It's
Not Only A Man's World It's
Not Only A Man's World Author's note: I would like to thank Dani, Karen, Maria and Nina for believing in me and starting me on the road that is writing. I also want to thank Karen for being my beta
1860 Blue Creek, Nebraska Territory
Clemantine Lee Sawyer lived with her father in a small cabin on the outskirts
of Blue Creek. She was 17 years old, tall, and skinny with red hair and green
eyes. Clemmy, as her friends and family called her was an only child whose mother
had died giving birth to her. Brent Sawyer, her father, never let her forget
that her mother died bringing her into the world. Brent was a physically abusive
man and beat Clemmy so many times she forgot how it felt to not be sore or in
pain.
One afternoon Brent Sawyer came home in a foul mood. He had lost his job and was looking for some way to get his frustrations out. He walked into the cabin and spotted Clemmy. She knew that look in his eyes and started to run out the back door, but her father was too fast and he caught her. He started beating her and didn't stop until Clemmy was unconscious and bleeding profusely. He tried to wake Clemmy to no avail. Brent panicked and put Clemmy in the back of their wagon. He brought her to the town doc. "What happened Brent? Who did this to Clemmy?" Doc Harper asked. "I don't know Doc. I just found her outside the cabin like that. Can you help her doc?" Brent lied. "She looks mighty bad Brent I'll do my best." The doc said. An hour later Doc Harper came out of his examining room and said, "Brent, It looks bad. I don't think she'll make it through the night and even if she does it's not likely she'll live long after that. There's a big chance for infection." "You don't know my Clemmy, Doc. She'll make it. I know she will," Brent replied scared out of his wits that he would be found out.
Clemmy did make it through the night and recovered slowly under the doctor's care. Clemmy was scared. She had to find a way out from under her father's thumb. When Clemmy was well enough to walk and get around a bit, she decided that she had to run away and find a way to get to California where her aunt and uncle had a ranch. Clemmy knew her mother's sister would let her stay with them until she could find a place of her own. One thing Clemmy decided was that she had to find some way that her father couldn't track her down. She had heard Doc Harper talking to a patient about the Pony Express starting up. Clemmy was a natural on a horse. It was like she was born and raised on one. Her father had taught her how to shoot so she was a dead shot. For once something her father had taught her would help her in her life.
One day while her father was at the saloon she made her way back to the cabin she had lived in since birth. Clemmy took the money she had been hiding in a tin in the kitchen. Then she went into her father's old trunk where he had kept some old clothes that didn't have much wear. Clemmy put some on and put the rest in a potato sack. She threw a few things that she had of her mother's and the gun she had learned to shoot with in the sack. Then she took a pair of sewing scissors and cut her hair short. Clemmy found her father's old hat and threw it on her head. She headed out to the barn where her horse, Bullet, was. Clemmy saddled him and tied the potato sack to the back of the saddle and mounted up. "Come on Bullet let's get out of here," Clemmy said kicking him into motion and riding off to a new life.
Clem, as she was now called, was hired on to the Pony Express in Sweetwater. She and 6 other riders were to live there and go on runs from that station. Clem shied away from the other riders much like the one who called himself Lou. He was small, but a great rider and hard worker. Clem thought there was something funny about Lou though.
One day the boys were hanging around the bunkhouse porch talking about the pretty girls in town. Cody was going on about how much he loved a girl named Rose Tyler. "I'm in love," Cody said with stars in his eyes. "Rose Tyler and me were meant for each other." Lou looked at Cody and said, "Yeah, sure." Cody looked at Lou and said, "You're just jealous Lou because you're so scrawny you'll never get a girl. Except one that's ugly and desperate." Lou's face turned red and he jumped up from the porch stairs and ran into the barn. "Cody, you are such an idiot," Clem said as she clipped him in the back of the head. Then Clem headed into the barn to check on Lou.
Lou was in the hayloft when Clem found him. Lou was crying so much he didn't hear Clem climb the ladder and pop her head over the top to see how he was. What Clem saw broke her heart. Lou was curled up in a ball crying his eyes out - a thing a boy didn't often do around here. It was then Clem realized that maybe she was not the only one with a secret. "Lou?' Clem said as she approached him. Lou looked up with a stunned look on his face. He tried to wipe the tears away but they kept on coming. "I guess you're gonna tell all the guys about this." Lou said. "Why would I do that?" Clem asked. Clem walked up to Lou and sat next to him. "I think you and me are in the same boat, Lou. Do you understand my meanin'? If you are who I think you are, we may have somethin' in common." Lou looked like a wave of relief had rushed over him. "You sayin' what I think you're sayin'?" Lou questioned the person before him. "I'm afraid so," Clem said. Clem stuck out her hand to Lou and said, "Pleased to meet you. My name is Clemantine Lee Sawyer. What's your real name?" Lou looked around and said very quietly, "Louise Mary McCloud." The two girls giggled and told their life stories to one another. When they were done they had become very close friends. Clem told Lou what she thought about the boys, and who was the most handsome. "Buck? Yeah he is handsome but I think Kid has a nice face, beautiful blue eyes and a sweet smile. Jimmy's not bad either and Ike is the kindest soul. Cody, however, is a buffoon with a pea for a brain!" Lou exclaimed. They both burst out laughing. Now that they had each other to talk to and share secrets with they both thought things were going to be a lot easier around here.
