Teaspoon marched into the sheriff’s office a few hours later and Jimmy almost wished he had not come. Teaspoon looked like he was going to break a few blood vessels; his face was so red with rage. But Jimmy stood up and walked to the bars, bracing himself for what was to come.

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy began quickly, hoping to stave off some of Teaspoon’s wrath.

“Sorry? Do you realize what has happened?” Teaspoon exploded. “You could have been killed,” he added, his voice filled with worry.

“I thought maybe I’d just face Drake and that would be it,” Jimmy said sadly. “But then I found Cill in an outhouse and we just started running. We ended up with this couple and now Ester is dead,” he finished brokenly.

“Sheriff Buckley filled me in,” Teaspoon said, with a shake of his head. He reached an arm and squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder. “You ain’t got to take the whole world on by yourself.”

“That wasn’t the plan,” Jimmy told him ruefully.

“What was the plan?” Teaspoon arched a brow upward.

Jimmy shrugged.

Sheriff Buckley walked in, swinging a key. “Martin’s story matches yours,” he announced, unlocking Jimmy’s cell door. “Now go home.”

“Where’s Cill?” Jimmy asked, ignoring the curious looks Teaspoon was now shooting his way. Old coot was suspicious and rightly so. Who wandered around without a shirt?

“With her father,” the sheriff said, looking at Jimmy irritably.

“I brought Michael Washington with me. We would have gotten here faster without him, but he insisted,” Teaspoon explained.

“We?” Jimmy asked.

“Buck’s here too.”

“I’d like to see Martin first,” Jimmy said.

“He’s at the doctor’s office. South end of town,” the sheriff said.

“Thanks,” Jimmy said. He paused, waiting by the door. “I’m sorry.”

The sheriff sighed sadly. “I am too. Ester and Martin are good people.”

Jimmy nodded. He opened the door and stepped out into the bright sunlight. With Teaspoon trailing behind him, he walked to the doctor’s office. He saw Michael Washington cradling Priscilla in his arms. Quickly he hurried to her side and crouched down.

He took her hand in his. “Cill?” he said, “are you okay? Cill?” Jimmy squeezed her hand, but she did not turn her head or squeeze his hand in return. His presence did not seem to register with her. Jimmy was even more worried by the fact that she did not look at Teaspoon. There was a possibility she was upset with him and just ignoring him. But he quickly discounted that possibility when he saw that Priscilla did not even respond to her own father’s gentle words or his warm embrace. She looked like she was in a trance.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jimmy asked Michael.

“The doctor says shock.” Michael looked at Teaspoon. “We’re going to take the stage back. It leaves in an hour or so.”

“We’ll ride behind you,” Teaspoon offered.

Michael shook his head. “I think it’s best if Priscilla stays away from him.” He stared at Jimmy. There was no anger in his eyes. Just quiet resolve.

“But -,” Jimmy protested

“If you’re sure,” Teaspoon told Michael, interrupting Jimmy. “The boy just wanted to make sure you got home safely.”

“I think the boy as done enough,” Michael said, a flash of anger showing.

“But -” Jimmy began again. He caught the way Michael looked at him. He knew something had gone on and he blamed Jimmy for the state Priscilla was in. Yet Michael had to understand, it was not just a fling. He cared for Priscilla. Nor would he ever hurt her or willingly let her be hurt.

“I understand,” Teaspoon cut him off again. “Is it okay if Buck rides behind the stage?” He motioned to the Kiowa who had slipped quietly into the doctor’s office. “Just in case Drake has more cronies,” Teaspoon added, his voice growing more concerned.

The word no began to form on Michael’s lips, but then suddenly he changed his mind. “That would be fine,” he said.

“I -” Jimmy began once more but this time Teaspoon jerked him away.

“We have business with Martin,” Teaspoon said firmly and Jimmy reluctantly allowed himself to be dragged away but not without casting a backward glance at Priscilla. She still had not moved and her eyes were blank and unfocused.

“Leave them be,” Teaspoon hissed. “Michael needs to make sure his daughter is all right.”

“That’s all I want to do too,” Jimmy complained.

“What went on, bah,” Teaspoon sputtered, interrupting himself this time, “forget it. You can explain yourself on the ride home.” As they approached the small room in the back, Teaspoon looked at Martin. “Is that him?”

