she reached down and touched his hand as it lay on Lightning's neck, "Kid wasn't willing to pay it, and I can't do anything until I know if he's alive." She looked away from Buck's eyes, afraid that he would see how unsure she was. "Can't say I would've wanted him to stick around - he'd always be somewhere else in his heart." With a smile she turned away and toward the road - and then, she was gone.

Buck looked after her, watching as the dust Lightning kicked up settled slowly to the ground. The air felt different, the horses had grown silent and Buck couldn't help but feel that a part of the magic had left with her.

vvvvv

Lou came to the edge of town. She stilled her mount near the church at the end of the road. She spared a moment to take it all in, Seneca had changed.

"Let's go girl," she urged her mount forward and passed by new shops and businesses. For a moment she thought back to the trip with Jimmy, the day she bought her wedding dress... tears she didn't think she had left in her came spilling out onto her cheeks - things had been happier then.

Now the town 'felt' different. Everywere you looked people rushed around ....in and out of doors like mice under the watchful gaze of a cat. Not a one stopped to talk to each other - hardly a person met the gaze of another. Lou tried to call out a greeting to some as she passed by. Few if any returned the greeting, most just looked up and and continued on their way.

Lou passed by a hotel in the middle of town. She had spent time there after an Express run once, the room had been clean and nice. After bein' on the road a few days sleepin' out in the open, she could use a real bed to sleep in. She still was not used to being in the saddle all day. It seemed like a lifetime ago when she had been so at ease on the back of a horse.

' 'sides, it would be nice to have somepeople to talk to,' She tied Lightning up outside the hotel and went in.

Her room on the second floor was small but beautiful, they had added a lot of things since the last time she'd been there. She freshened up, leaving her few possessions packed up in her bags. She looked forward to a dinner that wasn't made over a campfire.

The dining room downstairs was a high contrast to itself just an hour ago. Gone were the young couples and such. Instead it was filled the brim with Army officers in dresswear. She admitted to the host as he searched for a table, that if another officer came in she'd be fairly blinded by all the brass. He hid his own laughter behind the paper menus he carried, and seated her by the wall in the back. The table was small but Lou didn't plan on company. The waiter told her in a quiet voice, "If you'd rather not be bothered by the officers, I can send food up to you in your room."

Lou looked around the room... all of the men were in conversations with the others... no drunks.. no saloon girls.. this was heaven. "No thank you, I'll be fine." She took her napkin off the table and placed it in her lap. She asked for a pot of hotwater and a teacup.

She opened her purse and took out a teabag, a special blend of herbs that Buck had given her. She tired easily and this tea did wonders for her health.

More soldiers entered the room and Lou watched them as she drank her tea. Stories had reached Rock Creek of the raids against the army in these parts. She knew that most of these men had probably come in recently. The army needed to protect their men and the people of the town. Somehow she felt safer here in the hotel with them. A sea of dark blue coats.

vvvvv

He watched her from across the room. Sweet thing, and yet, he bet if he asked she'd have a colt revolver tucked under her pillow at night. Yes sir, she had an edge about her. Probably had a man or two pining away for her too. She giggled at a joke told at the next table.. her eyes gleaming... a fine sense of humor too, she apparently wasn't bothered by the bawdy suggestion in the ending.

He nodded to his aide and started to walk across the room towards her table.

From halfway across the room she noticed him coming towards her. She straightened in her chair and set her teacup down on it's saucer. The delicate cup made a sweet chime as it touched it's mate.

He was a tall gentleman. A full beard and moustache, neatly trimmed, covered his face. He walked up to her table and paused for a moment. She noticed the slight paunch at his waist, but his posture was impeccable. She looked up and met his eyes, "Hello."

His face relaxed in a smile, "You beat me to it Miss. Here I am trying to make a favorable impression, and I fail at the very introduction."

"Don't be upset sir, I'm just not one for fancy pretenses. Would you like to sit down with me?"

A hearty laugh made his middle shake. Most of the men stopped to listen to the laughter, "My dear, if you don't beat all! Why yes, I'd love to sit down with you! A fascinating woman like you will no doubt make a wonderful dinner companion."