When Lou went on her first run, she was shot by bushwhackers stealing the horses and supplies of the Express Station she rode into to change horses. The thieves got away with the mochilla and all the horses including Kid's horse, Katy. They left Lou for dead. Kid rode up to the station and found that Lou had been shot and brought her into the cabin to look at her wound. It was then that Kid found out Lou's secret. He promised to keep her secret. Lou kept mum about Clem's secret knowing it wasn't hers to tell. The riders tracked the thieves to their camp. After a tense standoff with the criminals, Ike arrived with The Beckwith Volley Guns Kid had asked him to get from the Sweetwater station. Then Clem, Lou and the boys shot the thieves camp to smithereens and took them into Sweetwater to Marshal Cain. That night after dinner Clem saw Lou and Kid talking. When she saw them kiss she knew there was going to be trouble. Clem confronted Lou behind the barn. "Lou I saw you kissing' Kid. I assume he knows." "Clem," Lou said with a smile on her face. "Yes, Kid knows and no, I did not tell him about you. I would never tell. You're my best friend. I never had a best friend before. Do you think I want to lose you over a boy?" Lou said sternly. Clem got a look of surprise on her face. "I ain't never had a best friend either. I would never tell about your secret. Thanks for keeping mine," Clem said with a relieved tone in her voice. "So tell me what was it like to kiss Kid? I never kissed a boy before," Clem said wistfully. "It was like nothin' I ever felt before. It was real nice and soft. Warm too. I wish we could do it again." Lou said with a far off look on her face. "Don't worry someday soon you'll get your first kiss and you'll know what it's like too."
As the weeks passed, the riders grew closer together and made bonds that would never be broken. Kid had kept his promise to Lou and kept her secret. Clem's secret never came into question again between the two girls. Life went on at the station. They had gunfights, Jimmy almost hung for a murder he didn't commit and a woman arrived claiming to be Teaspoon's daughter he never knew about. Turned out she was a con artist, but she told the truth and helped take down her partner in the end and now she was part of the family.
Clem had to avoid taking showers with anyone around so most of the time she stunk to high heaven. One day she was fed up with being dirty and decided that she was going to take a shower. She waited until everyone was either on a run or in town getting supplies. Then she went to the shower Teaspoon had rigged up behind the bunkhouse. She got in stripped down and pulled the chain letting the water wash over her. While she was showering, Buck came back from an extremely hard run. He didn't even go to get clean clothes knowing he was the only one there. He was so tired that he didn't realize there was someone in the shower until he opened it. Standing there in all her glory was Clem. They both screamed at the same time. Clem grabbed the towel from the side of the shower and tried to cover herself. She knew Buck got a good eyeful of her. Buck stumbled backward, closed the door, and ran into the bunkhouse and collapsed on his bunk. 'Was that Clem?' He thought to himself. 'Clem said his name was Clemant. How could he be a girl, and me not notice? I notice everything! I have a sixth sense about people. Why didn't I see that Clem was a girl?' Buck thought frantically. "I'm in big trouble," Buck said to himself when he thought of the temper Clem had. He had to get out of there and fast before Clem came in. Buck headed out to the barn like a scared rabbit. Meanwhile, all kinds of thought were whirling through Clem's mind. 'OH SHOOT! He saw me! What am I going to do? I know I can trust Buck like Lou trusts Kid. He's a very trustworthy person. He's noble and honorable. He won't tell, will he?' "Boy, I'd better get in there before he lets it slip that I'm not what they think I am," Clem said to herself.
Clem got dressed as quickly as possible and made her way to the bunkhouse to look for Buck, but he wasn't there. She knew he had to be in the barn so she headed out there. When she walked up to the door, she heard Buck muttering something in what she thought was Kiowa. 'He must be really shocked if he's reverted back to his native language,' Clem thought to herself. "Buck?" Clem called out. The muttering stopped. Buck wanted the earth to open and swallow him whole. It's not like he hadn't seen a naked woman before. He had seen his brother's wife when they would get ready to sleep at night. It was natural in the Kiowa culture. But somehow seeing Clem standing there with her creamy freckled skin and long legs made things stir inside him he had never felt before. He had to stop thinking like this. It wasn't right. "Buck, I know you're in here," Clem said when she got no response. Clem was getting angry and started to walk around the barn. "Buck, you answer me this instant, or I swear I'll shoot you when I find you." Knowing that that was no idle threat, Buck called out to her from the hayloft, "I'm up here Clem." Clem climbed the ladder, and found Buck sitting against the far wall staring straight ahead not looking at Clem. Clem walked over and sat beside Buck much like she had Lou all those months before. Buck was still staring straight ahead. "Buck, would you look at me?" Clem asked. Buck just shook his head. "Damnit, Buck, look at me!" When Buck didn't look at her, she placed both her hands on the sides of his face and turned his head. The look in his eyes was indescribable. Buck was looking at Clem's features trying to see why he hadn't seen it before. Now he saw it: the green eyes the color of emeralds, the small turned up nose, the gentle look about her at that moment and those lips - those rose bud lips. Then as they were looking into each others eyes, it happened. They both leaned in and kissed one another in a very tender kiss. After a few seconds, they both pulled back and looked at each other. "How did I miss it?" Buck said with a dreamy look in his eye. "You're beautiful, and we all missed it," Buck exclaimed. "What's your real name? Clemant can't be your real name." "No, it isn't. I have a silly name," Clem said embarrassed. "Please will you tell me? I won't laugh," Buck promised. It's Clemantine Lee Sawyer. My family calls me Clemmy. My dad named me after that stupid song; you know, "My Darlin' Clementine". But, my dad spelled it wrong he put an 'a' where an 'e' should be." Buck just smiled and said, "I like your name. It has a ring to it." Clem just smiled. "Did you just call me beautiful, Buck?" Clem asked with tears in her eyes. "Yes, I did. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met." At that Clem began to cry in earnest. "Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" Buck asked concern in his voice. "No. It's just my dad used to always say I was ugly and looked like I had dirt across my face because of my freckles and hair the color of the side of the barn. He said no man would ever want me 'cause I was a skinny dirty lookin' good for nothin'. He never forgave me for my mom dyin' on account of me bein' born," Clem sniffed. Buck took her in his arms, held her close, and told her she was nothing like her father had said. Clem cried for the first time she could remember in a long time. It felt good to have this wonderful man hold her, and tell her she was worth something. "Buck?" Clem finally said. "You won't tell anyone that I'm a girl will you. I can't lose this job." "Your secret is safe with me, Clemmy." Buck said with conviction.
