hapter 36Rachel didn't even give herself time to think as she rose to run over to where Clear Brook were crouching over the young girl, who was pale and definitely sick. Pushing the others out of her way, she kneeled next to the young girl.
"How did this happen?" she demanded.
"She wanted to have some of the food," Clear Brook said. "I don't know how much she ate…" She stopped when Black Hawk returned with the Man Of Dreams. Instinctively she moved away to get the healer access to the girl. However, Rachel refused to move from the girl's side and when Black Hawk wanted to get her away, Red Bear held him back. He had seen the love and concern in Rachel's eyes as Clear Brook had told them the news and he would trust his girl with her. Rachel had helped her before and if her knowledge was what would help her again, then Red Bear would make sure that she could. Man Of Dreams kneeled next to the girl and asked her a few questions in Kiowa, while Rachel wiped her forehead with a cloth that Clear Brook handed to her.
"Have you anything that will make her sick?" she asked and looked around. Red Bear crouched next to them and translated the question for Man Of Dreams. The old healer looked questioningly at the white woman. Trying to stay calm Rachel quickly explained what she wanted and why. To her relief, Man Of Dreams nodded, and sent Clear Brook after some herbs.
"You're gonna be alright," Rachel mumbled as she cradled the girl in her arms. "You just feel bad just now, but you're gonna be just fine."
Wun-oan-te-mee leaned into Rachel's embrace as Rachel softly spoke to her and rocked her through her pains. Red Bear couldn't help watch in amazement how Rachel's presence seemed to have a soothing influence on his daughter. Looking around him, he saw the same astonishment in the others. Turning back to his daughter he couldn't help, despite his worry for Wun-oan-te-mee, feel his heart swell with love for the light-haired beauty that for the moment cared for his daughter. Soon enough Clear Brook returned with the herbs and Man Of Dreams quickly made it in to a drinking potion. He had already guessed what the white woman wanted to do and he was impressed with her quick thinking. Rachel slowly fed the liquid to the trembling girl, who soon after was violently sick. This brought some relief for Wun-oan-te-mee who cried silently in Rachel's arms. Seeing that the worst was over, Rachel tried to pick her up to carry her inside, when Red Bear intervened and picked up his daughter. Wun-oan-te-mee threw her arms around him and mumbled silently in Kiowa that she was sorry. Red Bear assured her that it was no problem and looked at the others.
"She should rest," Rachel suggested as Red Bear turned to Man Of Dreams. When the old man nodded his consent, Red Bear carried Wun-oan-te-mee back to his tepee. Uncertain of what she should do Rachel started to follow when Clear Brook held her back. Rachel turned around only to see the old man called Man Of Dreams beckon to her to sit down. With Black Hawk as a reluctant interpreter, the old man asked her with a great deal of interest of the white man's medicine and also about the poison. Rachel told him everything she knew, and although she liked to help, she sometimes got frustrated at the slow process. Many times she had to explain the same thing over and over again as Black Hawk's translation often left Man Of Dreams more confused than enlightened. Finally Man Of Dreams was content and let her go. Not seeing Clear Brook anywhere, Rachel slowly walked back to Red Bear's tepee, anxious to know how Wun-oan-te-mee was faring. She gently scratched the tepee and at the answer she removed the covering and stepped inside.
Wun-oan-te-mee was sleeping close to a small fire and her father sat opposite watching her. He looked up when Rachel entered. Red Bear beckoned to her to sit down and Rachel placed herself next to him. They just sat for some time, with only the crackling of the fire disturbing the silence.
"Will she be alright?" Red Bear's voice ended the silence.
"Yes. She ate something before her stomach was ready for it. I think she managed to get everything up, so she should be alright after a rest."
"But she need to eat."
"I know. There's food that she can eat, but the food Clear Brook made was too spicy."
"You know what she should eat?"
"Yes. I'll make it for her. Eventually every trace of the poison will be gone and she can go back to eat normally again."
"You'll do that for her?"
"Yes."
"Thank you," Red Bear said gratefully as he looked at his girl. "She's everything to me."
"I can see that," Rachel said softly. "She's a wonderful girl."
Red Bear smiled slightly as he used a stick to poke the fire, causing flares to emerge from the ember. He turned to look at Rachel.
"You did well today. Even Man Of Dreams was impressed."
"I wasn't trying to impress anybody," Rachel objected. "I just wanted Wun-oan-te-mee to be better. It doesn't matter what the others thought."