Jimmy nodded. He left Teaspoon’s side and knelt in front of Martin. “I am so sorry. I should never have stayed with you and Ester. It wasn’t safe.”

“You weren’t in any state to argue with us,” Martin replied wearily. Jimmy was pained to see how weak Martin had become. The elderly man was shrinking before his eyes. He no longer sat upright, with his head held high. He reminded Jimmy of a puppet, lying in a corner, waiting for the show to begin. He was slumped over and visibly tired. There was no color in his cheeks and his eyes were devoid of spirit.

“I should have made sure Ester was safe. I should have -” Jimmy knew he was babbling, but he could not stop. He needed to make things right, but he did not know how. All that came to mind were the countless mistakes he had made in this situation.

“Enough,” Martin interrupted tiredly. “My Ester is gone. She was my whole world.” His voice broke and fat tears began to trickle down his face. “How am I going to live without her?”

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy whispered. Martin and Ester deserved to be happy, they should be able to enjoy whatever time they had left together and now Martin was left alone. “What can I do?”

Martin met Jimmy’s eyes. “Tell your wife you love her, every single day.”

“Can I stay here, help you?” Jimmy asked.

Martin shook his head. “I’m selling the place.” He plastered a weak smile upon his face. “And moving in with my daughter in Illinois. I have a grandson there. The apple of his grandmother’s eye,” his voice cracked with the last words. He cleared his throat and continued, “You go home, remember what I said.”

“Are you sure?” When Martin nodded, Jimmy rose to his feet. “I won’t forget. And if you ever need my help, for anything, send word to Sweetwater. I’ll be there.”

Martin nodded, his eyes filled with tears once more.

“Martin,” a large woman came in. “I have some food here.”

“Let’s go,” Teaspoon said, stepping toward the door.

Jimmy nodded, watching as the woman tried to get Martin to eat. But Martin simply shook his head. He gave Jimmy a weak smile as Jimmy left the room.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jimmy walked into the bunkhouse and slammed the door shut. Emma gave him a reproachful look as she set a plate full of sandwiches on the table.

“Sorry,” Jimmy mumbled as he sat at the table. Only Teaspoon was seated so far. Everyone else was still working around the station or on a run.

“No good news?” Teaspoon asked, reaching for a sandwich. He placed one on his plate and another one in Jimmy’s.

Jimmy shrugged. The only news he got about Priscilla was from Cody via Lorna. And the news about was Priscilla was the same. She did not move unless someone moved her, she did not speak and she only ate when food was physically placed into her mouth. This had been going on for weeks. Weeks! For a while Jimmy had stopped by every day, trying to see her and each time Michael Washington had sent him away. Thus he had slowed his visits; it had been down to every other day, now every week.

Emma placed a pitcher of milk on the table and sat down, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. “Michael is trying to shelter his daughter. She has been through a lot and from what I gather she isn’t used to that kind of thing.”

“I know,” Jimmy muttered. He knew this was his fault.

“But you have to admit,” Teaspoon put in, “his way is not working.”

Emma sighed. “Mr. Spoon, how is this our business? Michael is her father.”

Jimmy looked at Emma then Teaspoon, his curiosity rising. Teaspoon obviously had a point to make. He could only hope that his point was a good one.

“Jimmy has a hankering for this girl, right?” Teaspoon announced.

“I,” Jimmy began then stopped. Why bother protesting or admitting it? He did have a hankering for Priscilla and everyone knew it. He had told Teaspoon everything, well almost everything, what he left out had clearly been discerned from his state of undress. Teaspoon was no fool. Martin had said wife. Jimmy had no shirt on. They had been gone for three days.

Emma looked at him. “So? She lives with her father. He is responsible for her well-being.”

“He finally cares about someone who is appropriate,” Teaspoon said with a sly smile while Emma blushed. “She is single, his age and from all accounts a good person.”

“She has been known to be difficult,” Emma added.

“And what woman isn’t?” Teaspoon shot back.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jimmy finally exploded. Was the discussion for real or show?

It was then Buck came in and hung his hat on a peg and began walking toward the table. He looked at the solemn faces and stopped in his tracks. “Is this a private conversation? Should I go?”

“Yes,” Jimmy snapped.

When Buck turned to leave, Teaspoon said, “Sit. I want your opinion.”