As the days passed Buck had a hard time not thinking about Clem and the kiss they shared. He stayed awake at night staring at Clem in her bunk and thought what it would be like to really kiss her. Buck had never felt this way about a girl before and didn't know how to go about being alone with Clem without the others asking why they were alone together. He didn't want Clem's secret to get out because he was careless. At the same time Buck was thinking about Clem she was thinking about Buck. She couldn't stop thinking how strong his arms were when he held her and how safe she felt. Clem had never felt safe in her entire life because of her father's beatings and the way he berated her. So many times she had prayed for someone to come along and make her feel safe. Buck made her feel safe. Buck's arms were Clem's safe place.
Eventually Buck got up the courage to ask Clem to go on a run that needed two guns. It would be a three day run and they would need to stay over in Grand Junction for a night to wait for the package going back to Sweetwater. Clem wasn't sure at first, but then after a talk with Lou who reassured her that Buck was a gentleman, and that they could get separate rooms, Clem then agreed to go with Buck on the run.
The run was an easy one. As Buck and Clem rode into Grand Junction they went to drop off the package they had. The man they gave it to said it would be about a day or two for the return package to be ready. Buck looked at Clem and gave her a crooked smile. They hadn't been expecting to stay in Grand Junction for that amount of time. They headed to the livery to put up their horses. After taking care of their horses they made their way to the hotel in town. "We'd like two rooms please," Buck told the clerk. "I'm sorry mister but I only have one left," the clerk answered. "You could room together the beds mighty big. Two of you should fit just fine with plenty of room to spare," said the clerk smiling. The looks on Buck's and Clem's faces were comical. They looked at each other, and Clem shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Why not?" Buck then said, "I guess we'll take it." With that said Buck signed the register, the clerk gave them their key and they headed upstairs.
Buck had decided that he was going to make this run special for Clem. "Why don't you send for a hot bath to be brought up while I go do some errands? I'll meet you here in about an hour," Buck told Clem. She smiled and said, "I'd love to have a real bath. What errands do you have to do?" "Just something important I need to take care of," Buck said with an enigmatic smile. "Okay I'll be here when you get back," Clem answered wondering what Buck was up to. The bath was brought up. Clem got undressed and stepped into the tub. It felt heavenly. While she started to bathe, Buck was in the dress shop in town trying to explain Clem to the seamstress. He was having a bit of trouble, but she was a kind woman. They soon found a dress that would suit Clem perfectly. It was emerald green with little pink rosebuds on it. The dress had eyelet lace at the sweetheart neckline and at the sleeves. It was very simple, but very pretty. Buck also bought a straw hat with an emerald green ribbon and pink flowers on the side. Buck turned a deep shade of red as he asked the seamstress to add some under garments as well as a pair of shoes and a purse. Buck had secretly measured Clem's shoes before they left the station so he had an idea of the size. When this was all done, he went to the bath house in town and had a quick bath. He washed his hair and pulled it back in a ponytail. Buck had brought with him some clean clothes out of his saddle bags. He hoped Clem hadn't noticed him sneaking them out. Buck reached the hotel with just a couple minutes to spare. Buck knocked on the door. When he heard Clem say, "Come in," he opened the door with the packages behind his back. Buck had a huge smile on his face. Puzzled Clem looked at him and said, "What do you have behind your back?" Buck just put the packages on the bed and said, "For you." Clem looked stunned. She had never really gotten anything as a present. She opened the first package and saw the green dress Buck had gotten her. She nearly burst into tears. Growing up she always had neighbors' hand-me-downs and cast offs. When she got old enough, she started altering her mother's old dresses to fit her. Clem opened the rest of the packages. She looked at Buck and flung herself into his arms. Buck took her in his arms and kissed her softly. Clem kissed him back with fervor. When they pulled apart, they were both breathless. Clem looked into Buck eyes and said, "Thank you so much, Buck. You'll never know how much this means to me. I ain't never got a present before that I can remember. Everything is so beautiful. I can't never repay the kindness you shown to me." "I'll leave so you can put these on and we can have a day out," Buck said. Clem looked at Buck and said with a look of surprise on her face, "There's more?" "You bet there is and then some." Buck replied. "I'll meet you downstairs." "Okay, I might be a minute though." Clem answered. "That's alright I can wait." 'I can wait forever, Clemantine,' Buck thought to himself smiling.
Clem came downstairs to see a nervously waiting Buck fiddling with his hat and pacing in the lobby of the hotel. She smiled at the way he looked like a nervous suitor. Then she thought 'If things were different he could possibly be a suitor courting me.' She shook her head to get that out of her mind. 'He's not courting me. He thought I was a boy until a few months ago. He would never want me.'
Buck turned around to see Clem standing on the landing staring at him with a frown on her face. 'I hope I didn't do anything wrong or over step my bounds getting her all those girl things,' Buck thought concernedly. He walked up to the stairs and put his hand out to Clem with a smile. When he did that she was brought out of her daze; she took his hand and walked down from the landing.
"You look amazing," Buck told Clem smiling like a man that just won a million dollars. "Thank you. The dress is so beautiful. I'm afraid I might get it dirty or rip it," Clem said with apprehension. "You'll be fine. I'm sure of it."