Yes, it does, Red Bear thought, but refrained from saying anything. Without realising it, Rachel had just taken a large step towards being accepted into the tribe and that meant a lot for Red Bear. Instead he pulled her close to her and placed his lips on her forehead. Rachel leaned her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her waist. When they were sure that Wun-oan-te-mee was sleeping without any signs of being sick, they decided to get some sleep. As Rachel pulled the buffalo robe over her, she couldn't help casting a last glance over at the young girl. With Red Bear's arm draped around her and the sound of his calm breathing as he fell asleep behind her, she felt more content that she had in many years. She belonged here, with Red Bear and Wun-oan-te-mee. Smiling to herself, she slowly turned around, trying not to wake up Red Bear. She failed as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her with his eyes half-open. Rachel nestled herself close to him and as she closed her eyes she could feel his arms around her. Feeling safe and protected she soon fell asleep.
Lou paced irritated on the porch. She had one of the new riders waiting for the mochilla and the man's nervousness was getting on her nerves. She was also anxious that anything had happened on the run. It was Ike's run and she hoped that she wouldn't loose another of her friends. Ike had asked if she wanted to take the run, but she had declined, for several reasons. She still hadn't got her period and now she was alarmed. This was not alright. She couldn't have a baby right now, could she? She didn't know anything about babies, nor about being pregnant. If she was pregnant then she couldn't ride, could she? She tried to remember how her mother had been and what she had done, but how hard she tried she couldn't. She wondered what Kid would say when he found out. Would he accept to be a father? Or would he leave her? I'm crazy, she thought, of course Kid wouldn't leave me. But the fear lingered on. And with no one else around to talk to, Lou felt as if she was ready to explode. It was with relief she saw Ike ride in and send the new rider on his way.
Ike held in his horse in front of the bunkhouse porch and smiled at Lou.
"You're late," she chided angrily.
<I'm sorry. There was a special delivery I had to wait for. Noah back yet?>
"No, and I'm tired of this! We don't know where Buck is, Jimmy's helping Teaspoon in town and Cody and Kid are out with the army and we haven't heard a single word!"
Ike quickly dismounted and walked up to her.
<Take it easy, Lou. I'm sure they are alright.>
"You're not worried 'bout Buck?!"
<Yes, I am. But I can't do anything about it. Lou, what's wrong?> A worried frown showed in Ike's face.
"Nothing's wrong! Why should anything be wrong?" Lou turned and walked back into the house, slamming the door behind her.
Ike stared after her before taking his horse over to the newly erected stable. Lou was obviously in a bad mood, and he was too tired to argue with her.
Lou was still angry as she placed herself by the table in the bunkhouse. She knew it wasn't Ike's fault, but she had to do something. Most of all she wanted to take a run, but she feared that the hard ride could hurt her or the baby, if she indeed was pregnant. She tried to figure herself with a baby but failed miserably. Aimlessly, she reached for the pack of cards and with nothing else to do, she started placing the cards on the table. She waited for Ike to return inside, assuming that he was taking care of his horse. Jimmy and Teaspoon should be back soon and she knew that they would be hungry. Ike was probably hungry too. For her own sake, she wasn't sure that she would be able to eat at all. She felt sick. She probably should get started on supper though, but she just couldn't.
The others could yell at her if they wanted, she didn't care. Another feeling of nausea hit her and with alarm she remembered hearing somewhere that pregnant women often suffered from nausea. An icy chill spread through her body as she realised that it was another sign that she was pregnant. She tried to concentrate on the cards, but it was impossible to keep her thoughts from returning to an image of her with a huge belly. As she sat there, she suddenly felt her stomach cramp. It was just an uneasiness and no pain and a ray of hope fluttered through her as she got up and run for the outhouse. It was with disappointment that she realised that she had been mistaken, but strangely enough with some relief. Maybe it wasn't so bad being pregnant, she thought. A baby of her own, her and Kid's baby, to care for and love. A baby that would be a part of them both. But then how would they live? She would have to dress as a woman - she would have to be a woman. And they would have to live on Kid's salary only - and her savings.
And what about Teresa and Jeremiah - they wouldn't have enough money to get them from the orphanage. And where should they live? The more she thought about the problems seemed to outgrow the joy with a baby. She sobbed as she placed herself on the lid of the toilet. She wanted Kid to be back with her and she wanted it now. She didn't knew how long she sat in the outhouse, depressed, but it must have been for some time as she heard Jimmy outside.
"Lou? Is everything alright?"
Lou wiped her face with her hand and rose, trying to wipe every sign of sorrow from her face.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied and opened the door. Seeing Jimmy's worried face, she felt angry again. "I just wanted some privacy, but I s'pose that's too much to ask for?"