He took the seat opposite from her. He unbuttoned his coat and smoothed his napkin in his lap.

vvvvv

He'd only just sat down with the woman, but he saw reflected in her eyes a kind of kindred spirit. He knew that he'd have to work hard to shock her. So he started with the obvious:

"You might be wondering why an old man like me would bother a young lady like yourself, the truth is, miss, you remind me of my daughter...

It's been 6 months since I've seen her or her mother...and you have the same soft brown eyes as my Abigail."

Lou leaned over the table and patted his hand, "I'm sure you'll see them soon."

"I'd like to think so my dear." His melancholy threatened to dampen his mood. As he wrestled with his feelings she took a moment to measure up her companion. She had never found it easy to talk with men, especially older men. Major Orem on the other hand was a sweet man. He reminded her of Teaspoon.

A soldier stopped by to confer with the Major. He was much younger, almost her age. Under his hat she could see a stern round face, with thick black hair and brows. He looked over at her several times during his conversation with the Major. He turned back to the Major with a hopeful look touching his features.

Major Orem looked around the young soldier, "Miss, I don't suppose you'd consent to my dear friend and aide, Mr. Randall to come and join us?"

Louise smiled brightly, "We can always use another friend at the table. Please sit down."

One by one, officer after officer politely asked to join their table. Louise found it was impossible to turn them away, and it wasn't more than a few moments before the whole table was filled with Army soldiers of various commissioned ranks.

Soon she was drawn into their conversation. They all had stories of home to share. It seemed that most of the men seated near the table were all serving their first post, and for a good many of the younger men... this was their first time away from home.

Watching their expressions, Lou had the distinct feeling that although they'd never mention it to the Major or any other officer, they were all feeling lonely and very much afraid.

She took time to talk with each man, enjoying the laughter she created as they fell over themselves to please her. Several of the men would chide her in intervals... pressing her to eat more... build her strength. It was sweet.. and Lou couldn't help but miss the days when she used to fight the other boys at the dinner table. Where was Cody these days?

Major Orem was staring at her - a deep pondering look on his face "What did you say your name was again?"

"Louise.

"Did you say Louise?" he dragged the name out like it was a mouthful.

She looked around at the men's expectant faces, "Why yes Major... why do you ask?"

The Major chuckled like a little boy - he leaned over to a young Lt seated next to him - the young man was up on his feet in a minute... and disappeared into the crowd -

The major glanced at Louise.. watching her intently... she shifted in her seat and took a nervous drink of her tea.

"No need to be nervous my dear. I've just asked young Randall to invite a friend to join us."

A waiter came to the table - the plate held high aloft as he was afraid it would tip as he passed through the crowd. The major handed the man a tip as he set the plate down.

Lou was absentmindedly looking around when something Major Orem said caught her attention-

"Sir? I'm sorry - what did you just say?"

He had a devilish twinkle in his eye, "I said, dear girl, I just don't understand how a man can live on cheese sandwiches."

Lou began to choke on her drink.

Major Orem slapped the table - causing the glasses on it to dance and chime against each other...

"There you are! I was beginning to think Randall didn't 'hop to' like I asked him."

"Major Orem Sir-" that voice!

"My dear lady, I believe you know our young scout here."

Lou turned in her seat...unable to trust her legs to hold her. The man standing behind her chair was unmistakably James Butler Hickok.

vvvvv

"Jimmy?"

He nodded and smiled. "Lou-"

"Lou?!" their reverie was broken by Major Orem's booming laughter, "That's a boy's name Hickok! Don't tell me you can't see the difference!"

Lou stood and placed her hand on his arm. It had been almost a year since she had seen him and she was unsure how he would react to the unexpected reunion. She took a moment to look at him. Gone was the youthful fullness of his face - replaced by a leaner more mature mien.

His eyes were the same, deeply brown and searching... always looking straight into her heart. She was afraid he'd see everything and she turned her eyes away to hide.

"Lou?" she could hear the concern in his voice as she stared at him.

She leaned toward him and wrapped her arms around his middle,"Thank God you're here!"

He gathered her into his arms... wondering at how it felt to have her back in his arms. One hand stroked her hair softly as he held her against him.

"Ahem," chided Orem, "hate to break this up Hickok..but I didn't invite you here to monopolize this sweet young thing." He gave an outrageous wink before calling for another chair to be brought to the throng that had gathered around the tiny table.

