Burying The Past
Burying The Past
Kid was silent the entire ride back to the way station. Lou glanced over at him, wondering what he was thinking and also hoping she'd helped him feel better about things. When she'd found him at the pond following Doritha's funeral, her main concern was making sure he was going to be alright. He'd been so upset since her death. She had no idea that she would also be revealing how much she still cared for him. But now she was glad that she had. Words weren't needed to say they were back together again, or at least she hoped they were. She wanted, no needed, them to be.
Feeling a pair of eyes on him, Kid turned toward her and smiled. "I couldn't have done this without you, Lou. Thank you."
She looked away suddenly feeling shy. She didn't want his praise as much as she wanted his love, she knew that now. "I meant what I said - I'll always be here for you."
"I'm so lucky to have you," he said softly. He had felt so alone after Doritha's death but Lou now gave him hope, hope and a promise of a future together.
They watched as the station came into view. Kid tied his horse to the post outside the bunkhouse and waited for Lou to do the same. He then went to her and offered her his hand.
Lou smiled and slipped her small hand into his large one and blushed at the soft squeeze he gave hers in return. How could such a simple gesture mean so much?
They ascended the steps together then entered the bunkhouse, finding a strange sight in front of them. Jimmy, Buck, Noah and Cody were all crouched down close to the table surface, staring intently at something before them. Upon closer inspection, Kid and Lou saw that it was a small package wrapped in plain brown paper.
"What's goin' on? What's that?" Kid asked, breaking the silence.
Four heads popped up, staring in confusion at the new arrivals. None had heard the door open.
Cody spoke first. "Kid, the others filled me in on what's been going on around here. I'm real sorry about your friend."
Kid appreciated the sincerity from their usually comical bunkmate.
"Thanks, Cody. Thanks a lot."
Cody nodded then got a goofy grin on his face. "Now to answer your question. I brought this package back with me from St. Joe. It's addressed to the Rock Creek Pony Express Way Station but doesn't say who it's for."
"And we're dyin' to find out," Noah muttered, leaning his head heavily on his hand as if the weight of it was too much.
Noticing Noah's tired appearance, Lou asked, "How long you guys been looking at that thing?"
"For about an hour now," Buck told her. "We just don't feel right opening it until we know who it's for."
She and Kid glanced at each other and shook their heads at the crazy guys in front of them.
"You'll never know who it's for if don't open it. Maybe there's a card or a note inside explainin' things," Lou offered.
"Never thought about that," Jimmy admitted. "Alright, let's do it." He and the others gingerly moved their fingers toward the package and in one swift movement, it was torn open.
Lying in front of the six riders was not what they expected. It was a hard cover book. The outside of it had faded and was worn, most likely from a lot of handling.
Cody picked it up and brought it closer to his eyes for inspection. Squinting, he read, "Something, something love poems. Ah, what's so great about this? Here," he said, handing it toward Lou, "it's probably for you."
Lou took the offered book and, annoyed, asked, "Why do you think it's for you?" She stared at Cody, daring him to come up with a sensible answer but knowing he wouldn't.
"'Cause it's love poems and you're a girl and girls get into that mushy stuff," Cody answered, shrugging, feeling as if she'd asked the dumbest question of all time.
"I wouldn't mind looking at them, yes, but that don't mean it's for me." Lou started flipping pages and was surprised when something fell out and floated to the floor, resting at her feet. Bending down, she picked up the delicate object and brought it to the table.
"What is it?" Buck asked as each of the guys tried to get a view of what she was holding.
"It's a crushed flower. It must have been beautiful. I've never seen anythin' like it before," she said, knowing she'd not seen that many different sorts of flowers in her life to be the judge of anything.
Kid had been the only one not commenting on the uncovered book and sucked in his breath upon seeing the crushed flower. He quickly glanced around and was relieved to find that no one had noticed his reaction. He couldn't believe what he was seeing but didn't want to let on to anyone else that it was upsetting him.
"I wonder what kind it is?" Noah asked as each rider felt compelled to place a finger on the fine flower.
"It's a dogwood," Kid muttered without thinking then seeing the others turn their eyes toward him, he tried to cover up by explaining, "There are a lot of dogwood trees in Virginia. I just saw a lot of that type of flower growing up, that's all." He looked away nervously.
Lou noticed the change in his behavior; he was withdrawing from the rest of them, from her. She wanted to ask him more on the subject but could tell by his stiff posture that he wasn't in the mood for talking. She frowned, wishing he would confide in her but knowing that wasn't like the Kid. He would tell her in his own time but that obviously was not now.
"Well since you know what type of flower it is, maybe someone sent it to you," Jimmy suggested.