"I didn't mean to intrude, but Ike said you had been in there for some time and I just thought---. Well, we're just about to start fixing supper…"
"Can't you do that without me?" Lou sneered as they walked back to the bunkhouse.
Jimmy stared at her. "Well, I s'pose we could have, but I thought---. We agreed that since you were the one staying at the station, that you should---"
"I can't do everything," Lou yelled as Teaspoon and Ike emerged from the bunkhouse. Seeing them stare at her too, she simply ran away and headed into the kitchen, leaving three stunned men staring after her.
"What was that?" Jimmy asked baffled.
<I don't know - she's been grumpy ever since I came back.> Ike replied.
"You better get started on supper, boys. I'll talk to Lou," Teaspoon suggested and walked over to the house.
Teaspoon found her in the kitchen, sitting by the table with her head leaning on the table, covered by her arms.
He cleared his throat to get her attention, but when there was no reply, he seated himself next to her.
"You wanna tell me what's wrong, Lou?"
"No."
"You're sure, Lou? I'm a good listener."
"It's nothing you can do anything about, Teaspoon," Lou replied and lifted her head to look at him. Teaspoon looked at her with a confused face.
"Is it about Rachel? I know you missed her, but we'll find her. I'm sure she's alright."
"That's part of it," Lou admitted.
"Part of it? Is it the other part that you don't want to discuss?"
"Yes," Lou said silently. "Look, Teaspoon, I appreciate your concern, but I really just need to be left alone for a while."
Teaspoon tried another angle.
"If Rachel was here, would you discuss it with her?"
Lou nodded as she felt tears in her eyes. Teaspoon saw it too, and suddenly felt more nervous. He had been married six times, but this young woman and her problem was something he wasn't sure he could handle.
"Is there someone else you can talk to?"
"No, no one else knows I'm a girl."
"Maybe Doc…"
"I don't need no doctor - I'm fine!"
"Lou---"
"I just want Rachel back! And I want Kid here - I want everything to be back as it were!"
Teaspoon pulled Lou into a tight embrace, letting her cry on his shoulder.
"We all do, Lou. We all do."
It was a tired Noah that reached the army camp. It was with disappointment that he learned that neither Kid or Cody was present and that they weren't expected back for a few days. He quickly briefed the captain of what had happened and how they had captured the horse thieves.
"So there were never any Indian trouble?" Bennett asked thoughtfully.
"No, sir. It probably suited Henderson that the Indians were blamed - kept the suspicions away from him. He even admitted to poisoning their water in hope that they would attack somebody - then there wouldn't be any doubt that the Indians would be to blame."
Captain Bennett shook his head.
"Then I don't get it - why did they attack the Express station?"
Noah hesitated. He wasn't sure he should tell the captain the whole story - Buck had trusted them not to reveal his niece presence and despite the fact that she was no longer there and Buck was gone, Noah still wanted to honour that promise.
"I don't know," he stated finally. "All I can think of is the incident Teaspoon told you about, when one of our riders got caught on their sacred land?"
Bennett nodded. "Yes, I remember. It's hard to believe that such a small incident could result in this tragedy."
Noah wanted to say that Jimmy's violation of Kiowa sacred land was probably seen as tragic by the Kiowa, but wisely held his tongue.
"Any other news?" Bennett asked. "That half blood rider of yours, he hasn't changed his mind, has he?"
Noah sighed. He knew that Teaspoon had told him to ask the captain to retain Buck if they saw him, but he didn't like to do it.
"Marshal Hunter had a request for you," he begun reluctantly.
When Noah had finished telling Captain Bennett everything, the army man looked thoughtfully at him. Then he came to a decision.
"I think I need to talk to the marshal," he stated.
"But what about your command here?" Noah wondered.
"I've got a good second command. He'll take over for me and I'll give him the instructions from marshal Hunter. Besides I need to make sure that my request for reinforcement came through." Bennett took his hat and rose. "You should be ready to ride at first light tomorrow, Mr. Dixon."
Buck had had no problem finding the place for the abandoned village. To his dismay he immediately noticed that so had the army. Not that it worried him too much. Red Bear would know how to avoid the army - or he hoped so. And he had an idea of where he could find Red Bear and the village. He just had to make sure that he didn't leave any trail for the army to follow. He sighed as he let his hand touch the ground where the remains of a fire place was still visible. He wondered who it had been that had attacked the village and kidnapped Rachel and Ellen. If the action had been sanctioned by the council, then it would be foolish of him to think that he just could ride into the village and bring Rachel and Ellen out of there. He quickly mounted and headed out in the opposite direction then the tracks from the army. He had no wish running into them.