The conversation soon centered around how the two had met. Jimmy and Lou took turns sharing Pony Express stories with the gathered crowd. They were careful to explain that Louise's brother was a rider. The awestruck soldiers missed the inconsistancies in their stories... but Major Orem heard every word. Especially when one of the them slipped and said, "You remember when WE-." This is the most he'd been able to get from Hickok since he'd been assigned to this post. He'd heard stories about the young man that couldn't have been true, and had always believed that there were more impressive stories locked up in his mind. Apparently Miss Louise had a few amazing secrets of her own.

Less than an hour later, Major Orem noticed the glances the two old friends shared when they thought no one was payin' attention. Louise's strength was also fading fast. Dark smudges appeared under her eyes as if someone had poured ink onto her skin.

He caught the eye of his young protege, and Hickok turned to her and studied her face. He lifted her chin with his hand and she quickly turned away from his discerning gaze. "If you'll all excuse us.. Miss - ah.." Even after all this time he still didn't know what her married name was, "Louise should really turn in."

He stood and offered her his hand. She stood carefully as the young officer on the other side moved her chair away. Every officer in the restaurant took that moment to stand. Louise blushed... that would never have happened at the bunkhouse.

Several begged for her to stay for just another hour. The major chuckled, he'd never seen a group of army men go soft over a woman so quickly. It was understandable, once you've met Louise... you'd never forget her. In the last few hours, she'd become a daughter, a sister, friend and sweetheart to all that had gathered.

Another round of pleading ensued and Louise had to beg them to stop. "I'm sorry... I've been riding straight through the last two days and I really would love to get some rest." She stepped closer to the major..."But I would like to take a short walk to stretch my legs first...Jimmy?" She looked up at him, "would you care to join me?"

The major silence another round of complaints and offers to take Hickok's place. "Now boys - let the two old friends have some time to catch up with each other."

Louise gave him an appreciative smile.

"By God, you've got me blushin' like a school boy - Hickok, take her outside before I forget I'm married!"

She felt relief flood through her as Jimmy took hold of her elbow and led her away from the table. It wasn't until they heard the front door of the hotel close behind them that Jimmy allowed himself to relax. "I keep thinkin' the younger boys will follow us out here..."

A giggle tickled her throat, "I think the major has the doors blockaded by now."

"You're probably right... you sound like you know him pretty well-"

"He's like - well... he's like Teaspoon, don't you think?"

Jimmy nodded and the two continued down the street together. He paused in front of a feed supply store. "You wanna sit for a minute Lou?"

She stared at the barrels and the open street. There wasn't anyone else out at the moment. They were very much alone. She had that edgy look about her, like she was measurin' up the situation. He had the distinct feelin' like she was gonna bolt, but after a moment's pause she sat down on a barrel and leaned back against the store window.

Jimmy sat down on some burlap feed bags and took his first real chance to look at her. She'd lost weight... that was the most obvious thing. She'd always been slim... but there was something else wrong - a sadness he couldn't name.

She closed her eyes and inhaled the sent of the freshly bound hay nearby. It calmed her nerves a bit.. reminded her of home... the ranch... Ki- she silently cursed as she felt her knuckles turn white as she gripped the edge of the barrel.

Sneakin' a look at him she knew that he was just bidin' his time 'til she was ready to talk - how she'd missed him these last few months. Gathering her courage she looked up. She'd never told anyone else what happened ... Buck, Rachel and Teaspoon knew.... 'cause they lived it. He didn't rush her... just watched her with those eyes... "Jimmy?" He nodded, "I'm followin' the KID."

vvvvv

He kept silent... knowin' she'd tell him everything when she was ready. "He's in the south by now. I don't know where exactly... but I'll find him."

Jimmy shook his head in disbelief... throwing up his hands he leaned closer, "Slow down Lou... slow down.... I don't know what Kid's done this time to get you riled up... but I'm sure you'll work it -"

"He left me." Jimmy was shocked into silence by her soft response. She sat up away from the glass and stared at her hands. "I never thought he'd really do it...thought he'd given up that ghost, but then I woke up one morning to one of his famous letters."

"When?"

"A few months ago."

He shook his head... takin' a minute to control his mouth and his temper. "What have you been doin' since then?"