Buck tucked Clem's hand in the crook of his arm as they made their way down the boardwalk. Clem was a sight to see. She was practically glowing she was so happy. She turned quite a few heads walking down the street in her new dress and hat, but she didn't notice a one because she only had eyes for Buck. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. She was being treated like a lady by a wonderful man. She had once thought that all she would have in store for her were her father's beatings and put downs, but now she was beginning to think that things were looking up, and that God was smiling down on her.
Buck brought her to a small restaurant where they had grilled steak, mashed potatoes with gravy and sweet green beans. Buck asked the waiter for the check. "There's another place I want to take you for dessert," Buck said with a sly grin. He paid the bill and left the tip. Then they were off again back up the boardwalk toward their destination. "I was wondering do you have a sweet tooth," Buck asked Clem with a gleam in his eye.
"I ain't never really had a chance to get one. My daddy never let me get candy at the store and he didn't know how to bake nothin'," Clem answered wondering what Buck was up to. They stopped in front of a shop with a red and white striped canopy over the door. "Buck, where are we?" Clem asked. "The place where we might get you a sweet tooth." Buck opened the door and showed her what was on display. "What is it?" Clem asked with wonderment. "It's iced cream. I had it once when I was here before on a run. It like, umm well, you'll have to decide for yourself. It's really good though. Do you trust me?" "I trust you with my life. What kind do you think I should have?" Clem asked. "The vanilla with chocolate shavings on it is good." "So I guess I'll have to try that," Clem said smiling. The clerk behind the counter came up to them and asked "What will it be, mister?" "Vanilla with choclate shavings, please." Buck said happily "Right away," replied the clerk.
Clem had never tasted anything so wonderful in her whole life. Her father wasn't much of a cook so she had to learn at an early age. Until she came to the Express she had never even had a really good tasting meal.
"Whoa! Slow down there missy. You'll get a bad headache if you eat it too fast. I learned the hard way on my last visit," Buck said laughing at Clem's extremely fast eating of the iced cream.
"Buck, this is so delicious. It's like eating a cloud with chocolate on top. How can I ever thank you enough?" Clem said excitedly.
They finished their Ice creams and paid then went out into the cool night air. As they began the walk back to the hotel, Clem put her arms around herself. "Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?" Buck asked Clem noticing she was shivering a bit. "Yes please, I aint used to wearin' dresses anymore. I forgot how chilly a person can get while wearin' one." Buck put his Jacket around Clem's shoulders. "Thank you, Buck." Clem said thinking things couldn't be any better. Buck took Clem's hand in his and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Clem blushed crimson. "Clemmy?" Buck said. Clem looked at him shocked to hear her real name after so many months. Buck looked at Clem when she didn't answer. "Clemmy, are you okay?" Buck asked. "Yes. It's just that I'm not used to hearing my real name anymore," Clem said sadly. "Do you mind if I use it? I mean when we're alone," Buck asked cautiously. "No. I like it when you call me that," Clem said suddenly smiling.
When they got to the hotel, Buck got a look of total embarrassment on his face. He had forgotten that they had to share the room upstairs. Buck took hold of Clem's shoulders and said, "Clemmy, I can go stay in the livery with the horses if you feel uncomfortable sharing the room with me. I don't mind at all." Clem bit her bottom lip for a moment while thinking. Buck thought it was incredibly cute. "Ummm I think it will be okay if you stay in the room with me. We sleep in the same room all the time anyway," Clem replied. "Alright if you're sure. You can change your mind if you feel uncomfortable later," Buck answered.
They made their way upstairs and stared at each other when they got in the room. Buck was nervous about getting undressed in front of Clem. Clem thought about sleeping in her dress but thought better of it. She didn't want it to get mussed. Suddenly Clem said, "Turn around; I'm going to get undressed and get into bed. No peekin'." Buck turned around quickly. His heart running rampant in his chest. He heard the rustling of fabric and shoes being undone. Then Clem said, "You can turn around now. I'm in bed." Buck turned around slowly and saw that Clem had ensconced herself in the covers. Buck quickly blew out all the lamps in the room and got undressed. Then he went to get a pillow and a blanket from the bed to sleep on the floor. "I'm going to sleep on the floor alright, Clemmy?" Buck said quietly. "I think that's a good idea," Clem answered. With that said both Clem and Buck fell into a fitful sleep.
Buck was awoken by the sound of a person struggling in the room. He looked up to see Clem thrashing in bed. She kept saying, "NO! Daddy, NO! Don't hit me again. DADDY! NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!" Buck was at her side in an instant. He gently took Clem's shoulders and tried to wake her up. "Clemmy, wake up. Wake up, honey. Clemmy, you're havin' a nightmare." Buck called to her over and over until she woke up. Clem was startled to see Buck there, and when she realized where she was, she grabbed hold of Buck and begged, "Buck, please hold me. Please. I'm scared." Buck sat up against the headboard of the bed, and Clem laid her head down on his bare chest. Buck asked, "Do you want to talk about it? My mother always said it helped chase away the night fears." Clem nodded into Buck's chest and told him of her father and the way he beat her all her life. "It could be anythin' that would set him off. The day he lost his job back in the beginnin' of this year he beat me so bad I almost died. I had to stay at the doctor's for weeks. When I heard about the Pony Express startin' up and was well enough to get around, I got some boy's clothes, cut my hair and left on my horse. I ended up at the station in Sweetwater where I met you, the boys, Emma and Teaspoon. My daddy's an evil man, Buck. I can never go back there. He'd kill me for sure." "I won't ever let you go back there, Clemmy. You're apart of our family now. He can't hurt you anymore. Try to go to sleep." "Thank you, Buck. You are the kindest man I ever met. Some lady is gonna be really lucky to get you as her man. I just wish it could.............." Clem had fallen off to sleep leaving Buck to wonder what she was saying when she fell asleep.
