Chapter Thirty –Six

Priscilla looked at Jimmy wrapped up on the floor. It had surprised her when he said he would sleep there. Especially after the way he had kissed her on the bluff. She meant it when she said she would be his wife. Maybe she was unappealing to him, with her fat belly.

She lay down and closed her eyes. She soon fell asleep, as she was utterly exhausted. But she awoke a few hours later and sat up. For a moment, she was terrified. Where was she? And then she remembered. She was married now and in the boarding house. She saw Jimmy on the floor. So she lay back down and tried to sleep. But she could not fall asleep. Sweetwater was not a big town by any means, but it was noisier than the area surrounding her small house. She was also not used to sleeping alone. She could not remember ever sleeping in a bed by herself.

She rose to her feet and sat on the window ledge. Maybe she would get sleepy sitting here and thinking through all the events of the day. This was her favorite part of the room, the wide ledge by the big window that faced south. She sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees, her chin on her hands.

“Can’t sleep?” Jimmy asked softly. He sat down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Priscilla leaned back against him.

“It’s noisy out there.”

“Yeah, I’m not used to it either.”

“Jimmy?”

“Hmm?” He rested his chin on her head.

“I’m going to ask the landlady if I can help clean.” As she had sat, she had mentally made a list of the basic supplies she needed to buy. She did not know how much money he had and already felt so guilty letting him or his family pay for everything so far. She had to start contributing.

“Why?”

“I’m worried.” She paused. Men were prideful creatures. Kevin died trying to make money for them. She could not let this happen again. “I want to make sure we have enough to live on. Not that I don’t think you can provide for us,” she added quickly.

Jimmy laughed softly. “I have more than you think,” he told her. “I saved a lot of money as a rider.” He paused. “I don’t know much about budgets. Do you?”

She shrugged. “I am pretty good with figures. My father is a bookkeeper, remember. I helped him with some of the books and I kept our family’s book.”

“So if I give you my wages, you’ll figure out what to do?” Jimmy moved his hands to her breasts and was nibbling on her neck.

“I can,” Priscilla responded softly, pleased that he trusted her enough to let her take charge of his money. She also found it difficult to breathe. Heavens, the sensations that were flooding her body. She pressed her back against his chest, unable to stop a soft moan from escaping her lips.

Jimmy slid his hands to her belly; stopping at the bump for a moment and then slipping even lower. “You don’t have to work,” he murmured, his mind clearly elsewhere. “I think we’ll be okay. I want you to rest. Get strong again.” When Priscilla felt him pulling her nightgown up, she lifted herself slightly and he pulled it over her head. Then he pushed her drawers down below her knees. Priscilla kicked them completely off.

Priscilla reached a hand to his cheek. She loved that he had not said the words, my wife should not work. It had made her feel like she was useless when Kevin had said that to her.

She turned around and wrapped her legs around him, her entire body yearning for him. As she pulled the shirt of his longjohns up, he suddenly pushed her aside.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his breath still coming quickly.

“No,” Priscilla said, tears springing into her eyes. “I’m sorry. You said you wanted to wait. Who wouldn’t want to wait?”

“Cill,” Jimmy said, reaching for her. But she moved out of reach.

“I know I’m hideous now.” She grabbed her nightgown and held it in front of herself, frantically covering her body. “Maybe later, after the baby.” Then much to her horror, she began to cry.

Jimmy was quickly by her side. He held her hands down. “You are not hideous,” he said firmly. “You are so beautiful.” He kissed her wet cheek. “I should have more self control. I said I wanted to wait.”

Because you find me repulsive, Priscilla thought. She wished he would release her so she could cover herself properly.

“I want to wait until you are comfortable with me again,” he said.

“And you thought I wasn’t comfortable?” Priscilla looked at him incredulously.

“I don’t know,” Jimmy said, giving her a sheepish smile. “I just don’t want this to be something you are doing because it’s you are now my wife.”

Priscilla winced, hearing the word she threw at him in anger being spoken like that, so thoughtful, with so much meaning. She did not think he would be so affected by that word. “I’m comfortable,” she said, meeting his eyes.

She heard Jimmy’s quick breath. “Don’t play,” he said lightly. “I am hanging on by a thread,” he added his voice growing more desperate.

“Why do most couples wait? They aren’t married or they are scared of making a baby,” Priscilla said. “We are already married and I’m expecting. What else can go wrong?” She meant it to be a joke, but it came out utterly pitiful.

“You think this is wrong?” Jimmy asked solemnly. “We are wrong?”

“You gave up a lot to marry me,” Priscilla said softly. “I know your job meant a lot to you. Now you are stuck in this little room with a fat wife.”

Jimmy laughed. “You aren’t fat.” He leaned close to her. “The room ain’t so bad. Some day we’ll have a house. And my job was just a job. I’ll still see everyone. They mattered more to me than riding around with a mail bag.”

Priscilla nodded, hoping he meant the words that he was not simply trying to console her.

“And I’m not stuck,” Jimmy continued. “I want to be here. I want you to be my wife. I want us to raise our child.” He put his hand on her belly. “It amazes me to think that there is a little person in there.”

“Me too,” Priscilla admitted.

“Do you feel stuck?”

“I felt more stuck on the stage,” Priscilla admitted. “I was so scared.” She looked at his hands. “I never thought I’d tell you this, but you carrying me off that stage was the best I had felt in weeks. I didn’t want to live with my aunt. I didn’t want to have this baby alone. I didn’t want you to not know about the baby. But I didn’t want to tell you either.”

“Because I’d be stuck,” Jimmy finished for her.

Priscilla nodded.

“I don’t feel stuck,” Jimmy said. “I feel like I jumped ahead about ten years and that scares me. I don’t know how good a husband and father I’ll be. But I know I want to be one.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Your husband,” he murmured. “This baby’s daddy.”

Priscilla pulled him close and kissed him. She felt her body temperature rising again, but this time because of Jimmy’s words and his touches.

Jimmy picked her up and moved to the bed, flinging her nightgown on the ground. “You are not hideous. Never say that again,” he scolded her. He kissed her belly. “You are beautiful and this makes you even more beautiful.”