A few nights later he had not seen any signs of army activity and he begun to relax. After a long day he took his time finding a camp for the night. It was cold and the wound was hurting. He needed to make a fire and he needed to stay hidden. He couldn't be found by the army or the Kiowa. As soon as he had the fire burning, he redressed his wound before preparing a small meal. He wasn't very hungry but he needed to build up his strength. He was worried that Teaspoon had been right, that Red Bear wouldn't be able to help him get the women out. And if Red Bear couldn't help him, then he had a problem on his hands. Despite what he had told the others, he was only too aware of that the last time he had been to the Kiowa village, he had chosen to leave. Although he had passed the test that could have earned him a status in the tribe, he had chosen to turn his back to them. To them he was dead, or white.
The test no longer mattered for the Kiowa - probably only mattered to him and Red Bear. And the thought of riding back into the Kiowa village troubled him, troubled him more than he wanted to admit to himself. When he had returned to save Ike, he hadn't had time to think - all he knew was that he had to get Ike out of danger. This time he had had plenty of time to think, and he realised that being in the village and the thought of returning to it, brought forward a lot of memories and most of them not pleasant. Part of him was scared of returning. For thirteen years he had lived in the village, doing his very best to become a true Kiowa, or the last years, when he had realised that he was trying for something impossible, at least an accepted member of the tribe. And he had failed. That it wasn't his fault, but rather the others reluctance to accept him, didn't make him feel any better. And that child's dream of being accepted, of being one in the tribe, still lingered on in the young man.
Not as openly or eagerly as the child, but somewhere, lodged deep inside him, the yearning was still there. And how much he tried to convince himself that he no longer needed to belong among the Kiowa, that he had found a new family that loved and cared for him, he knew that it wasn't enough. If it had been enough, then he would have discarded the medicine pouch and other Kiowa items, and he knew it. He couldn't rid himself of the heritage, despite the pain it caused him when he knew that he couldn't be part of that heritage. And no matter what he had told Teaspoon, he had already chosen. He had left the Kiowa and his brother and he was dead to them. Or white, which in the end could be the same thing. If he run into Kiowa warriors it was more than likely that they would kill him. And if he, by some miracle, would be allowed to return, it would be completely on the tribe's terms. Red Bear was the only one that would speak on his behalf and he too would be forced to act according to the tribe. Life on the plains was hard and only the fittest survived. It didn't allow for divided loyalties, and the Kiowa knew that. In order to survive, everyone must put the tribe before themselves. But as Buck thought back of his life, he couldn't help feel angry. He had never done anything to hurt the Kiowa and before he had left, he had no loyalties other than those to the tribe. And yet he had been met with distrust and suspicion. And their treatment left a bitter taste in his mouth, and despite the years passed he was still angry at them for it.
Angry because the bitter memories soiled the happy ones. And there had been several of those as well. As the first time he managed to win over Red Bear in a horse race between them and how his mother had smiled and cheered at his success. When Red Bear had taught him to play many of the games, how they had played together, despite the age difference. Red Bear had always been there, never turning him down - well, almost never. Buck smiled at the memory of a time when his brother must have thought him a nuisance. He had been looking for Red Bear and found him ready to ride out. Seeing it, he had rushed over and ask to join him, not caring that Red Bear's riding companion was a young woman. Red Bear had gently declared that Running Buck could not join them on this hunt, since he and Moon Beam, as Red Bear whispering had told his younger brother, 'was after the most delicious prey there was'. Buck smiled broadly at the memory. At the time he had been too young to understand what Red Bear was talking about, but now he had no problem knowing what his brother and Moon Beam had been 'after'. And his presence had certainly been a bother. He wished he could have been as carefree as his brother growing up. Red Bear had been more than a brother to him - he had almost been an idol.
And yet Red Bear had failed to see his misery as the years slowly went by without any changes for the boy growing into a young man. And for each year it became harder to believe that he ever would be accepted for who he was, until he finally realised the truth and left. There hadn't been much for him to leave either. The only ones that really cared for him had been his mother and Red Bear, and although he still remember some in the tribe for their kindness and care, it was only Rain Song and Red Bear that truly mattered. And with Rain Song's death and Red Bear's marriage, Buck really didn't have much of a choice, not the way he saw it anyway. It had been hard enough after his mother's death, but when Red Bear married, Buck had felt very much alone. Red Bear had offered him to stay with him and his wife, and Buck would have accepted if Black Hawk hadn't interfered and said that Buck should stay with him and his wife. Buck had wanted to say no, but Red Bear had thought it was a good idea and it was then Buck had decided to leave. He didn't know if he could live with Black Hawk's family. He liked Clear Brook and his young cousin, Flying Squirrel, but he wasn't sure how he felt about Black Hawk. Every time Buck had hoped to be part of the family that consisted of his mother, brother and his brother's father, Black Hawk had interfered and prevented it. Buck was the first to admit that Red Bear's father had an intimidating effect on him, as he sensed that the man didn't like him, but then he had never got a fair chance to prove himself to the man. And for what Black Hawk had done when Buck's mother had passed away, Buck would never be able to forgive him.