Dawn came very quickly that morning. Buck found himself in bed with Clem her hand resting on his torso and her head on his chest. She had her left leg thrown over his legs. He was kind of surprised to find them in this position. He knew that he shouldn't wake her after her nightmare last night, but he felt uncomfortable being this close with only his long john bottoms on, and her in her undergarments. He tried to move, but he was trapped. He was thinking things he had thought of only a few times in his life. He pushed the thoughts down in his mind. He decided that a few more hours sleep wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would calm him down.
Little did Buck and Clem know they were being watched by the very man Clem had had her nightmare about the night before. Brent Sawyer had come into Grand Junction the night Buck had taken Clem out to have dinner and dessert. He recognized his daughter almost immediately. Yes, her hair was short but he knew her like any father would know their child. He was shocked that the daughter he had given up for dead was in this town with a half-breed of all people. He had heard their conversation on the boardwalk in front of the hotel about having to share a room. He was enraged that that dirty injun was going to stay in the same room as his daughter. He'd make sure he'd get his daughter back home where she belonged. He just had to get her away from that heathen first. He headed to the saloon for some liquid fortification. He'd bide his time and then the girl would be back home and under lock and key. He'd take care of that injun too for putting his filthy hands on his daughter.
Buck and Clem went to see if the package they were waiting for was ready. It was so they readied their mounts and set off toward Sweetwater. Clem hadn't said much through breakfast and now they were going at a good gallop where they couldn't talk. Buck was wondering what was going through Clem's mind. He himself had thought it out thoroughly and he found he had deep feelings for Clem - deeper feeling than he had ever had for any girl before. The problem was he wasn't sure how Clem felt about him, and if he should tell her his feelings, or keep them under wraps until he was sure either way about how Clem felt. He had an inkling that she felt something, but wasn't sure if it was good or bad.
Clem and Buck got back to the station and gave the package to Teaspoon. He was pleased that they had gotten it to him so fast. "I figured it would at least be another day," Teaspoon said.
After cleaning up Clem went to find Lou. She just had to tell her about her evening with Buck. Lou was in the barn loft reading a book. "Lou?" Clem called. I'm up here, Clem," Lou said. Clem ascended the ladder to the loft and sat by Lou. "How was your run?" Lou asked. "It was amazing, Lou." Clem gushed, "Buck bought me a dress and all the under pinnings, a pair of shoes, a hat and a purse. Then he took me out to a nice restaurant, and then we went to a shop that sold what he called iced cream. It was the best night I've ever had. He was so sweet, kind, and tender. We kissed again. It was the most wonderful feelin', Lou. Just like you said. Buck's such a gentleman." "I'm glad you had such a good time with Buck," Lou said truly happy for her friend. "Lou, I have to tell you somethin' and you can't never tell anyone else, Okay?" Clem said in a serious tone. Lou nodded. Clem took a deep breath before speaking. "Buck and I couldn't get separate rooms because they only had one left. Buck slept on the floor and I slept in the bed. During the night I had a nightmare and Buck was there to wake me from it. It was a really bad nightmare. One I don't like to talk about. Buck held me and said that if I talked about it it would help. I told him that my father used to beat me and almost killed me at the beginning of this year. I told him he had been beatin' me my whole life. He just held me and let me fall asleep in his arms. He didn't make me tell him anymore than I wanted to. He's so understandin'. The next morning I woke up and I had my leg over Buck's legs and he was bare chested. Sure I've seen Buck plenty of time with nothin' but his long johns on or less but, this time was different I felt things I didn't know existed in me. I think I love him, Lou. I don't know if I should tell him or wait for him to tell me. I don't know if he even feels that way about me. All I want to do is kiss him senseless when I'm with him. I need your advice, Lou. I've never felt this way before," Clem told Lou with a plea of help in her voice.
"Wow, that is a lot to figure out, Clem!" Lou exclaimed. "First off, I'm very glad Buck was there for you and treated you right. Second, I'm so sorry you had to endure what your father put you through your whole life, but I'm glad you're here with us now and we're best friends." She smiled and then continued, " Now, to answer your question about Buck and how he feels about you. I'd have to say he thinks you're pretty special to go through all that trouble to take you out to eat lookin' like a lady. Buck isn't like the other guys at the station. He takes things slow with people. I'd have to say that Buck fancies you quite a bit and may even love you. If he's feelin' the way you're feelin' he may be scared to tell you because he's afraid of getting' hurt. Just remember Buck is quiet and keeps to himself about how he feels. It may take him some time to tell you how he feels, but then he could surprise you and tell you sooner than you think. What I'm trying to say is I really don't know what Buck will do, but if I know Buck, he'll make his intentions clear as soon as he figures them out. I wish I knew more to say. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help." Lou shrugged her shoulder, hoping her words had been of some help." "Actually you did help me some, Lou. Thanks. I think I'll wait a while and see what happens with Buck."
Meanwhile Buck sought out Teaspoon for his advice. Buck knew he had to be careful not to mention Clem's name or let on that it was someone at the station. "Teaspoon?" Buck called. "I'm over here, son," Teaspoon said from the far end of the corral. "Looks like this side of the corral is goin' to need replacin'," Teaspoon said to Buck as he approached him. "Teaspoon can I ask you for some advice?" Buck asked tentatively. "Sure, son, what's your problem?" "How do you know when you're in love with the one you want to stay with the rest of your life?" Buck asked hurriedly. "Well I never expected this to come from one of you boys so soon. Honestly I can say I have not found the woman I want to stay with the rest of my life. I thought I had it a few times but it never panned out. To the best of my knowledge you know you're in love when you can't stop thinkin' about them, you want to kiss them all the time and they fill your heart with so much love you think it'll burst," Teaspoon said knowingly. After a brief pause he grinned. "Is there a special girl you're thinkin' of in particular?" Teaspoon asked with curiosity. "Yes, but you don't know her; she's new in town," Buck lied. "Well, I'm happy for you, Buck. Maybe you could bring her by for supper some night," Teaspoon offered. "I'm not sure we're quite ready for that yet, Teaspoon," Buck lied again. "Well, she's welcome anytime. Now, let's get the boys and start workin' on this part of the corral." Buck knew after that talk that Clem was the one for him, and he had no doubts in his mind about it.