“Teaspoon,” Jimmy complained. Wasn’t it bad enough he was being questioned by his ‘mother’ and ‘father’? Now he had to have an audience?

“What do you think is wrong with Priscilla?” Teaspoon asked.

“How would he know?” Jimmy interrupted.

“Soul loss,” Buck answered as if Jimmy had not spoken.

Teaspoon nodded his head in agreement, while Jimmy looked at Buck questioningly. “Soul loss?”

“My people say when something bad happens to a person, their soul leaves the body to protect them, so the soul won’t be affected,” Buck explained.

“You think that happened to Priscilla?” Jimmy asked.

“She saw something awful,” Teaspoon said quietly. “She saw someone killed right before her eyes. And I’m guessing that that man made it a choice between Ester and her. She has to be eaten up by that.”

“Can you help her?” Jimmy asked Buck.

“I don’t know, not by myself. I’m not a shaman.”

“We don’t have a shaman.”

“We have an elder,” Buck said, looking at Teaspoon.

“I’m no shaman, but I have seen a few ceremonies,” Teaspoon admitted.

“So what do we do?” Jimmy asked quickly, hope rising in his heart.

“First we make a sweat lodge,” Teaspoon announced. “Buck can help me there. Emma, you and Cody gather some things; things from Priscilla’s family that let her know how much they care about her. Something from her sisters, the little boy and her mother and father.”

Emma nodded.

“Can you also ask Michael to let us do this?” Teaspoon asked Emma. “Out of all of us, I think he has the most respect for you.”

“I think he is at the point he’d try anything,” Emma replied dryly.

“What can I do?” Jimmy asked.

“You’ll be in the sweat lodge,” Teaspoon proclaimed, “with Buck and I. We need a drum,” he added almost absently. He then looked at Jimmy. “A big part of healing is feeling the love someone has for you. She needs to feel that someone wants what is best for her.”

Jimmy suddenly understood the point of the earlier conversation. “Love?” he said his voice filled with uncertainty. Did he love Priscilla?

Teaspoon studied him carefully. “You’ve been with her?” Jimmy averted his eyes and nodded. Yes, they had slept together. But it was more than that. He had enjoyed every moment of his time with Priscilla on Martin and Ester’s farm. He could not stop thinking about it. Is that what love was?

“You risked your life for her?” Teaspoon continued.

Jimmy nodded again.

“She cares about you, right?” Emma asked.

Jimmy paused. He thought so. But could he be sure? She said as much, he reminded himself. But a great deal had happened since then; did she blame him for it, hate him for it?

“When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know that your name is safe in her mouth,” (2) Buck interjected, interrupting Jimmy’s internal argument.

Jimmy gave Buck a look of confusion. What did that mean?

“Let your heart guide you...but listen closely because it whispers,” (3) Teaspoon told him

Jimmy gave him a perplexed look. He had no idea what Buck or Teaspoon were referring to. All he knew was that being with Priscilla – whether it be hiding in a wagon, sleeping on the ground, talking to her late at night, or rolling around in the hay - was something he wanted. More than he could possibly describe.

“Enough of this. Jimmy knew she was difficult. He wanted to go to that dance.” Emma gave Jimmy a pointed look. “Payment had nothing to do with it.” Cody had told everyone the story of how he was going to pay Jimmy to take Priscilla out. And what Emma said was also true, he had wanted to go with Priscilla and he had told her as much. He just had not told the rest of the riders. But there did not seem to be any reason these days to correct the story.

Emma looked at Jimmy. “These two have given you their ideas on love.” She waved a hand at Buck and Teaspoon. “Their words are poetic and pretty, just like they are,” she smiled. “Here are mine, plain and simple. It may surprise you to hear this, but I believe in love at first sight. I believe in loving passionately and deeply. You might get hurt because of that but it is the only way to really live life.” She sighed softly. “Sometimes I think my biggest mistakes came from over-thinking my feelings.”

She shook her head, as if to clear her sad thoughts. She then turned to Teaspoon. “He goes to the girl all the time. The door gets shut in his face and he still goes. He’s either a fool or in love,” Emma concluded.

“Or a fool in love,” Teaspoon smiled. “When we are in the sweat lodge, think of the short time you were together. She’ll feel it,” he finished confidently.

I hope so, Jimmy thought.