"What's wrong?" The young boy looked anxiously at the woman next to him. There had been some commotion by the chief's tepee when he had returned from the woods, where he had been practicing on his skills with a bow and arrow. The tribe's medicine man had been summoned and was inside together with the chief, Walking Bear. Red Bear stood outside with Black Hawk's comforting hand on his shoulder, the worry clear on his face. Running Buck had wanted to walk over there, but the stern look from Black Hawk had prevented him from doing it. He wasn't even sure Red Bear had noticed his return. Instead Running Buck had turned to Black Hawk's wife, Clear Brook, for an answer to his worries. Clear Brook crouched next to the young boy with eyes filled with concern and worry.
"Do you remember your mother telling you that she wasn't feeling alright?" she asked. Running Buck nodded. His mother had been sick and tired. But she had told him not to worry, sometimes women felt sick when expecting a baby. He remembered, since he had asked her if she had been sick expecting him. His mother had just laughed and said that neither he or Red Bear had been troublesome during the pregnancy. 'I think this child will be a little troublemaker', she had said and winked at him. 'You have to be a good big brother to it.' And Running Buck had promised to be that, feeling pride in soon being a 'big brother' rather than the youngest one.
Rain Song's pregnancy had been a surprise to everybody. It had been seven years since she had given birth to the half white child and nobody expected her to give birth to another child. Some thought that the white man had killed that ability in her, but the truth was that she had not been able to be intimate with her husband for a long time after the brutal assault and the birth of her second son and even when she recovered, their life was not as it used to be. And yes, even Rain Song believed that she would not have any more children, making the two she had even more precious to her. When she had found out that she was expecting again, she had been thrilled with joy and even her husband had allowed himself to celebrate the fact that his wife was going to give him another child.
And he could even take pride in the fact that his wife would have given birth to three children - something unusual among a people where it was normal for a woman to have one, maybe two children. The medicine man had been cautious and told her to be careful, since she was no longer as young as she used to be. And he was worried about her, since she had been sick for a long time after giving birth to Running Buck. She had been sick while expecting him as well, and Running Buck had been born two weeks early as a small child. Rain Song had not been sure that he would live, but his spirit had proved stronger than his physical appearance and he had quickly gained weight. Therefore she wasn't too concerned about the man's worries. This was the child that would confirm her love for her husband and the child that would bring them back together again. How could she be anything than happy?
The news of the new baby had stirred up mixed emotions in Running Buck. He was happy to see his mother filled with joy and he was looking forward to a sibling, but at the same time he was a little scared. Scared that this new baby would take his place and scared that he would be forgotten or considered even less family than he already was. But most of all he was happy about the new baby, since his mother was. But now something was wrong - he could feel it. An intense feeling that something bad was about to happen, an ominous feeling that swept through the air. He looked at Clear Brook with fear in his eyes. Clear Brook placed her hands on his shoulder and looked at him.
"Your mother was not well, because the baby was not well. The baby died inside her, Running Buck."
Running Buck tried to understand what Clear Brook just had told him, but it was hard for the seven year old to grasp the complete picture.
"There's no baby?"
"No, there won't be any baby." Clear Brook sadly shook her head.
Running Buck felt a lump in his throat. There wouldn't be any little brother or sister. And his mother had been so happy about that.
"How's mother?" he asked as he tried to hold back his tears.
"She's very, very tired - and very sad."
Running Buck could understand that. His mother had longed for a new baby to hold in her arms and now that was gone. He looked over to the tepee and then back at Clear Brook.
"Is she very sad?" he asked.
"Yes. And she is not well, Running Buck. We must let her rest now."
Running Buck looked at her as he bit his lower lip. "I can't see her?"
"Not now. You understand that don't you? Right now only Walking Bear will be with her."
Worried and disappointed Running Buck nodded. He really wanted to see his mother to make sure that she was alright. But he also knew that he would do anything for her to get better, and if that meant letting her rest for a while, then he would do that. He nodded slowly.
"But then I can see her, can't I? When she's better."
"Of course you can," Clear Brook smiled. "But tonight you will stay with us."
"But--- Red Bear---", Running Buck mumbled.