Lou furiously wiped at her eyes, she'd shed enough tears. "Tryin' to make a go of the horse farm we started together."

Jimmy kicked the barrel next to him, "Dammit Lou! He expected you to do it all by yourself?"

"No....no," she smiled, "Buck arrived the next week... Kid sent him word several weeks before - before he left." She heaved a weary sigh into the air, "He'd known... he came to help and I stared at him like an idiot. Kid told him what he was doin'... not me. It took everything I had, but I held it together... never ever cryin' in front of Buck, Teaspoon... even Rachel. There was too much to be done.. and I never found the time to be weak."

"It ain't weak Lou... You had a lot dumped on you, with no warnin'. Noone would've said anything against you... least of all our family." He saw how her eyes darkened at the word, "How long did Buck stay on?"

"He's still there... he wouldn't take the farm outright... I've already signed half of it over to him. He says he'll take care of it for now... 'til I come back. He doesn' t realize I'm not plannin' to go back... not to stay. He earned it, even tried to keep me from doin' anything of the heavy work."

Jimmy saw the old glimmer in her eyes, "He should have known better."

A smug smile was his reward, "You know me Jimmy, I'm not gonna back down... never did - never will." Lou looked up as nearby footfalls grabbed her attention.

The Marshal in town passed by them on his nightly rounds. As he passed by he nodded at Jimmy and tipped his hat to Lou, "Evenin' ma'am."

"Evenin' Marshal."

"Looks like it's gonna be a cold one tonight."

The two men waited for her answer. They were left hanging as she ignored them both.

Louise let herself withdraw again... tucking herself away into her thoughts. A brisk wind gusted through town pickin' up leaves and dust, only to blow right on through. Jimmy shivered and turned to Louise. She hadn't moved a muscle... unaware of the world around her.

A couple, movin' throught the shadows on the other side of the street laughed at some private joke... drawing her gaze. The two huddled under a large blanket as they walked. Another cold wind blasted the town and the man adjusted the blanket around the woman and their unborn child.

A sharp intake of breath scared Jimmy. "You cold Lou?"

"No..." her lips and skin had turned nearly blue in the evening light, "I'm fine.. just a little tired."

Jimmy already had his coat off. "Here," he draped the woolen coat over her shoulders. "You'll catch your death out here in that little dress."

Lou tried to take the coat off... hand it back to him.

"Don't try it Lou... what would Teaspoon say if he walked by and I hadn't given you my coat?"

"I imagine about the same thing the Major would say."

"Yep, they'd both have my head... and I really ain't willin' to roll those dice Lou.. just humor me."

She nodded, resigned to his charity.

He looked her over in the cold moon light, still startled by all the changes. "Lou, I know you don't always want to talk about what's botherin' you, but I know there's somethin' you ain' tellin' me. It's written across your face... eatin' you up inside. I can't help you if I don't know what it is, but I'm gonna wait until you want me to know."

Road weary as she was, she was finally feeling the effects of the last few days. The air around her was near freezin' and she pulled the coat tighter around her shoulders. She looked over and noticed that Jimmy was also sufferin' from the cold. Lou moved to sit next to him...leaning against him to share her meager warmth.

Minutes later the silence surrounded them and her hand closed over his, "I'll tell you Jimmy... I will, but I this is something i think Kid should hear first. Can you wait?"

His curiosity was more that peaked, but he held his questions in check, "I'll wait.. and we'll find him Lou...we'll find him."

vvvvv

The next morning Lou found a note under her door. She dressed quickly and set off down the stairs to the dining room.

Jimmy and the Major were already deep in conversation when she arrived. Jimmy saw her first and set his napkin down on the table. He stood and pulled out a chair.

Lou smiled at him and the major, "I don't know what it is that you've done to him Major... but when I knew him... he'd never have pulled out my chair!"

The major sat back down in his chair, "Well dear, that may have to do with the fact that when you knew Mr. Hickok. You were a different person... LOU?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't worry dear, Mr. Hickok did what he could to deny the obvious. Last night in your stories of the Pony Express... on more than one occasion one or both of you slipped.. and talked about 'WE'. Don't try to tell me it was your brother or some other droll answer... you're too sharp to think I'd be fooled with some half baked explanation."

Lou barely noticed as the waiter set down a plate before her. "Is that why you called me here?"

