Chapter Seventeen

Jimmy reached down and smoothed a lock of Priscilla’s hair from her eyes and ran his hand down her damp body.  They had been making love to each other all night.   They would make love, talk a bit and then one look, one word, even a gesture, would send them both flying toward each other. 

They were both exhausted and sated at the moment. 

“What are you thinking?” Priscilla said, her hand running down his chest.

“That I could jump in Martin’s horse trough again,” Jimmy grinned.  He looked at her; her smile did not quite reach her eyes.  “What are you thinking about?”

“Kevin,” she replied, her eyes filling with tears. She quickly dashed them away.  “Sorry.”  She turned to him and gave him an overly bright smile.

“I thought you always said what was on your mind,” Jimmy chided her gently.  “Who is Kevin?”

“Kevin O’Brian.  He was a family friend.  Until the day he kissed me and then he became my beau.”  Priscilla smiled sadly, a faraway look on her face. 

Jimmy studied her, she was not here with him, she was someplace else, someplace that made her unhappy.  “You have a beau?” he asked quietly, unable to stop the feeling of betrayal that rose up inside him. 

“Oh, no.  Not any more,” Priscilla said quickly. 

“But you are thinking about him when you are with me?” Jimmy persisted.

“Yes, I mean no.  Not like that.  Kevin is dead.”  Priscilla’s voice was filled with sorrow.  She looked at her hands. 

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said gently.  “You want to tell him about him?” he asked.  He brushed a lock of hair from her face.  Something about the way Priscilla avoided looking directly at him made him realize there was more to this story than what she going to tell him.  But he had to try to find out anyway.  She brought out feelings in him that he had buried away ever since Sarah Downs was taken off to jail.  “Can I ask you what happened to Kevin?” he asked. 

“He died.”

“Can I ask you how?”  He knew he was prying.  But this was clearly something Priscilla thought about, a lot.  Maybe talking about it would help.  It would certainly help him understand her. 

Priscilla sighed.  “He joined the army.  Then he died in some training session.  A training session,” she exclaimed.  “What kind of training session gets brand new soldiers killed?  Obviously they weren’t trained enough.” 

Suddenly she sat up and hit the pillow.  “He didn’t have to join up, the stupid ass!”  She spat out the words.  “But oh no, we couldn’t marry unless he had a career.  We had to be financially set.  Sean, his brother,” she continued, her voice growing calmer, “was going to inherit the ranch.  Kevin was getting nothing.  I told him I didn’t care.  We’d make a life together.  I could work, he could work and we’d buy our own place.  But he wouldn’t listen to me.  He was so prideful.”  She paused, collecting her thoughts. 

Jimmy held himself still, waiting.

“I tried to seduce him before he left.  Maybe he wouldn’t leave if we were really together,” she whispered.  “But I was so clumsy, he laughed at me.” 

“He laughed?” Jimmy said in surprise.  Hell, a pretty girl wanting to sleep with you was not something he would ever laugh at.

“I just wanted to be with him,” Priscilla said softly.  “But he told me to wait, he’d be back and he’d have a career and enough money for us to settle down anyplace we chose.  We’d get married once he came back and I’d be happy then that we waited.  But he died.”  Priscilla broke down, unable to stop the tears. 

Jimmy pulled her close.  “I’m sorry, so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Why are you sorry? Asking about him doesn’t make it worse.  This is what is inside me,” Priscilla half shouted.  “This is what I am like inside every single day. A hateful shrew!”

Jimmy tried to tighten his arms around her, but she pushed him away.  “He didn’t need to die.”

“No,” Jimmy agreed, “he didn’t.”

“I hate him!” Priscilla cried.  “I hate him.”  The tears started anew.  And when Jimmy put his arms around her this time, she let him.

“You don’t hate him,” Jimmy told her.

“I hate him,” Priscilla insisted but her words were not as emphatic as they had been.

“Maybe you hate him for leaving.  But not for anything else,” Jimmy offered, hating to hear the pain in her voice.  He wanted nothing more than to take away her pain.

“Maybe,” Priscilla agreed reluctantly.  “The army sent a letter home. Sean was the one who told me.  I don’t know how it happened but we ended up together in our barn.  And the next time we saw each other was before the funeral. We were sent to get some of Kevin’s things.  His mother wanted Kevin to have his favorite book with him and his baby blanket.  So we went to his room, we starting going through his things, we started taking each other’s clothes off.”

“It was grief,” Jimmy said softly.

“It was,” Priscilla agreed.  “We were the two people who loved Kevin best. He adored Kevin, almost as much as I did.  His own parents sure never made him feel like he was worthy of their attention,” she added bitterly.  “Sean was the apple of his parents’ eyes.  Kevin was the second born, the one who made mistakes, the one who never measured up to Sean.  Sean who could do no wrong. Sean the Casanova of Sweetwater.  He was no damned saint.”  She looked at Jimmy again.  “He taught me everything I know.”

“How long did your affair last?” Jimmy asked, mildly surprised.  He had thought it was a one maybe two-time thing.

“A month or so,” Priscilla replied tiredly.  “Then his mother caught us.  And everyone started planning the wedding.  It got ugly for a while,” she added a note of anguish creeping in to her voice.  “My father was angry at his father, his mother was just so hopeful of us having a child and naming him Kevin.   And Sean and I were at each other’s throats.  I blamed him for everything including Kevin dying and he told me I drove Kevin away with all my talk about marriage.”  She sighed.  “It all stopped soon enough, after Sean and I shouted at them a half a dozen times, that we were not in love, that we would not get married, that we could make our own decisions.”

She shook her head.  “That was over a year ago.  Sean is still here, still the town Casanova.  His parents treat me like a casual acquaintance.  And I have become the town shrew.”

She fell back against the pillow, exhausted.  “I just want to be who I used to be, I want to be happy again.”

“Can I help you in that?” Jimmy asked quietly.

Priscilla wrapped her arms around him.  “You already have.  I never cared about Sean.  I just missed Kevin.  You I care about,” she added with a mischievous smile. 

“The feeling is mutual,” Jimmy told her, glad to see her eyes brighten.