She had lost everything.

The small hope of a family or, at least, somebody who cared for her was gone. It was ironic, in some way. She had come here in hope of getting some money – not to really find a family. She had refused to admit even to herself that she needed anybody and now, when she realized she did, she had played a stupid game and lost the possibility.

‘How would anybody ever be able to trust or even like her now?’ She had never intended to tell Mrs. Shannon so much, nor had she intended for her to get so riled up. She sat on her bed with her knees drawn up to her cheek. She was shivering. She heard the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and she prepared herself for the worse.

“Rawnie?”

There was an apologetic tone to Teaspoon’s voice and Rawnie was confused. She had expected him to be angry with her. Slowly she got to her feet and walked to the door. Standing next to it, she hesitated.

“Yes?” she asked through the closed door.

Teaspoon sighed as the door remained closed. He glanced towards the first floor where he could hear Emma making coffee. Emma would not let him get out of talking to Rawnie, so he might just get the whole thing over with.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he begun. “I didn’t mean what I said – it’s just that…” he hesitated. “Rawnie, it would really help if you would open the door,” he sighed. When there was no reply from the other side he tried something else. “Emma’s making coffee downstairs. I would really like for you to come down and talk to us. Please?”

Slowly the door opened and he could make out a pale face looking wearily at him.

“You’re not mad at me then?” Rawnie asked as she slowly left her room.

“Of course not, honey,” Teaspoon said somewhat relieved. “Now let’s get downstairs and get that cup of coffee right?”

***

For a few minutes Teaspoon, Emma and Rawnie sat in silence, sipping their coffee. Rawnie glanced occasionally at the others until Emma decided it was time to break the silence.

“I believe Mr. Spoon has something important to tell you,” she said and Teaspoon cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, but I had my reasons you see,” he began. “It’s about your father.”

“You said he was dead,” Rawnie said with a frown.

“He is. This is about something that happened before you were born,” Teaspoon continued and inhaled. “What I’m gonna tell ain’t gonna be easy but you need to hear it.”

Slowly, but to the point, he told a perplexed Rawnie of his and Logan’s trading with the Indians and what had happened that painful day so many years ago. It was after that that Rawnie’s patience gave out.

“So he was a scoundrel,” she said. “I already kind of figured that out – so what has all of this to do with me?”

“It hasn’t so much to do with you as it has to do with Buck,” Teaspoon replied softly. “You see the result of my brother’s actions that day is Buck.”

For a few moments Rawnie just stared at him. Then she rose from the table and rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Stunned, Teaspoon could hear a door slam shut from above and he feared that he was too late in telling the girl the truth. He slowly began to rise.

“I should have told her earlier,” he muttered, “damn stupid of me not to…”

“Sit down,” Emma ordered. “I’ll go and talk to her. And get a grip of yourself, Teaspoon, things are never as bad as they seemed.”

“What are you going to do?” Teaspoon asked, appreciating the option to leave everything in Emma’s capable hands.

“Well, first of all I’m gonna think with my head instead of my heart. I suggest you try and do the same.”

***

Rawnie had never felt so confused in all of her life.

First their was a sickening feeling of how close she had come to kissing her brother, secondly she felt relief over knowing why Teaspoon’s reaction had been so strong, thirdly she felt a strange, exhilarating feeling of knowing why she had felt connected to Buck, and then the scary feeling of what would happen next.

She wasn’t sure which feeling she would give into. She had a brother – well, a half brother, but still a brother. He had never known their father either. His mother had also been abused and hurt by the man who had fathered them both.

But there the similarities ended, she realized with a sigh. Where Buck seemed to have had a loving family around him, her own mother had been more than absent during her own upbringing. When the others found out she had grown up as a thief and her mother as a mere prostitute, no family connection in the world would matter.

Still there was hope.

Teaspoon had showed a genuine concern for her and Buck had been friendly. Pacing her room, she didn’t notice Emma until she almost walked into her.

“Emma,” she stuttered.

“It’s all right,” Emma assured her. “Sit down,” she suggested and sat on the bed. “I know this must be unsettling for you,” she began.

“I almost kissed him,” Rawnie frowned and shuddered. “I couldn’t understand why I liked him, but somehow it felt wrong so I didn’t, but…”

Emma just smiled and placed an arm around her shoulders. “Then everything is all right,” she confirmed. “It’s only natural you should feel something. Come to think of it, in some ways you’re quite alike.”

“We are?” Rawnie asked in surprise.

Emma nodded. “I haven’t thought of it until now,” she admitted, “but it’s there. Small gestures, that sort of thing.”

“It feels weird,” Rawnie admitted having calmed down some by Emma’s presence. “Emma, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Emma merely nodded and it encouraged Rawnie to continue.

“I lied about everything,” she confessed. “I just came here because I thought Teaspoon had money. And…”

“He told you his truth,” Emma interrupted softly, “and now I think it’s your turn to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Teaspoon asked wearily. Uncertain of his role, but determined not to let his niece down, he had walked up to the room.

“I’m not who you think I am,” Rawnie sobbed. But instead of being angry Teaspoon gently lifted her to her feet and gave her a hug.

“You’re my niece,” he whispered, “and that’s all I need to know.”

***

Later that evening, Rawnie sat by the window looking out over the plains.

So much had happened and, although she felt utterly spent, she also felt content. There were no lies between her and Teaspoon anymore. She had told him everything of her sordid past, of her mother, her own thefts and her selfish plan of robbing him of money.

To her amazement, Teaspoon had merely nodded and told her he was glad she had told him of her life and that he only wanted to make it better. She wouldn’t have to leave the station unless she wanted to. And Emma had assured her she would be involved in the daily chores around the station – enough for her to grow tired of them, as the housekeeper had said with a smile.

Rawnie opened the window and took a deep breath of the chilled evening air. There were no sounds outside except for the soft chirps of crickets. Most of the station had already gone to bed, tired after a day of chores.

Rawnie, however, couldn’t sleep. She felt restless, as if she could explode at any moment. She felt full of life and happiness over being alive and sitting in this window that she could scream. She knew that the feeling would probably be gone by tomorrow, but for now she just wanted to enjoy it. She leaned out and realized she could see the bunkhouse. Buck had returned just before supper, but she hadn’t seen him. She wondered what he would say about it.

Teaspoon had made her promise not to say anything, stating that he wanted to tell the whole story himself. She frowned at the thought. He had looked uncomfortable when talking about letting Buck know and she wondered for just how long Buck would remain in the dark. She still found it hard to think about the fact that he didn’t know. She sighed and closed the window before she climbed back in bed.

She had a brother.

It still felt unbelievable.