He had no idea of what a young woman wanted out of life, but he expected she wanted a nice place to live, friends and maybe a young man courting her. Emma had been upset with him earlier, claiming that he didn’t listen or ask what Rawnie wanted, but he wasn’t sure on how to do that.

She seemed like a determined young lady and it was obvious she was not happy being at the station. She had probably expected more than this. He didn’t know what her mother had told her about Logan, but he was quite sure it wasn’t the truth. Logan had his moment when he could be a real charmer and he had been a handsome fellow. Teaspoon had always said he had got the looks in the family. He could have been anything, had he not been so angry at life and everything around him.

Teaspoon sighed where he sat on his cot and reluctantly placed the few items back in the box. It was late and most of the riders were either in bed or playing cards in the bunkhouse. The late night card games were something Teaspoon had failed to stop. It was normally initiated by Cody or Jimmy, but as Teaspoon stepped out of his shack, there was only a feeble light coming from the bunkhouse and he hoped this wasn’t a card game night. He hated having to yell at the riders for taking naps during the day instead of doing their chores. He took out a cigarette and finding a suitable place he sunk down by the wall, enjoying its smoke. Sitting in the shadows, he was almost invisible and, deep in thought, he sat in silence.

***

Rawnie was feeling lonely.

She knew the others thought she was a spoiled brat, since she didn’t help out at the station, but then nobody had asked her had they? She felt somewhat bad because she had yelled at Ike, but he had no right meddling in her problems. Why did he even care? It wasn’t as if she would be staying.

She sat by the window in the guestroom in Emma’s house and stared out over the yard. She saw a soft light in the bunkhouse and wondered what they were doing. She felt like an outcast. She didn’t belong here. She would never be a part of their life, so why was she wishing she were with them? Was it because there was real friendship among the riders, bonds that she never had had herself and a trust that her mother would have called foolish. “Trust only get you pain,” she had said on numerous occasions and Rawnie had remembered it.

Rawnie felt as if a belt were tightening over her chest. It didn’t matter how many times she told herself not to get attached. She desperately wanted them to like her; she wanted Teaspoon to like her. Nobody had ever cared much for her and despite her somewhat tough attitude she felt like a lost little girl inside.

Grabbing the coat from the chair, she tiptoed out of the house. She needed fresh air and a break from her depressing thoughts. She would leave soon, anyway, to that family in Boulder or wherever. She already knew what it would be like. They would look on her as a charity case and expect her to be grateful. And when they found out where she came from, they would throw her out. She had been there before.

She walked with quick steps through Emma’s garden and watched the open plains. She wanted to take a long walk, but she was scared for what the open plains hid during the night. Besides, she could get lost. She bit her lower lip. Maybe a quick walk around the barn would help her collect her thoughts.

She set off at a quick pace, but she hadn’t walked further than the corral when she stopped. She wasn’t alone. Buck was standing in the corral; gently caring for the horse they had been breaking earlier. Rawnie had no wish to speak to anybody, and was just about to turn around when Buck turned his head and saw her.

Rawnie stood frozen to the ground not sure of what to do. It felt stupid to turn around now that he had seen her and she didn’t know what she would say if he said something to her. So she just stood there, waiting to see what he did. Buck turned to the horse and gave her a final pat and, with what seemed like a sigh, he walked up to where Rawnie stood by the fence.

“It’s a bit late to be up, isn’t it?” he asked curtly. He had intended to sound friendly, but Rawnie’s gruff behavior towards Ike had left him angry.

“That goes for you too then,” Rawnie retorted.

Buck looked at her with a frown.

“Why were you mad at Ike earlier?” he asked. “He hasn’t done anything to you. He was just trying to be friendly.”

“I didn’t ask for him to be friendly.” Rawnie turned to walk away, when Buck reached out and placed his hand on her arm. She turned her head and looked sternly at him.

“Why are you always so angry?” he asked. “We haven’t done anything to you.”

“Of course not,” she said. “Don’t worry, I won’t be staying long. Then you all can go back to be your own happy little family.”

“You’re leaving?” Buck hadn’t heard anything about that and was a bit surprised. He let his hand slide from her arm.

“Well, you didn’t think I would stay here forever, did you? I know when I’m not wanted.” Rawnie turned away from him and left.

Buck watched after her, her words remaining in his mind. They reminded him of how he felt just before he left the Kiowa. For a second, he felt for her, knew how hard it was not to feel wanted, but then he remembered how badly she had treated Ike. He shrugged and walked back to the bunkhouse.

***

Teaspoon took a deep breath. He had forgotten to breathe. First he had only seen Buck caring for the horse and had smiled at the horsemanship the boy had been taught by the Kiowa. Teaspoon also took pride in the gentle handling he observed, satisfied that whatever anger had fuelled his younger brother didn’t seem to be present in the son. He hadn’t wanted to disturb the moment between man and horse, so he had leaned back into the shadows.

Since he hadn’t heard Rawnie approach, he hadn’t noticed her until Buck had walked up to her. Teaspoon’s blood froze. He had watched them talk but he was too far away to hear any words. He had seen Buck’s hand on Rawnie’s arm and from that moment he stopped thinking. Part of him tried to be reasonable and he told himself there was probably a natural explanation to the nightly meeting. But another part of him saw something else, a secret meeting between a boy and a girl and suddenly he was taken back several years to when life had been less troublesome and there had been love in every girl’s smile.

He had known the tug of a young heart and no matter how he tried to convince himself he had been mistaken; he could not remove the knot in his stomach. The uncertainty continued to grow as he ended his cigar and went to bed. He tossed and turned as the doubts assailed him. Finally he came to the conclusion that the reason for their meeting didn’t matter. The suspicion was enough. Somehow he had to prevent them from meeting, if for nothing else than to stop things from escalating, to stop them from falling in love. And he had to do it without telling them the truth. Without telling them they were brother and sister.

He suddenly wished that he had the answer from the family in Boulder in his hand. He would hate to send his niece away, but it was for the best, all things considered. For a second, he thought about telling them the truth, but the terrified face of Buck’s mother appeared in his mind. How could he tell Buck that he was the one who had brought his brother to Kiowa land, that it was his brother who had committed the act of violence that had resulted in Buck’s mother’s shame and the boy’s birth?

He couldn’t.

He took a deep shivering breath. He needed to think clearly, but all his thoughts were muddled. ‘Just get a few hours of sleep,’ he thought to himself, as he finally gave up and closed his eyes.

Maybe everything would look better in the morning.