Clem had the first run of the day. It was a short ride to Blue Creek and she would be back that afternoon. Buck had thought about how he was going to tell Clem how he felt about her and decided he would tell her after breakfast, before her run. Clem was readying her horse, Bullet, for her run when Buck approached her and asked if they could talk. "Clem I have something I want to tell you," Buck stated. "Sure, Buck, what do you have to tell me?" Clem asked concerned because nothing good ever came from those words. "Clemmy, I wanted to tell you that I had a wonderful time with you in Grand Junction. I also wanted to tell you that I have strong feelings for you. I would like, if you would let me, to court you. I know it wouldn't be a proper courtship, but I would like to see where our relationship will go. If it goes to marriage, I would love you with my whole heart and keep you safe and try to give you a good life. What I'm trying to say is I love you, Clemantine, and want to be with you forever." Buck said all this in a hurried manner trying to get it all out before he lost his nerve. Clem looked at Buck with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. Just as Clem was about to tell Buck that she feels the same way, they heard Teaspoon yell, "Rider Up, Clem!" All Clem could do was say to Buck, "Can we talk later?" Buck just nodded his head, and Clem was off on her run. "Ride safe, my love," Buck whispered. Then he went to finish his chores a little concerned that Clem didn't feel the same way.
Clem was on her way back from Blue Creek when she felt a rope go around her and pull her off her horse. She fell with a sickening thud onto the hard ground. Clem sat up slowly and turned her head just in time to see a fist coming at her; making a connection with her chin. That's when Clem saw her father's face. He yanked her up off the ground tying the rope around her and put her on her horse. "Well, well, well, if it isn't my daughter Clemmy lookin' like a boy and riding for the Pony Express. You must be real full of yerself, girl. Thinkin' you can act and pretend to be a boy when you and nothin' better than a saloon whore," Brent said as he gagged her with her neckerchief and started heading back toward Blue Creek. All Clem could do was hope that when she didn't return to the station Buck would come looking for her before her father could beat her too much.
When Clem didn't return by supper time, Buck was a nervous wreck. He couldn't eat a bite of his food and when he was not at the supper table he was pacing on the bunkhouse porch. Only Lou knew why Buck was so agitated. Lou was worried herself. Clem always did this run in record time and with her being this late something had to be wrong. Lou had to make a decision that could change her life at the station forever. "Buck, can I talk to you for a minute?" Lou asked "Sure, Lou, what is it?" Buck said absentmindedly. Buck and Lou walked over to the far corral so no one could hear. "Buck, I know Clem's secret," Lou stated. "What? How? Did she tell you?" Buck questioned Lou shocked by this admission. "I knew before you knew. The only reason I found out is because I have the same secret," Lou confessed. Buck looked at Lou like he was seeing her for the first time. He finally saw what he couldn't see before. How could he not have noticed? He figured that with him keeping Clem's secret he didn't have time to figure out Lou was a girl too. "You're a girl too? Does anybody else know that you're a girl?" Buck asked. "Umm yeah Kid knows," Lou said apprehensively as she looked down at her shoes. "I assume you know how I found out about Clem?" Buck asked very embarrassed. Lou smiled and said, "Yes Clem told me." Lou giggled at how red Buck face was getting. "I worried Lou. She should have been back by now," Buck said in a grave tone. "I'm worried too. Do you think we should go after her?" Lou queried. "The moons still pretty full and there are no clouds so I think I could track her," Buck said with determination. "When do we leave?" Lou said. "In ten minutes. Can you be ready by then?" Buck said. "Heck, I was ready an hour ago," Lou said trying to lighten the mood. Ten minutes later Buck and Lou were riding out of the station yard on their way to Blue Creek.
Clem's father took her to a shack in the woods near Blue Creek. Once there he had beaten her until she passed out. Then he tied her up to a chair in the middle of the shack and was shaking her violently to wake her up. "Wake up girl!" he yelled. Clem started to come to. "Since ya like Injuns so much I thought ya would like to spend some time with some of them," her father growled. Clem looked around to see a gang of renegade Indians standing in the shack. She suddenly was very frightened at hearing what her father had said. Clem started to fight her bindings. Trying to yell past her gag. "Ya like the feel of an Injuns hand so much? You're goin' to be their whore until they are done with ya and then they'll kill ya," he father screamed as he struck Clem over and over again. The leader of the renegade Indians was not pleased that her father was beating the woman he would be buying in trade. He stopped Mr. Sawyer and said in very rough English. "The deal is off. I will not take a beaten woman that will be no good to me or my warriors." With that said the renegade Indians left with out another word. "Well I guess that plan went south but, I have another idea to punish you. I'll just beat ya until you're dead and then throw ya body in a wash somewhere's and no one will be the wiser." Her father said with a crazed look in his eye. Clem looked at her father from under her swollen eyelids. She knew she was going to die this time. It was night and no one would be able to find her. She saw for the first time that her father was indeed crazy and most likely always had been. Her father started hitting her again and her last conscious thought was of Buck and how much she loved him.