Major Orem chuckled, his shoulders shakin' "Right to the point. Was she always like this Hickok?"

Jimmy nodded as he set down his coffee. Lou watched him with interest. In the few short months he'd been with the army, they had done much to his 'rough edges' ... but there was still that raw energy that was unmistakably Jimmy.

"I've taken the liberty of grilling my scout here... it seems you're lookin' for information on someone fighting for the south."

She nodded.. trying not to meet his gaze. "It's a long story... I'd rather not-"

"I'm not askin' for anything more than you're willin' to share."

"I'm goin' after my husband. He's gone to fight the war for the south."

"You plan to follow him?"

"I know how to track sir-"

"I don't doubt it.. but that's not my concern."

"Sir?"

"You do realize that there is no one goin' in or out of the south without orders or a bullet in their back. There is no way for you to get through."

"I need to -"

"May I make a suggestion?" She looked across the table and nodded, "Come to work for me."

"For you.. the army? With my husband fightin' for the South? NO! I couldn't pick up a gun, thinkin' he might be on the other end."

"A gun... heaven's no.. I wouldn't think of askin' you to do that. I need something quite different... I haven't seen those boys so happy since they first arrived. The last few weeks, they've lost heart. These constant attacks only serve as warnings... warnings that they have taken as gospel."

"I can see how it would be hard.. so far from home and family."

"I knew you'd see it too. Last night was the first time I've seen half of those boys smile.. or enjoy themselves. It did their hearts almost as much good as it did mine. I wanted to thank you," he reached across the table and took her hand in his. "Will you join us? I promise you we'll give you every piece of information we can find about your husband."

Jimmy had made his own decision, "We'll find him Lou.. I promise you."

Louise looked from one man to another, "I thank you for the offer... but I think I can find him..." She looked away from them both. "It's my problem."

The major wouldn't let her hand go, "My dear... they say that no man is an island and I fear it is the same for those of the 'stronger' sex," he winked even though she did not see it, "please at least promise you'll think about it."

She nodded and he let her hand rest on the table again.

He pushed back his chair, "Now... if you'll excuse us, Mr. Hickok and I have a hunting expedition to join. Mr. Hickok?" He turned and walked out the double doors to the waiting regiment.

Jimmy looked at her again, "Lou? You gonna think about the offer?"

She nodded her head.

"I'll be back later... we'll talk again, if you're ready."

He walked to the door and had opened it a foot when she spoke, "Huntin' Jimmy? Just the major's nice way of sayin' you're goin' after the raiders?"

"Yeah..."

"Take care of yourself.... come back in one piece okay?"

Out of her sight he smiled and joined the others outside.

She heard their horses thunder out of town and she sank into her chair. She could feel her stomach turning and pressed her hand against her lips trying to keep her breakfast down. "Come back in one piece.. I can't lose you too."

vvvvv

The soldiers carried him in on a stretcher, a large gaping wound in his leg. Blood, dark as wine velvet slid out of the wound with incredible speed. They called out for someone to get Louise.

The hotel clerk rushed upstairs and pounded on her door, "Miss Louise, Miss Louise... the Major needs you downstairs! He's hurt ma'am!"

Louise threw open the door, she wore a robe over her underpinnings but the belt was loose and the front gaped. "What happened?"

"Shot ma'am! His leg looks bad!"

She followed him down the hall, "Why did you come for me?" She asked as she frantically retied her robe closed.

"The soldiers are asking for you."

It took but a moment to make her decision. Her hair lay around her shoulders and she realized there was no time to go back. "Walter.. go back to my room, and get me something to tie my hair back with."

He turned on his heel and ran back to the room at the end of the hall.

Louise ran down the stairs to the dining room, her barefeet rubbing against the carpet. She nearly ran into one of the soldiers. "Where?" was all she asked, he wordlessly pointed to a corner of the dining room where several long tables were pushed together.

She raced over to the Major's side, "Oh sir, what have you done to yourself?"

"Myself?" he laughed, "My dear girl...it was someone else who did the shooting."

She smiled at his bluster, "Well, at least we know they didn't hit your funny bone."

The major lay back and let Lou examine the wound. Someone gave her a knife and she cut back the fabric of his pants. The Major exhaled as the air came in contact with the wound. "Oh Lord Miss Louise, I think Mr. Hickok will be green with envy."