"If Red Bear wishes, he is welcomed to stay as well. But he might decide to watch outside."
"I can do that too."
"He's older than you," Clear Brook explained patiently to the young boy. "He's about to be a warrior and he will make his own decisions."
"I can make my own decisions too," Running Buck declared stubbornly, wishing with all his heart to stay close to his mother and to be his brother.
"Your mother would want you to stay with us," Clear Brook assured him and rose, leaving the boy alone with his thoughts.
For two days nothing changed. Running Buck was not allowed near his mother and despite his fervent wish to be close to her, he abided Black Hawk's order in hope that his mother would get better. He listened to the gossip in the camp and what he heard made him more worried and he had nobody to voice his concerns to, since Red Bear was watching over their mother. Running Buck had thought it unfair, but hadn't dared question Black Hawk's decisions. The only one that listened to him was Clear Brook. And soon her news became the only thing that mattered. She also was the one that knew about his worst fears
"Clear Brook?"
Clear Brook squinted at the sun at the voice. "Running Buck? What is wrong? Where's Flying Squirrel?"
"She's with Pale Flower." The boy hesitated. "Can I ask you something?"
Clear Brook sensed that there was something important on the boy's mind and stopped working for a minute.
"You can ask me anything," she said with a fleeting smile. "Are you worried about your mother again?"
"Yes. But that's not all---" Running Buck looked down at his feet while Clear Brook waited for him to continue.
"Is it - is it my fault the baby died?" Running Buck did not even dare to look into Clear Brook's face for the answer. Clear Brook stared at the boy and placed the tool she had been working with on the ground.
"Why do you think that Running Buck?"
"The others said - they said the baby would have survived if -" his voice became a whisper "- if she hadn't been taken by a white man. If I hadn't been born."
"They talk rubbish," Clear Brook stated firmly. "It's nobody's fault. Sometimes babies dies. And no matter how awful it is, there's nothing anybody can do about it, nor is it anyone's fault."
"But---"
"No, Running Buck. There's no 'buts' about it. Your mother was hurt by the white man, but by giving birth to you, she proved that she is fine. We will probably never know why this baby died, but it has nothing to do with you. Alright?"
Running Buck nodded. Clear Brook's assessment calmed him down, but the worry wasn't so easily dismissed.
"Can I see my mother?" The same question had been asked several times since Rain Song became sick from losing her baby and so far it had been declined. But this time it wasn't so easy for Clear Brook to dismiss the child before her. Although nobody had told Running Buck, Rain Song was worse. But it wasn't her decision to make.
"I'll talk to Black Hawk," she promised.
Running Buck sighed silently. He didn't think Black Hawk would allow him to see his mother this time either. Black Hawk didn't like him, he was sure of it. But he also knew that Clear Brook couldn't do anything else.
"No." The one word was spoken with firmness and Running Buck felt close to tears. He hadn't seen his mother in three days and he was real worried. He knew that she was very sick and that the medicine man feared for her life. And there was so much he wanted to tell her, and that he needed to hear from her. But as long as Black Hawk refused to let him see her, she might as well been miles away. Running Buck tried to keep the tears from his eyes as Black Hawk again kept him from seeing his mother. Trying to hide his disappointment he turned away as Clear Brook walked up to her husband. Running Buck didn't hear what they were talking about, nor did he cared. He was too upset to be interested. All he could think about was that he wasn't going to see his mother this time either. He couldn't understand why - he didn't believe the vague reasoning about him being too young. He just wanted to see his mother - why wouldn't they let him? And with Red Bear already by his mother's side, there was no one that he could talk to. The disappointment slowly turned to anger and he wiped his eyes as he slowly turned back to Black Hawk.
"Why?" he asked with a voice that he tried to hold steady.
"You don't understand," Black Hawk replied. "Rain Song is very sick. She does not need any commotion around her."
"She is my mother!" Running Buck shouted angrily, not caring for the consequences of his uproar.
"And she is my sister. She does not want you around her right now."
Everything stopped. Running Buck suddenly felt it hard to breathe, as if somebody had placed an iron band around his torso. With eyes wide with anxiety he stared at Black Hawk.
"She doesn't want me there?" Running Buck repeated quivering. Then Clear Brook intervened.
"Black Hawk didn't mean that," she said with an angry glance at her husband. "And he will ask if you can see her - today."
Black Hawk glared at his wife, but Clear Brook was determined. The boy had a right to see his mother and finally Black Hawk cave in but not before he had dragged his wife aside and told her about the folly of her statement. Standing to the side Running Buck could hear some of their discussion.