Kid caught the teasing look on Jimmy's face and quickly protested, "I don't know anyone in St. Joe and 'sides, pressin' flowers in a book is something women do, what would it have do with me or any of you?" He knew that sounded stupid, anyone could press a flower in a book as a remembrance but he wanted the topic changed and wanted it done now.
As the other guys reluctantly agreed that he was probably right and they'd never find out who sent the strange package their way, Kid silently walked toward the door.
"Where you goin', Kid?" Lou asked out of concern. She didn't like the sad look that had come across his face. She thought she'd wiped it away by being there for him earlier but it was back.
"Just to take care of the horses, Lou," he told her with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm fine, no need to worry," he assured her, answering the question written on her face before heading out the door.
But that's exactly what she did. Try as she might, Lou just couldn't help herself. He had seemed so much better after the time they spent together, not appearing as if he was all alone in the world. But now that look was back on his face, ever since they came in to the bunkhouse. No, Lou thought, staring at the table. It was ever since the mysterious package had been opened and it's contents revealed. But Kid had said that no one would have sent it to him. Then again she knew how easy it was to say something that wasn't true just to avoid talking about something you didn't want to talk about. She would definitely keep her eye on him, hoping it was just her imagination.
Kid couldn't take the tossing and turning anymore so he got up just before dawn. He had thought trying to sleep the night after Doritha had died was a hard enough thing to do but this was so much worse. How could such a simple gesture on his part so many years ago have brought someone heartache instead of joy? Because he was only thinking of himself, that's why. He had deceived her and never realized it until now.
He moved to the table and sat down. He stared at the book of poems, still in the exact spot the boys had left it in earlier. His finger slowly traced the faded outlines of the binding. His mind started drifting back to almost five years ago, to a warm beautiful spring afternoon in Virginia.
He had been planning something special for Doritha's fifteenth birthday and when the big day had finally arrived, he'd been both excited and nervous. He had wanted so much to buy her the perfect gift but that was easier said than done - true he was working several jobs after school and on weekends but it was for one purpose and one purpose only. His ma had just passed away and he trying to make some money to pay off her debts so he could keep the small farm that had been in her family for generations. He barely had any money to put food on the table much less waste it on something frivolous but it was important that he do this for her. Her father would have bought her the book of love poems if she'd asked him to but Doritha never bothered to so Kid wanted to give it to her.
Finally he had enough to purchase the sought after item and had even asked for it to be gift-wrapped. Kid had arranged for Doritha to meet him by the hollow log at the pond, their pond as she called it. On his way to the meeting spot, dressed in the best clothes he possessed, he couldn't help but feel disappointed that he couldn't do more for her. Passing a neighboring estate, similar to her family's, he paused at the sight of the dogwood trees lining the entrance to the property.
Not seeing anyone in sight, Kid quickly climbed over the fence and picked the largest flower he could find. He then made his way to the pond, only to stop in his tracks at the sight before him. There was Doritha dressed in the prettiest yellow dress he'd ever seen, hair curled and hanging down her back. And next to her was a blanket laid out with the most incredible looking food he would ever have the privilege of eating. He felt ashamed for a moment that she had to provide the food but quickly put the thought aside as he went to her.
From behind his back he pulled out the dogwood flower and presented it to her. He had laughed as she took it in her delicate hand, smelled it's beauty then gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek as a thank you. They enjoyed their time together, eating, talking and holding hands while they walked along the edge of the pond. Kid then directed her back to the blanket where, once they were seated again, he presented her with her birthday present.
Doritha tore open the package and gasped at the book in her hands. She knew what it cost and that Kid didn't have money of that sort but when she glanced at him, she knew better than to ask him how he'd been able to afford it, it would have hurt his ego too much. So instead, she gave him a hug and another kiss, this time on the lips.
That kiss turned into another and another and pretty soon they were lying on the blanket as hands wanted to wander to other places. Kid was brought back to reality and sat her up. He had another important item to take care of that day and didn't want to put it off any longer. She looked at him in confusion as he struggled through one of the hardest things he'd had to say in his young life and saw the tears that quickly came to her eyes.
He was leaving Virginia and leaving her. Kid wanted to go west, start a new life. He had finally accepted the fact that he couldn't stay around there any longer, even if she was there. There were just too many bad memories that he needed to get away from. So he told her he would have to relinquish the farm because there was no way he could earn that much money.
They had then argued as she said she'd get him the money he needed so he could come back one day and reclaim the land for his own. After much protesting, he accepted then taking her in his arms, Kid made a solemn promise that when he had settled somewhere and had a good job earning decent money, he would send for her so they could be together forever.
She had accepted his promise and sealed the deal by putting her flower in the book of poems and closing the pages on it, saying she was preserving their love for one another until the day when they could be together again. Doritha said she would always keep that book close to her heart, since it was full of hope and promise.