The bartender handed the Major a bottle of whiskey which he dutifully swallowed in large gulps. "Now if you don't lay still we'll have a worse mess on our hands."

Walter rushed in with the tie for her hair. Since her hands were covered in blood from working on the Major, Walter was forced to play handmaid and tie her hair back by himself.

Basins full of water were brought out and Lou cleaned the wound thoroughly and took out the bullet and shrapnel. The wound was large and gaping, so there wasn't enough skin to adequately cover the wound for sewing. Louise pulled what skin there was together and stitched it as quickly as she could. A second bottle was handed to the major and Louise pulled one of the soldiers over to the side and gave him an order that caused him to balk. A firm word from her and he complied.. emptying his gun powder into a bowl beside the table.

Others had gathered and now watched with morbid fascination. Louise walked around into the Major's line of site. "Sir?"

"I've heard of this treatment Louise... but I never thought I'd have it done."

"If you don't want it...."

"I am perfectly willing to put myself in your beautiful hands. Please do it." Wasting no time she prepared a mixture and spread it over the open wound. She offered the major a leather strap to bite down on. He shook his head, "No thank you... I can handle it my way." A few of the men raised their eyebrows at her methods, but as the Major had no quarrel they left her be.

"Does this mean you've accepted the position?"

She tried not to laugh at his expression, "If it will get you to lie still... yes, I'll work with you." He lay back smiling, quite content to endure what was to come.

She asked for a match and one scared young boy handed it to her with a quaking hand. She lit it against the table and touched it to a edge of the wound. Instantly the air was filled with smoke and flame as the combination cauterized the wound.

vvvvv

They moved the Major upstairs to his room at the first window of opportunity. It was there she finished tending him. When she finished dressing the wound the Major was already sleeping quietly. The wound showed no signs of infection and Lou sat exhausted in a chair next to his make-shift bed.

The major's aide sat beside her for an hour after the emergency. He filled her in on the battle, they had been conducting routine exercises. A supply shipment came over the ridge, followed by raiders. The major had lead the charge to defend it.

"And Jimmy... Mr. Hickok?"

The man shook his head, he knew that Hickok had been in the battle, but with all the confusion he had not seen him since. He excused himself to check on the other wounded, leaving her alone with the major and her own worries.

vvvvv

Another aide came by later to relieve her. She had just changed the dressings on the wound and it had remained infection free. She left instructions that if anything happened, she was to be the first to know.

She walked back downstairs, she knew she was a mess, but she thought to check on the other injured soldiers and to see if Jimmy had come in.

vvvvv

The door was heavy or his arms were weak... either way it was very difficult to get inside the hotel. He was bone weary from all the fighting he had seen that day but one thought had stayed with him through the worst of it, Louise.

He knew she'd be waiting. He'd sent the major to her knowing that she'd care for him... they'd seen enough bullet wounds in their day and had learned some tricks along the way. By now she'd probably be looking for him, worried and angry that he'd been in danger.

She stood in the middle of the lobby, her robe splattered in blood now dry from age. Her face, tired but still beautiful. Her hair had escaped it's binding and was nearly loose over her shoulders. She stood over a young soldier and by her face the young man was bad off. The next moment played out a scene Jimmy had seen too many times in the army. She lay a sheet over his face and Jimmy's heart sank with her's, another good man was dead because of this awful war.

He moved as she lay her head in her hands and wept, her shoulders quivering as she sobbed. He moved up quickly behind her and touched her shoulder ever so gently. "Lou-" was all he whispered and she was in his arms. Clutching him to her, her face buried in his shoulder, she wept.

Another soldier whispered in his ear, "She's been amazing today...but she really should rest. Why don't you take her to her room."

Walter ran up holding the spare key out to him. Jimmy shook his head as he swept Lou up in his arms, cradling her against his chest. Walter dutifully ran up the stairs ahead of him, opening the door quietly. Jimmy moved through the doorway and Walter closed the door after them.

vvvvv

He set her down on her feet and peeled her robe off. She didn't protest, Jimmy had seen her in less. He pulled back the covers and laid her down like a little child. She pulled up her knees and hugged them, "Jimmy?"

"Yeah Lou," he covered her with the thick blanket.