"You know I can't do that," Black Hawk said.
"One day he will have to know the truth. Maybe now is that time," Clear Brook insisted and Running Buck wondered what it was that he should know. But he had no time to ponder the issue as Black Hawk returned to him. Followed by an anxious Running Buck he headed over to the tepee where the soft songs of the medicine man normally was heard. But for some reason it had ended as they reached it. Black Hawk frowned and told Running Buck to wait. Clear Brook noticed the difference as well and placed a comforting hand on Running Buck's shoulder as they waited for Black Hawk's return.
Running Buck could tell there was something wrong and he was grateful for Clear Brook's presence. But as the seconds went by, he became more scared than worried. When Black Hawk returned, Running Buck searched his face for anything that might be good news but there was nothing. A tight knot developed in his stomach as he heard Black Hawk take a deep breath, before placing himself on one knee before the now visible trembling boy.
"I'm sorry. Rain Song passed away ---" Before he could say anything else, Running Buck interrupted him.
"No," he mumbled and shook his head, refusing to believe that his mother was gone, gone before he was able to talk to her, gone before he could say goodbye. She couldn't be gone - she couldn't!
Buck poked hard at the fire at the memory. He had no clear memories of what had happened after Black Hawk had told him of his mother's passing. They were entwined in a dark fogginess that was both a mercy and a protection. He didn't want to remember the self-doubt and the grief that had haunted him for the remains of that day and several days that followed. But did he like to forget the anger he had felt, and still felt, for the man he held responsible. He had never found out what 'truth' Black Hawk and Clear Brook had discussed that fateful day. Not that he cared, whatever it was it couldn't be worse than finding that your mother was dead. He muttered to himself as he put out the last of the fire. He wouldn't get caught up in old memories, especially not bad memories. He would not let memories rule his actions today. He would find the village and he would get Rachel and Ellen out. What else could he do? He grabbed the blanket and prepared to get some sleep when a sound made him stand up. A horse's hoof had hit a stone. Uncertain if the newcomers were friends or foe, Buck prepared for the worse and quickly gathered his things and got his horse ready. Satisfied that he could make a swift leave, he decided to see who it was.
He slowly crept closer to the sound and the sight that met his eyes made him frown with dismay. Before him was Kid, and with him was a small group of soldiers. For a second Buck thought that they might be looking for him, but then he realised that they were probably doing the same thing as himself -- looking for the Kiowa village. Anyway, he had no desire to meet them, so he slowly crept back to his horse and took off, making sure that his tracks were covered.
Kid rose in the saddle to overlook the landscape before him. He couldn't understand how a complete village just could disappear and yet that was what the Kiowa village had seem to do. He could only assume that he was searching the wrong area, or that the tracks had been hidden too well. Somehow he didn't believe the latter. Nobody could hide traces from a complete village. It wasn't logical. He turned to the men assigned to him. They were weary and he could tell by the look on their faces that they were in no way happy over the assignment. They had imagined that they would be staying in the vicinity of Sweetwater and not roaming the countryside in search of Kiowa renegades. Kid wondered what he should do. He was tired of the search as well, but he knew he couldn't give up. He had to do his best to get Rachel and Ellen back. He had promised Lou if nothing else. The thought of Lou made him once more regret his hasty decision to follow Captain Bennett. Maybe he should have stayed with Lou. Cody had assured him that Lou was alright, but Kid still remembered her face pale from the loss of blood. When he had joined the army in their search, Kid had not expected to be away from the station for so long as he had. He missed Lou, and yet he found it comforting to know that she was in safety back at the station with Jimmy, Ike and Teaspoon. Kid did not include Buck in that thought. To Kid it was obvious that Buck had already made his choice and he was not on the same side as him, Kid.
Returning to the present situation, Kid realised that he had another problem than his and Buck's differences. The men were grumbling and the rations they had been given were quickly diminishing. The captain had hoped that they could add small game to the rations, but none had seen anything worth to hunt for a while. The lack of wild game also made them believe that they were barking up the wrong tree. The Kiowa would not choose and area without wild game - that would put them in a difficult situation. But then, maybe the Kiowa had not known of the lack of animals. Kid sighed and looked over to the others. Had not Kid's mind been too occupied with thoughts of Lou and his own differences with Buck, he might have noticed the dismay that were growing among the men.
Not only had they been ordered to follow a civilian, he was merely a youngster, with, in their eyes, no experience or military skills whatsoever. All they wanted was to abort the mission and return to the army camp. They had silently discussed the matter the previous night and one of them decided that it was time they told the Express rider that.
"We should head back," one of them stated as he dismounted. "There ain't no Indians here."
