FOR
THE LOVE OF GUILTFOR
THE LOVE OF GUILTby Gabrielle © 2003
PART 2
"Don't know why we have to keep doing this. I mean, don't you get tired of doing the same thing over and over again? I do. Wake up in the morning, you go out on a run, you come back, and there are chores waiting for you. You help out around the house, wash this, chop that, fix this, fix that-I'm starting to feel like a wretched housewife! And I'm telling you, it's boring! Not to mention tiring! Ooh, I think my back's breaking-"
"Maybe you should have just let him sleep the whole day long," Buck whispered.
"Don't I know it." Jimmy rolled his eyes in exasperation. He'd long ago since tuned out that whining, annoying tirade Cody had launched into after just 15 minutes of working. The three boys were piling planks of hard wood and would build a new barn later to replace the sagging one they had which was near to collapse already. If only Cody would just shut his gob.
"Sometimes they ask us to do something dangerous, something like, Cody, get on top of the roof and clean the chimney, will you, and of course, I can't say no, can I? What if I fell down, huh? What if I broke an arm or a leg or even my neck?" Suddenly Cody gasped. "What if my face got ruined? Then I will never get the chance to go out with Susie McMahon! Now, that girl is really something! Did I tell you-"
Now it was Buck's turn to roll his eyes but unlike Jimmy, he preferred to keep his comments to himself. Jimmy, on the other hand, was on the verge of losing his cool. He was hot, tired, sweaty, stinky, and hungry.
"If we don't give a hand, we don't get food. Now what kind of torture is that? Wonder if Lou wants to trade chores with me. I bet she's having a marvelous time helping Emma out in the kitchen." Cody licked his lips a few times and he gave a visible shiver of delight before throwing down the pile of wood in his hands to the ground. Buck knew he was thinking about food again. Typical Cody.
"But then again, if we did something wrong, say, chopped the wood the wrong size, or accidentally knocked down the pillar of the sagging barn like Jimmy did yesterday, there they go again, blaming us, saying we weren't careful enough-" Cody sighed, wiping perspiration off his forehead. "It's hard to please everybody-"
"Cody, will you please shut up?" Jimmy was losing his patience. The day was growing hotter and the sweltering heat was getting to him.
"They were the ones who wanted us to-"
"CODY SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!" Jimmy hollered for the second time that day. He spun around to give Cody a piece of his mind but what he gave him was actually a big heavy bulk of wood he didn't realize he was swishing toward his friend in his anger.
"Jimmy, NO!!" Buck shouted in horror as the heavy log resting on Jimmy's shoulder swung and before Jimmy realized what was happening, the big piece of wood slammed into Cody's abdomen, hard, and he flew back with a grunt, slamming painfully against the hard ground.
Cody gasped as pain suddenly shot through his stomach, the wind suddenly knocked out of him. It all happened too fast for him; one second he was standing and happily chattering away, the next he was lying on the ground. There was no warning, just a sudden jolt of pain that erupted from deep within his body from the devastating blow, a sudden twisting pain in his belly that stole every last breath in him.
"Cody!" Buck ran toward his friend and went on his knees, looking deeply concerned. "Cody, are you alright?"
"W-Wha-" Cody was still trying to catch his breath and his world went black for a second but he shook his head hard, and instantly the world came back into view. Now Jimmy and Buck were both on either side of him, staring at him in horror.
"Cody, I am so, so sorry-" Jimmy rambled, still in shock himself. He studied his friend's face anxiously, terrified that he'd seriously injured him. Cody's face was pale under his blond hair and his blue eyes were wide with shock. And pain. "I swear I didn't mean to hurt you-I couldn't stop it- are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"What the hell was that?" Cody gasped out, hugging his belly tight. He could feel the tight muscles of his abdomen contracting with every breath he took and it hurt. "Did a wheelbarrow ram into me or something?"
Jimmy bit his lower lip, feeling extremely guilty. Though sometimes, most of the time, he couldn't stand Cody's non-stop chatter, but that gave him no reason to strike at him like that. Hurting Cody was the last thing on his mind. He exchanged worried looks with Buck and together they waited in suspense until Cody regained his wind. Though he was still in pain, Cody broke into a laugh, finding it funny that his friends were so worried about him when a few moments ago they were about ready to kill him.
"Hey, guys, breathe will you? You two look like someone has just walked over your graves. Help me up," Cody said, wincing as he tried to scoot off the dusty ground.
Jimmy let out a sigh of relief. If Cody's making bad jokes, that means he's okay, he thought. But he still worried. "Are you sure? Maybe you should give it a few more minutes, you know, make sure you're not-"
"I'm alright, Jimmy. Ain't the first time I got hit in the gut," Cody said, and reluctantly Buck and Jimmy helped him up. Cody groaned inwardly as his stomach muscles protested and he stood hunched over, waiting for the cramp to pass. At last the pain dissipated and he straightened up gingerly.
"Told you working's dangerous."
After arduous hours of laborious work, at last a new barn was standing erect next to the station, and they had finished building it just in time for dinner. Ike and Kid were back and since it was one of those rare moments when everyone was home, Emma and Lou announced that they had cooked a special dinner for all of them.
"Cody, it's time for dinner," Kid called, sticking his head into the bunkhouse. "What are you doing up there, all alone? Come on, everyone's waiting for you."
Cody, who was lying down on his bunk, turned his head and looked at Kid. Kid stared back at him expectantly. Cody was tempted to say he didn't feel like eating but later decided against it. Everybody knew he loved food and never in his life had he ever missed a lunch or dinner, especially if Emma had cooked it. William F. Cody, the glutton of Pony Express, refusing food? It was unheard of.
"I'll be there in a minute," Cody told his friend. He waited until had Kid left before getting out of bed slowly, refusing to rub his abdomen, which bore a large, blue-black bruise from his previous run-in with what was now the pillar of the new barn. He didn't tell anyone but he really wasn't feeling well. Every now and then a grinding, tearing pain would shoot through his middle and now a dull ache filled his stomach. He looked at himself in the mirror hanging from Lou's bed. He was noticeably paler than usual but he doubted that his friends would notice it, not as much as they would notice if he weren't there at his usual seat for dinner.