"How do you stand it Jimmy? I've never seen so much pain...and death."

"We'll talk about it later Lou, now get some rest."

She nodded and adjusted her body until she was comfortable. The cool sheets drawing out all the tension from the day.

vvvvv

Sometime during the night, Jimmy, still sitting in the chair beside her bed, awoke to tears.

Lou thrashed on the bed, her arms wrapped around her middle, "Oh God, please no! Please... just bring him back....bring him back!" He moved to her bedside and tried to wake her. She kept her eyes closed tight as her arms reached out in desperation. He knew from their talk that she missed Kid, but there was something soul rending about the sound of her voice pleading, begging for help that broke his heart.

In a moment he made a decision. He shrugged out of his jacket and boots. Laying them on the floor, he climbed onto the bed and took her in his arms. Hearing his voice crooning to her, she began to calm down and cling to him. Jimmy felt guilty sharing her bed, but he told himself that she needed company and he was laying on top of the covers. He knew as he thought up the excuse that it was a weak one, but right now he'd do anything to be near her and help her through this.

He had seen so much in the last few months and it was only going to get worse. If he only had this one night to touch her and hold her close, then he'd take the chance.

vvvvv

As light broke thru the smoke from the livery that had burned to the ground the night before, a knock came on the door to Lou's room. Jimmy awoke first and slipped out of her arms. He opened the door and straightened when he recognized Major Orem's aide, Capt. Tom Flemming.

"Captain." Jimmy stood at attention until the Captain waved his hand.

"No need to be so formal this morning Hickok. I've come to ask you if you'd consider taking the lead in the hunt this morning." Jimmy looked back at Lou fast asleep in the bed. Captain Flemming also noticed her, "Is that your friend... the one who took care of the Major?"

Jimmy pushed his hand through his hair and nodded. He moved his body to block the doorway and the Captain's view of Lou. "About the hunt, when do we start?"

The captain looked down at Jimmy's feet, "Well son, as soon as you get some shoes on."

Jimmy nodded and shut the door. He picked up a towl from the basin and began washing his face. The cool water helped to wake him and he started to pull on his jacket. The chair beside the bed groaned as Jimmy sat down pulled on his boots. "Damn dainty furniture... might as well be made of toothpicks."

He picked up his jacket from the back of the chair and leaned over Lou. She slept like an angel, he felt better knowin' she got some rest. The blanket was balled up in her hand and her lips were slightly parted touching the pillow. He took one last guilty pleasure and let his hand slip through her hair, brushing it away from her neck.

He hated to leave her without telling her where he'd be and scrawled a note on a piece of paper, sayin' he'd meet her for dinner as soon as he got back. He left the note on the pillow next to her and touched her cheek softly. In the morning light she smiled.

vvvvv

The small band of Army scouts and cavalry rode out less than an hour later. All had been involved in the fighting the night before and sagged in their saddles. The Raiders' attacks had become more frequent and deadly... the only way to stop it was to eliminate the threat. Jimmy felt the familiar weight of his Navy Colts strapped to his sides and confidently moved to the front of the group. They thundered out of town on his order, following him into the heart of hell.

vvvvv

"He's comin' around."

Darkness covered him... his eyes felt like they were swollen shut. No matter how he tried he couldn't lift his eyelids. He tried to reach up with his hand and touch his face, but he could only move it a few inches before he was stopped.

"Calm down boy... you'll pull your arm out of your socket if you keep yankin' on it like that."

Jimmy didn't recognize the voice and continued to struggle, "I can't see!"

"Well, that would be 'cause my boys didn't like you shootin' at us."

"Your boys?" Jimmy's throat closed. "You're Quantrill."

"Smart boy..." Jimmy felt someone touch his uniform, "scout are you?"

"Yessir."

"What does the army think it's doin' out here...what does it hope to accomplish!?"

"To stop you and your 'boys'. These raids .... the killin' has to stop."

"My dear boy... I didn't start this mess. The Jayhawkers have been raiding the southern farms around here for longer than I care to think. No one from the military tried to stop them."

Jimmy tried to squeeze his lids shut, trying to wash his eyes with tears. It was takin' too long. "Can't say I've heard much about the Jayhawkers sir, I joined when you had begun your raids."

"Well, consider this an education."

"I'd rather go home."