"We haven't finished the area," Kid objected slightly surprised, but a bit suspicious. The man was a troublemaker, and the second day Kid had noticed that the man was drunk. Apparently he had managed to get his hand on some cheap whiskey and brought it with him.
"It ain't a suggestion," the man continued and the others nodded their consent.
"What do you mean it ain't a suggestion?"
"That we're tired of being ordered around by a 'kid', that's what it is," the man replied. "We're turning back."
"You can't do that. Captain Bennett ordered you to find the village."
"Well, he ain't here now is he?"
Kid tried to estimate the situation. The men looked weary and the one speaking for them had proven himself unreliable before as he had brought a bottle of whiskey with him. Kid suspected he was drunk now.
"Let's make camp and then we can discuss this tomorrow," Kid suggested.
"Let's make camp and then we can go play with the Indians tomorrow," the man mimicked. "You ever fought Indians, 'kid'?"
"We're not here to start a war," Kid pointed out.
"And you think that the In'juns just let the women go?"
Kid stared at him as the man continued.
"Don't understand why we should even get into trouble for'em - them savages have probably already had their way with'em. No decent man's ever gonna lay his hand on'em. Spoiled meat," he spat.
"I don't want to hear you talk that way," Kid said coldly.
"Hear that boys? Mr. Gentleman here gets embarrassed," he scorned as a few of the others grinned foolishly.
"I'll forget that I ever heard that," Kid stated. "Get sober and we'll discuss the matter tomorrow."
For a second he thought that the man was going to start a fight and Kid carefully placed his hand close to his gun, when a second man intervened.
"Let it go," he asked and dragged the man away from Kid. "The boy's right - we should get some sleep before we decide what we should do."
The man, who obviously had been drinking again , muttered something inaudible and walked away.
"Don't worry, he'll be alright by morning," the one who intervened said and left an angry Kid by his horse. Kid sighed and he knew that there was nothing he could do. He would be grateful when this was over and he could return back, though, but for now he would try and make it work. He had no other choice, he couldn't abandon Rachel. Dismounting, Kid noticed in the corner of his eye how the drunk soldier sneaked away, but he didn't have the energy to react.
They had just settled for the night when shots echoed through the night. With the fear of being discovered by hostile Indians they had tried not to use their guns and the sudden outburst created by several shots endangered their situation and they rushed over to the scene with their guns drawn. What they found was the drunk soldier - now completely wasted and shouting and firing at imaginary enemies.
"Get him to stop!" Kid called and rushed forward only to stop when the man saw them and turned on them.
"Hey! It's the Southern gentleman! You're here to give me orders again, son?" he leered as he tried to fix his eyes on Kid.
Kid lowered his gun. "Put it down," he stated coldly, hoping to defuse the situation before it became worse.
"You scared of me?" The man continued to wave the gun at Kid.
"You're gonna hurt somebody if you keep that up," someone said.
"Yeah, and I know just who - I ain't gonna take orders from a brat!" And with those words the drunken man turned and fired two shots. Due to his state the first went high over the head over the gathered men, who quickly ducked, but the second hit Kid squarely in the chest. He had ducked too at the first shot and had not been prepared for the second one. Stunned by the pain he clutched his chest and stumbled. He was close to a steep hill covered with small bushes, but he was too confused to see the danger. He looked up but the world seemed to swirl around him and it seemed darker than a few minutes ago. He tried to ask the men that swayed before his eyes for help, but not a sound came over his lips. Finally his legs no longer carried him and he felt himself falling. Somewhere in the distance he heard somebody call out "You killed him!" and he wanted to object as the darkness overwhelmed him and he lost consciousness.
The soldiers watched in horror how Kid fell to his knees and then in search for support leaned to the side. But there was no support to find as he was too close to the edge. One of the men saw the danger but before he could reach Kid, Kid rolled down the slope. The man stopped at the edge, breathing heavily. Another turned to the drunken man.
"What have you done, you fool!" he yelled and shook the man unmercifully.
"Did I kill him?" the man asked in a drunken stupor.
"Looks like it. We better get the hell out of here. Those shots might have alerted every Indian within earshot. They'll come looking and then we'll be in trouble."
"What will we tell the captain?"
"He was killed by Indians - what else?"
"But---" the man objected and nodded towards their drunken companion.
"He's a good soldier - let's just forget that this happened. Let's get back"
Buck heard the shots and held in his horse. He wondered vaguely what had caused the commotion and for a second he contemplated turning around. But then he decided against it. He didn't want to have anything to do with the army. Kid would be able to take care of himself, after all he had chosen his companions all by himself.
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