Kid sat up and blinked, trying to erase the images from his mind. What he'd said had just been words, appropriate to the situation at hand, thus quickly forgotten, but to her they were so much more.
Oblivious to the rays of sun now floating onto the table and across the floor, he rose and taking the book headed out the door, without so much as a look behind him. He quickly saddled Katy, knowing he had to take care of this right away, it was the proper thing to do. He owed her that much. Kid put the book in his saddlebag and slung it over the saddle then just as he put his foot in the stirrup, he paused as he realized that although this was important, there was something more important he had to do first.
He headed straight to the bunkhouse and was relieved to see the person he was seeking sitting by herself on the steps.
Lou had woken up as the first rays of light streamed into the room and turning over was surprised to find Kid sitting at the table instead of sleeping in his bunk. She had watched him for several minutes, as he didn't move anything except the hand running over the surface of the book. He had seemed so lost in thought she hadn't wanted to surprise him by acknowledging she was awake but had been taken off guard as she saw him suddenly get up and leave, taking the book with him.
It hurt her a little that he wasn't confiding in her but she also knew how important it was to try to take care of things on your own. Seeing that the rest of the boys hadn't even noticed the missing book, she decided not to mention it and left the room so they could dress without a lady present.
She had just sat down on the steps when she saw Kid approaching.
He made his way to her and stood leaning against the post looking down at her. "Hey, Lou," he said softly.
"Hey yourself," she answered. "You alright?" She couldn't help but ask although she had told herself repeatedly that she would leave him alone until he came to her.
Kid nodded. "I will be, just as soon as I take care of something but I needed to talk to you first." He moved to sit next to her and started fidgeting with his hands, not sure how to say it.
Lou reached over to still his hands, enclosing her fingers around his larger ones. "What is it, Kid? I hope you know you can tell me anything." She looked into his eyes, searching for something and was relieved when she saw the familiar glint of love surfacing.
"I do know that and I appreciate it." He paused then gathering up his courage, continued, "Lou, I just want you to know that I may not always remember to buy you presents or give you flowers. But I give you my solemn word that I will only make a promise to you when I know I can keep it. And I promise to always be there for you and to always love you."
Not taking her eyes off him, Lou instantly knew he was talking about the package from yesterday and that it involved his past, a past he was trying to make condolences for.
"Kid, that means more to me than anything you could ever buy me. I love you too." She moved her hand and gently caressed his cheek. "I'll be waiting when you get back."
He grinned and gave her a kiss on the cheek then walked back to his waiting horse. He glanced back at the woman who held his heart, the only woman who had ever really held it, then rode out of the yard.
Kid rode with a destination in mind and didn't stop until he arrived there. Now he found himself standing in the middle of the small Rock Creek cemetery, holding the book of poems in his hand. He looked down at the cross below him, reading the words Doritha Simmons Maxwell with heaviness in his heart. Noting the dates on the cross, he was saddened at the thought that she hadn't been allowed to live a full life like she should have.
He knelt down and tentatively touched the dirt before him. "I'm sorry, Doritha," he said out loud, looking at the cross as he spoke. "I'm sorry I disappointed you so much and wasn't the man you wanted me to be. I just couldn't be. I'm afraid I used you all those years ago, used you as an escape from the life I was forced to live."
"But I did care for you," he continued, quickly adding, "I really did, just not the same way you cared for me. I had no idea my promise meant so much to you, not until I saw the book I gave you. I should have known and I'm sorry about that too. It's so worn out, the book I mean, you must have read it all the time, waiting for me to send word to you, thinking about the future we would have together. A future I knew was never meant to be. This book gave you false hope and that wasn't my intention, I hope you knew that."
"I hope that it did make you happy, even if it was for a little while, because that's all I ever wanted for you." He paused and looked at the book. "I think it did or you wouldn't have kept it all these years. Thank you for sending it to me, I needed to see it. It woke me up, made me realize how valuable words and even a simple gesture are. I'll never take them for granted again. I'm glad I got to see you again, real glad, and I'll never forget the time we had together."
Kid started to dig a shallow hole in front of the cross and when he was done, he said to her, "Doritha, this belongs with you. I gave it to you because I cared for you and I want you to keep it. It gave you something I couldn't. I'll never forget all you've done for me, then and more importantly now." He placed the book in the hole and covered it with dirt.
He stood and gave the gravesite one last look then turned to go. Before he got more than two feet, Kid turned around and whispered, "Bye, Doritha." He then walked to his horse and rode back to the one person he knew would be part of his future, the future he'd always hoped to have, and it was his past that made him realize just how important hope is.
The End