Buck and Lou had tracked Clem's horse and another horse to a small valley when he saw a band of Indians coming their way. The two groups stopped and Buck asked if he had seen an girl with hair like fire and another around here. The leader told them what happened in the cabin and swiftly left. Buck and Lou galloped full out to get to the cabin. When they reached it, they saw Mr. Sawyer dragging Clem's lifeless body out of the cabin and onto the back of his horse. Lou fired a warning shot to get his attention. He promplty pulled his gun and pointed it at Clem's head. "She ain't dead yet but she will be, Injun, if ya come any closer," Clem's father growled in an insane way. The sun was starting to come over the horizon and the glare of the new day was in Mr. Sawyer's eyes. He tried to shield his eyes against the glare. That's when Buck saw his opportunity to save Clem. Buck slowly reached for his knife on his boot, took aim and threw it at Mr. Sawyer's chest. Mr. Sawyer didn't have time to react. The knife went directly into his chest and he fell over dead. Lou and Buck rushed over to Clem and got her off the horse. She was very badly beaten and was unconscious. Lou felt for a pulse while Buck held her in his arms with tears falling from his eyes. "Buck, she's alive, but her breathing is shallow. We need to get her to a doctor," Lou said frantically. Buck and Lou managed to make a travois and got Clem to the doctor in Blue Creek. They put Mr. Sawyer's body over his horse and took him into town too. "Who did this to Clemmy?" the doctor asked Buck and Lou. "Her father. He was going to kill her so I had to kill him. I had no choice," Buck said grief stricken that he had just killed Clemmy's father. "I had a feeling he was the one doing this to her, but I didn't have any solid proof to take to the sheriff," said the doctor as he started working on saving Clemmy's life. Later that morning Doc Harper came out into his waiting room to two very anxious riders. "Clemmy has a lot of bruising and cuts. Her left arm is broken and she has a terrible concussion. She is awake however. She's been asking for Buck. Are one of you Buck?" The doctor said looking from Lou to Buck. "I'm Buck. Can I go in and see her?" Buck asked hoping that the doctor would say yes. "Yes. Go right in, Buck. She'll be happy to see you, but don't stay too long," the doctor cautioned. Buck entered the room Clem was in. He walked over to the bed and almost started sobbing. Her face was so swollen and bruised he could hardly recognize her. He sat down on the chair beside her bed and took her right hand in his. "Clemmy, can you hear me?" Buck asked. Clemmy opened her eyes and saw Buck and smiled. "I knew you would find me. I saw my grandma she said everything was goin' to be okay because you were on your way to find me. She told me I had to hold on so we could be together one day as man and wife and have many babies," Clem told Buck. "Where's my dad? Is he in the jail?" Clemmy asked. "Clemmy, I have some bad news. Your father's dead and I was the one that killed him. He was going to shoot you and I took a chance and threw my knife in his chest. I'm so sorry, Clemmy." Buck said almost crying. "Oh, Buck, thank you for savin' me. I know you did what you had to do to protect me. I saw yesterday that my father was crazy and was set on killin' me. I'm not sorry he's dead. That man brought me nothin' but pain and worry about the next time he'd beat me. You made me the safest I've ever been by killin' him. I love you Buck and I want you to court me in any way you can and someday I want to be your wife and have your babies. When I'm well enough, we'll tell Teaspoon and Emma about me bein' a girl. Maybe Emma needs some help with runnin' the station, or I could get a job at the dressmaker's in town. I'm real good with a needle. I think it's time I start bein' a girl again. Your girl," Clemmy said to a beaming teary eyed Buck. "I think if you want to do that then we should do that very thing. I love you too, Clemmy. I always will. I can send Lou back to the station to tell everybody what happened, that you're on your way to recovery and I'm goin' to stay here with you until you can travel," Buck said with a smile. " Lou's here. What's he doin' here?" Clem asked acting suspiciously. "Clemmy, It's okay. I know about Lou bein' a girl; she told me before we came to find you," Buck said with a chuckle. "She did. Well it's about time someone other than me and Kid knew her secret," Clemmy said with a yawn. "The doc said to let you get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up. Don't you worry Clemmy I will never leave you again if I can help it. Now go to sleep. I love you." Buck said as he got up out of the chair and kissed the top of Clemmy's head. She was asleep the moment he kissed her.
Over the next two weeks Buck stayed in Blue Creek with Clem while he was on an extended leave from the Express. Teaspoon and Emma were only told that Buck had to stay with Clem the reason was never told to them. Lou would stop by on the days her runs took her through that way. It took time, but Clem started to heal both emotionally and physically. Buck was with her everyday of her healing time and they got to know each other very well. It seems the doctor walked in on a few steamier kisses between the two and started to keep the door of Clem's room open when Buck was there for the sake of propriety. By the time Clem was ready to go home she was as happy as she had ever been in her life. The day came for Buck to bring Clem back home to the Sweetwater Station. Dressed in her boy clothes Buck and Clem rented a buckboard. It was slow going because the bouncing around on the bumpy road took it's toll on Clem. Two weeks and three days after Clem's incident they pulled into the station yard to find it deserted. Buck didn't know what was going on or where everybody was. He helped Clem off the buckboard and they walked into the bunkhouse to a big surprise. "SURPRISE!" everyone yelled. The bunkhouse was decorated in colored paper rings garlands and a big sign welcoming Clem and Buck home. There was a cake, lemonade and Teaspoon and the boys even made some iced cream. Clem was so shocked that these people cared so much that she ran out the door crying. "I'll go see what's bothering him," Buck said. Buck saw Clem run into the barn and followed her. "Clemmy? Clemmy where are you?" Buck called out. "I'm over here," Clem said from Bullet's stall with a sniffle. Buck made his way over to her and took her in his arms. Clem cried into his chest. "Now what's wrong, Clemmy? Buck asked while he stroked her hair. "I ain't ever had a party for me before. I told you that I never got a present before you bought me my new dress and real woman things. I guess it just overwhelmed me a bit to now that people actually care for me. I still have a hard time believin' that you care for me," Clem said with a tear stained face. "I don't want you to ever doubt my love for you, Clemmy. As for the others, you're apart of our family and you always will be. You have more worth than you know, Clemantine Lee Sawyer. You are very lovable. You know that, right?" Buck said to his one true love. Clemmy just nodded her head.
After the party Buck and Clem went over with Teaspoon to Emma's house to have a talk. Emma made tea and had some tea cookies laid out for them. "So what seems to be the problem?" Teaspoon asked the two of them. "I have something to admit to you," Clem said. "I lied when I joined the Express. I ain't a boy. I'm a girl. My real name is Clemantine Lee Sawyer not Clemant Leon Sawyer. I'm so sorry. I'll leave if you want me to," Clem said in a rush of words just to get it out in the open. "Well I'll be. I never noticed because the way you can handle a gun and a horse that you was a gal, but it don't make no never mind you can still do the job just as well as you could before. What do you think Emma?" Teaspoon said astounded that he never noticed. "Well to tell you the truth, I knew from the start that you was a girl. It didn't matter because you were doin' as well or better than the other boys so who was I to say anything to the contrary. I was wonderin' if Buck was the one to find out your secret. You two got mighty close after your run to Grand Juntion," Emma said unsurprised by the news. "Teaspoon, I don't think ridin' for the Express is right for me anymore. I was wonderin' if maybe Emma needed some help around the station. You see I have a reason I want to stay," Clem said looking at Buck. "I don't see why you would have to leave. I could use your help around here keepin' these boys in line and with the cookin', sewin' and washin'," Emma said with enthusiasm. "What do you think, Mr. Spoon?" "Well, I think your right, Miss Emma. I think Clem would like to stay in one of the spare rooms in the house instead of the bunkhouse, don't you think? By the way what should we call you now that your secrets out?" Teaspoon queried. "Well, I would love to stay at Emma's. Oh yeah My name is Clemmy. Sorry I didn't mention that earlier in the conversation," Clem said a bit flustered at all the attention.
"Well I guess we should go over and tell the boys the news," Buck said happily. The four of them headed over to the bunkhouse and entered to find some of the boys playing poker and some were reading. Teaspoon got everyones attention. "Well boys it seems Clem and Buck have something to tell all of you," Teaspoon announced. *What is it Teaspoon?* Ike signed wondering what was going on between his friend and Clem. "Well, I just told Teaspoon and Emma that I'm not who you think I am," Clem said nervously. "What'd you mean? Who are you?" Cody asked perplexed. "Well Cody, I'm a girl and Buck is courtin' me. My name isn't Clem. It's Clemmy and I won't be riding for the Express anymore. I'm goin' to be helping Emma run the station." The room was silent for a minute. Then a cacophony of questions were fired at the couple. Buck and Clemmy tried to answer all the questions as well as they could. By the time all the questions were answered it was time for lights out. Buck walked Clemmy over to the house carrying her things over with them. He set her things right inside the door so he could say a proper goodnight. "I'm so glad everything is out in the open and we can act like a real couple. I love you so much, Clemmy it feels like my heart will burst with all the feelings I have for you," Buck said obviously very much in love. "I feel the same way Buck. I couldn't be happier if I tried. I love you more than I thought I could love another person. You are so special to me. I will always be 'Your Girl'," With that said Buck leaned down and kissed Clemmy passionately. They kissed until the door opened cueing them to say good night. "Good night Buck. I'll see you in the morning," Clemmy said giving him one last kiss on the cheek. "Sweet dreams, my love," Buck said as he watched her walk into Emma's house and close the door.
The next morning Clemmy decided to wear the dress Buck had bought her in Grand Junction. She pulled the sides of her hair back with a ribbon and donned one of Emma's aprons so she could help with breakfast. Emma found that Clemmy was a natural in the kitchen. They carried over the food to the bunkhouse to the hungry boys. When they walked into the bunkhouse everyone did a double take. The boys were staring at Clemmy like they had never seen such a pretty girl before. "Whooeee, Clemmy you sure do look pretty in that dress," Cody said loudly. *You look very nice Clemmy. Where did you get it?* Ike asked. Thank you, Cody and Ike. To answer your question, Ike. Buck got it for me in Grand Junction," Clemmy replied. "You sure do have great taste in dresses and women, Buck," Jimmy said admiring Clemmy. Clemmy blushed at all the compliments and went about serving breakfast. Later that day Buck and Clemmy saw Kid and Lou heading for Emma's with Teaspoon. "I betcha that Kid and Lou are going to have a similar conversation like we did yesterday with Teaspoon and Emma right now," Clemmy said with a knowing smile. Buck just laughed and hugged Clemmy to his side.
Over the next few weeks Clemmy got used to her new job at the station. Emma said she exceded all her exspectations. One day when Buck had gotten back from a run he asked Clemmy to take a walk with him. They walked by the stream behind the bunkhouse. Buck looked nervous and he was making Clemmy nervous. Buck had Clemmy sit on a rock by the stream and tooka deep breath. Buck got down on one knee, and Clemmy got a big smile on her face. "Clemantine Lee Sawyer, I love you with all my heart. I want us to be together always. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?" Buck said nervously. Clemmy had tears in her eyes and leaned down and kissed Buck. "Yes, my heart, I will," she said simply. Buck took Clemmy in his arms and kissed her with all the passion he had inside him. She kissed him back with fervor. Then they made their way to tell the others. Now there was a wedding to prepare for. Buck and Clem had a beautiful wedding and started a horse ranch in Sweetwater. They had six children and seventeen granchildren and lived long enough to see four of their great grandchildren born.
They loved each other with great passion until they passed away. They had many good times and some rough times too, but they always made it through. They were buried next to each other on their ranch where the rest of their Express family were buried. Their love lives on in their children and their children's children. Their love will last forever.
The End